You Write the Caption

Best Reader Caption For Arizona's Machine Gun Christmas: Ross

By James King Wed., Dec. 7 2011 at 7:30 AM
Categories: Guns, Only in Arizona, You Write the Caption
santagun.jpg
Scottsdale Gun Club
"'Twas the night before Christmas and all through the house, not a creature was stirring, we had offed every mouse. When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter, I sprang from the bed to see what was the matter. Grabbing my Uzi, I took careful aim, what a rush, it was, to kill flying game. Die, Dasher! Die, Dancer! Die, Prancer and Vixen! Die, Comet! Die, Cupid! Bye bye, Donner and Blitzen! As I drew in my head, and was turning around, down the chimney some illegal came with a bound. He was chubby and plump, a right jolly old elf, and I laughed when I shot him, in spite of myself! A wink of his eye and a twist of his head, soon gave me to know that he soon would be dead. I heard him exclaim, while I watched him expire, 'but Arpaio assured me, you'd hold your fire!"
​Congratulations to the New Times reader who goes by the handle Ross, you are the proud winner of this week's New Times You Write the Caption contest.

On Friday, we asked readers to provide what they think would be an appropriate caption for the above photo of the Scottsdale Gun Club's Machine Gun Christmas.

We picked the five best reader captions and put it to a vote.

See all the entries here.

Ross stole the show with the following:

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arizona, scottsdale gunclub, you write the caption
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Only in Arizona

Best Reader Caption For Photo of Arizona's Machine Gun Christmas?

By James King Tue., Dec. 6 2011 at 7:30 AM
Categories: Guns, Only in Arizona, You Write the Caption
santagun.jpg
Scottsdale Gun Club
Your Caption Here
​Last week, in honor of the Scottsdale Gun Club's celebrating the holidays by giving people the chance to have holiday photos taken of their children holding machine guns, we asked our readers to offer suggestions for an appropriate caption for the above photo for this week's New Times' You Write the Caption contest.

We had 40 responses in the comment section of the post, which you can see by clicking here.

We've narrowed it down to five finalists, but only one can win the grand prize: a pay-your-own-way trip to the historic New Times building, a firm handshake, and a lukewarm glass of Phoenix's municipal tap water.

The finalists are as follows:

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Only in Arizona

Arizona's Machine Gun Christmas in You Write the Caption

By James King Fri., Dec. 2 2011 at 7:30 AM
Categories: Guns, Only in Arizona, You Write the Caption
santagun.jpg
Scottsdale Gun Club
Your Caption Here
​Nothing quite says "merry Christmas" like Santa and a few high-powered machine guns -- in Arizona, anyway.

In honor of the Scottsdale Gun Club's celebrating the holidays by giving people the chance to have holiday photos taken of their children holding machine guns, we've opted to go with the above photo of Arizona's machine gun Christmas for this week's New Times You Write the Caption contest.

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arizona, christmas, guns, scottsdale gun club, you write the caption
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Wild, Wild West

Merry Christmas! From Your Toddler, Santa, and a Machine Gun

By James King Wed., Nov. 30 2011 at 10:38 AM
Categories: Guns, Only in Arizona, Wild, Wild West
SantaGuns1.jpg
Facebook
Umm...Merry Christmas?
​Nothing says happy holidays (in Arizona, anyway) like Santa, your toddler, and a machine gun -- and you can celebrate the holidays by getting a picture of all three at the Scottsdale Gun Club next month.

According to the club, "Santa's back with his bag of goodies" -- which happens to include an arsenal of machine guns -- and on December 10, it will give families the opportunity to have their pictures taken with Santa and his guns.

Even children will be allowed to be photographed while holding the weapons, the club says.

Arizona doesn't exactly have the best reputation when it comes to firearms -- the Tucson shooting, the fact that guns are allowed in Arizona bars, and "Operation Fast and Furious" certainly haven't helped the state's image. So it only makes (gulp) sense to arm children with high-powered machine guns for family Christmas cards.

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arizona, christmas, christmas card, colt single-action army revolver, fast and furious, machine guns, santa, scottsdale gun club, state gun, tucson shooting
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Morning Poll

Is Defense Attorney David Appleton a Murderer?

By James King Tue., Nov. 22 2011 at 7:00 AM
Categories: Death Valley, Guns, Morning Poll, Only in Arizona
appleton.jpg
MCSO
Defense attorney David Appleton
​Scottsdale defense attorney David Appleton fatally shot a father of three during an apparent road-rage incident earlier this month. Yesterday, we learned that the second-degree murder charge against him has been dropped -- for now.

"We've asked the Scottsdale Police Department for some additional investigation before making a final charging decision," Jerry Cobb, spokesman for the Maricopa County Attorney's Office, told New Times yesterday.

