Last year, when we were reporting "Badlands" and "Cowboy Down," two stories about life and death in Cochise County, on the southeastern border of Arizona and Mexico, we had the privilege of interviewing cattle rancher Rich Winkler.

Billionaire brothers don't sit well with one pissed-off border rancher

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Winkler and his wife Mary have a spread at the base of the forbidding Peloncillo Mountains on the Arizona/New Mexico line, about 20 miles north of the Mexico border. It's a few miles from where Geronimo, the Indian warrior, surrendered in 1886.

He is a retired Superior Court judge who expressed in no uncertain terms how fed up he was (and is) by the failure of the federal government to do much about the dozens of undocumented immigrants that were funneling through his expansive property each week.

"There are [drug] scouts watching us, seeing where we are and what we're doing, and we don't want them to think we're an issue," he told us.

"The brazenness is what gets me. The illegals trample our land, leave their garbage behind, smuggle their poison in, and change the way we live our lives."

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The Big Dance finally started an hour or so ago, with Florida and BYU going at it in Oklahoma City.

 

​We're here at work, occasionally (really) checking the scores on the Internet, just like millions of other March Madness junkies.

We already are rethinking our Final Four picks of Kansas, Syracuse, West Virginia and Duke (in one pool, at least).

Too late, buster.

Speaking of March Madness, c

ome to find out, American males at this very moment are propped up in front of their television sets at home, bags of ice strategically placed in their crotches.

See, Cleveland urologist Dr. Stephen Jones has noted a 50 percent increase in recent years in vasectomies performed a day or two before the start of the NCAA men's tournament.

That's a lot of slicing and dicing.

 You can imagine the dialogue, first between the dude and his woman:

"Honey, doc says I gotta take it easy for a couple of days. I'll be back to normal after the weekend."

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​Have you ever stopped to think about how cool it would be if your gadgets fixed themselves? Of course you haven't, because that would be CRAZY.

Crazy or not, self-healing machines are exactly what several University of Arizona professors and graduate students have been researching for the past two years. Crazier still, they actually work.

The project, which started in 2007 and is funded by the NASA Jet Propulsion Laboratory, aims to create devices that can "heal" malfunctions in their own operating systems without having to rely on bulky multiple backup systems.

"We had to jump through several hoops to get the prototype working," said Professor Ali Akoglu, who heads the project. "We spent two years, with eight undergrads and grads working on it. One day it decided to operate, and it was a dream come true."

The technology is still pretty cutting-edge, and won't be ready for consumer products for at least another 10 years, Akoglu says. But when it is, the possibilities are practically limitless.

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What's crazier than a screaming woman in labor? A screaming robot woman in labor.

It sounds like a joke, but it's not. The University of Arizona Medical Center is the proud owner of their very own pregnant robot-mannequin lady. Named Noelle, she grunts, screams, yells at the doctors, pees, bleeds -- and yes, even gives birth (to a cute little robot baby named Hal).

The trio are the newest in robotic technology designed to help train medical students in labor and delivery so they don't have to train on real people.

And it's a good thing, too: Paid for with a $40,000 grant from Miami-based Guarnard Scientific, the university bought Noell, baby Hal, and another, smaller robot-baby in January. Then Noelle was taken out of commission for a while when medical students (yelp!) broke her pelvic bone.

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Image: YouTube video of "The Doctors" episode

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The cybersphere has been flooded in recent days with "news" about vodka-soaked tampons and anal beer bongs. Much of this chatter apparently comes from an August 16 Channel 15 (KNXV-TV) interview with drug-treatment-facility spokeswoman Stephanie Siete, who listed "snorting vodka shots" and the tampon-and-beer-bong activities as things "teens are doing" these days.

Let's take a deep, unadulterated breath here. First of all, we imagine -- cynically -- that Siete's primary job at Community Bridges, a non-profit company in Arizona, is to drum up more clients. Getting the attention of parents is one way to do that -- hence, the emphasis on the sensational.

Secondly, there's just no way more than a few dumbasses are doing those things. If a teen has vodka, it's safe to say that the teen is going to drink it, not soak a tampon in it or snort it. Same with beer.

We admit we could be wrong -- maybe you know someone whose anus has a problem with alcohol. But we called Siete to find out if she knows of any documented cases of her examples here in Arizona.   

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www.greendaily.com

PETA Wants to turn the Arizona State Capitol into a billboard featuring its famous "Lettuce Ladies"

​People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals sent Arizona Governor Jan Brewer a letter today, offering to rent space on the outside walls of the state capitol building and use it to advertise its veggie-driven agenda.

PETA wants to pay the state to drop a giant banner down the front of the capitol with the organizations "PETA Lettuce Lady," and the phrase "Lettuce Legislate: Meat-Free Monday."

In the letter, Tracy Reiman, executive vice president of PETA, tells Brewer that the organization wants to help close the current budget gap.

"I am writing on behalf of People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA) and our tens of thousands of members and supporters across Arizona to offer a little financial help as the state considers selling some of its buildings in the capital. We would like to rent space to hang a banner on the Capitol's front facade featuring an image of one of our lovely Lettuce Ladies -- a gorgeous vegetarian woman tastefully clad only in lettuce leaves," the letter says.

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In what will probably be described sarcastically as a "dream come true," by fathers of 10-year-old girls across the Valley, the Jonas Brothers are scheduled to play in a public kickball game in Peoria in August.

The pop-tarts -- who vehemently campaign for chastity, clean living, and just about everything else the rest of us mortals do to have fun -- have agreed to play a game of kickball at the Peoria Sports Complex on August 11th against 104.7 KISS deejays Johnjay and Rich.

They realize that kickballers tend to drink a lot on the way to making fools of themselves (some are so hammered that they staggar around the base pads), right? Guess not.

The game is to benefit the deejays' "Christmas Wish" charity, and the modestly titled "Johnjay and Rich Care for Kids Foundation."

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Two scientists at Arizona State University's polytechnic campus may have found a slimy green alternative to the world's oil crisis: Algae.

No joke. Scientists Qiang Hu and Milton Sommerfeld can convert algae into jet fuel -- a discovery that may just land them a World Technology Award tomorrow.

By selectively breeding algae using light, carbon dioxide gas, and nutrients, then removing the nutrients from the algae's cell, the two scientists have created a strain of super-algae that produces oil at an extremely rapid rate.

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