Mesa Man Gets Naked, Covers Self in Bug Spray to Throw (Imaginary) Police Dog Off His Scent

Damian Gadal via Flickr

A Mesa man who was found completely naked and covered in both Off! insect-repellent and Raid insecticide told police he was just trying to throw the police dog off his scent.

Have we mentioned yet that there was no police dog?

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Camp Verde Man Cuts Off Guy's Head with Power Saw, Says It's "Not My First Rodeo"

Categories: WTF
via Flickr/Rudolf Vlček

An FBI investigation into a missing-person case on the Yavapai-Apache Nation Indian Reservation turned into an investigation of an extremely gruesome murder.

Investigators believe 35-year-old Mario Chagolla Jr., a non-tribal member who lives in Camp Verde, stabbed a Native American man to death before cutting off his head and limbs with a circular saw, pulling the teeth out of his head, and tossing most of the parts in a fire, according to a federal complaint.

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Phoenix Woman Pretending to Be Her Brother Demands That Cops "Verify She Had a Penis"

Categories: WTF
J'Shon Youyetewa claims to have a penis.
A Phoenix woman trying to fight random people at a high school graduation ceremony tried to convince police that she was actually her brother, and dared the cops to prove her wrong.

According to court documents obtained by New Times, 31-year-old J'Shon Youyetewa "specifically demanded officers check to verify she had a penis."

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Christmas Comes Early for Phoenix Man (Problem Is, "Christmas" Is His Ex-Girlfriend's Name, and She Robbed Him)

Categories: WTF
Christmas Snow Pringle
Here's the kind of Christmas that nobody celebrates -- an ex-girlfriend named Christmas who shows up to your house with a friend who's pointing a gun at your head and demanding money.

Indeed, police say 21-year-old Christmas Snow Pringle -- a real name, according to several court filings -- did this for a score of 160 whole dollars and lied about the whole thing no less than 10 times, according to court documents obtained by New Times.

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Anthony Crespin Spit in a Cop Car So Much That It Was Out Of Commission for Multiple Days

Categories: WTF
Gilbert PD
Anthony Crespin has a lot of saliva.
How much saliva do you have to unleash inside a cop car to make that car unusable for multiple days?

That's probably a question for 42-year-old Gilbert resident Anthony Crespin, who did exactly that over the weekend.

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Tucson Man, Shorted $200 for a Power-Washing Job, Convicted in Attacks Involving Chemicals, Feces, Dead Animals, and More

Categories: Convicted, WTF
power washer.jpg
Power washing is something Todd Fries sucks at, and got angry if you didn't pay.
About four years ago, Todd Fries, the owner of Burns Power Washing, was shorted $200 for a power-washing job because his customers didn't think Fries' employees did such a great job.

Fries responded to this lack of payment by spreading things outside the customers' home including (but not limited to) motor oil, grease, feces, dead animals, foam packing peanuts, spray-painted swastikas, and on another occasion, "buckets of burning, gas-emitting" debris.

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Zacharey Murray Tells Cops He "Missed His Signal" to Stop Masturbating in Trees

Categories: WTF
Zacharey Murray
While camping out in some trees and waiting to watch a girl walk home from school for the fifth day and a row, police say 18-year-old Zacharey Murray was killing some time by masturbating.

Problem is, Murray "missed his signal," and the alleged victim had to see him continue to masturbate in the trees.

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Cody Slaughter Was So Honest During His Job Interview That He Admitted to Molesting a Toddler and Having Sex With Animals

Cody Slaughter, the Honest Abe of alleged deviant sexual behavior.
Cody Slaughter seems like a pretty honest guy, as he offered up some personal information about his personal history in a job interview last week.

Slaughter may have been a little too honest during his interview with U.S. Customs and Border Protection, as the cops say he admitted to the agency that he'd molested a 2-year-old and had sex with animals on a few occasions.

The Yuma County Sheriff's Office says it got a call from CBP on July 2, relaying information about "possible criminal activity disclosed during a pre-employment screening."

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Pizza Peril in Mesa: One Pizza Man Dies After Head-on Crash With Another Pizza Man; Guy Tries to Rob Another Pizza Man an Hour Later

Categories: WTF
Last night in Mesa may have been the most dangerous time in the history of pizza.

Shortly after 8 p.m. yesterday, two pizza delivery drivers -- working for different companies -- crashed into each other head-on, killing one of the drivers, a 53-year-old man.

About an hour later, police say another pizza man said he was making a "large pizza delivery" when a man claiming to have a gun tried to rob him of his money and pizza.

Mesa police Detective Steve Berry tells New Times the head-on crash happened at the intersection of Baseline and Extension, involving a Toyota pickup truck being driving by the 53-year-old man, and a Kia Sedona being driven by a 49-year-old man.

Both were delivering pizzas at the time, and the crash occurred when the 49-year-old man was making a left onto Extension.

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Joe Arpaio Sent Us a Christmas Card

Christmas cards? Puppies? Arpaio's gettin' soft.
To quote Clark W. Griswold, if we woke up tomorrow with our heads sewn to the carpet, we wouldn't be more surprised than we were when we got a Christmas note from America's self-proclaimed "toughest sheriff" applauding us for all the great work we do.

Granted, we just got it today, and it was sent to the wrong address (and is probably the same note he sent to every other media outlet in town), but still: Joe Arpaio sent us a Christmas card.

For anyone unfamiliar with this publication's relationship with Arpaio, let's just say it's (ahem) strained -- for example, he had the owners of New Times dragged out of their houses in the middle night and thrown in jail. On the flip side, we've been exposing the filthy laundry of Maricopa County's corrupt top-cop for nearly 20 years.

Not to mention, we're currently suing him.

Truth be told, we gave Arpaio one of our Christmas cards in December (coincidentally on the same day the Department of Justice released its report claiming that Arpaio's on the hook for having the worst racial-profiling practices in U.S. history).

The sheriff told us he liked the card because his face was "in the middle...where it should be."

See our card -- and the sheriff's note -- below.

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