Click here for all the details about the road-rage incident that left 50-year-old Paul Pearson dead.

In short, here's how the shooting went down: Pearson and Appleton got into an argument at an intersection in north Scottsdale. Pearson followed Appleton to a nearby parking lot, got out of his car, and walked up to Appleton's vehicle. Appleton, who'd already retrieved his pistol from his glove compartment, claims Pearson then choked him, despite the fact that police say there's nothing to indicate a choking ever took place. Appleton then fired one shot, killing Pearson.

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arizona, david appleton, gun laws, guns, maricopa county attorney's office, murder, paul pearson
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Only in Arizona

Arizonans Gettin' All Moderate When it Comes to Illegal Immigration?

By James King Fri., Nov. 11 2011 at 7:00 AM
Categories: Only in Arizona
methlabdemocracy.jpg
The "meth lab," it seems, just blew up.
​A poll released Wednesday shows that the vast majority of Arizonans prefer a pathway to citizenship for illegal immigrants who've been in the United States for an extended period of time, and can meet reasonable criteria for citizenship -- as oppose to simply booting them back to their native countries, where many have them have never set foot.

Believe it or not, even the majority of Arizona Republicans polled favor a pathway to citizenship -- which goes against the old Arizona tradition of deport first, discuss morality later.

According to the survey, 78 percent of Arizonans would support legislation allowing undocumented "long-time" residents to become citizens "if they pay a fine, pass a criminal background check here and their nation of origin, get a taxpayer I.D. number and demonstrate they can speak English."

Of Republicans polled, more than 66 percent supported a pathway to citizenship.

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arizona, comrehensive immigration reform, illegal immigration, joe arpaio, russell pearce, russell pearce recall
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Only in Arizona

Linda Lopez, Arizona State Senator, Gives All-World Quote On Budget

By Paul Rubin Thu., Mar. 17 2011 at 10:41 AM
Categories: Only in Arizona
Ok, so we get that the Arizona Legislature, aka The Big Dummies, is about to eviscerate this state's budget.
tsunami.gif
 Arizona After Budget Cuts?
​

And we also are well aware that all segments of society, especially the poor, the infirm and those trying to get an education, will be adversely affected by the pending cuts.

That said,  a quote in today's Arizona Republic by State Senator Linda Lopez, a Tucson (gasp) Democrat, stopped us short.

"If this budget gets signed into law," Lopez told the reporter, "an earthquake and tsunami like what hit Japan will devastate Arizona."


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arizona legislature, budget cuts, earthquake, japan, linda lopez, tsunami
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Only in Arizona

Russell Pearce Linked To Japan Disaster By Patrons of Local Sports Bar

By Paul Rubin Mon., Mar. 14 2011 at 10:20 AM
Categories: Only in Arizona
We settled in yesterday for an annual ritual--watching the NCAA March Madness Selection Show at a Scottsdale bar, Zipps Sports Grill up on East Greenway Parkway.
japan tsunami.jpg
​


It's always a hoot to see guys armed with schooners of brewskies trying to keep up with the match-ups as they flash on the big TV screens--the first forays into what will be the ritualistic filling out of brackets on the Net and at work.

Come to think of it, we are one of those guys.




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arizona legislature, march madness, ncaa tournament, russell pearce, scott bundgaard
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News

Sylvia Allen, Elected State Senator, Makes Even Jan Brewer Seem Compassionate

By Paul Rubin Wed., Feb. 2 2011 at 11:24 AM
Categories: News, Only in Arizona

We're guessing that Sylvia Allen, a mother of five and grandmother of 18 who represents a rural eastern Arizona district at the State Senate, is known to her family and friends as a warm, caring individual.

sylvia allen.jpg
State Senator Sylvia Allen aka Madame Cold Heart
​

We suspect that Allen probably would help most anyone (well, probably not an undocumented immigrant) out with a bite to eat if he or she knocked on her front door and asked nicely.

But, Jeez, the quotes from this elected official in this morning's Arizona Republic are cold-blooded enough to make even Governor Jan Brewer seem (almost, not quite) like Mother Teresa.

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arizona legislature, illegal immigration, jan brewer, sb 1070, sylvia allen, tucson shootings
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Only in Arizona

Guy Robs Booze From Another Guy, Who Shoots and Kills Robber

By James King Fri., Aug. 27 2010 at 1:53 PM
Categories: Death Valley, Only in Arizona
selvy.JPG
Stefan Selvy
​Some would argue that one of the great things about Arizona's fairly lax gun laws is that it makes criminals think twice before committing a crime. The thinking is that if a criminal thinks his or her victim -- or anyone close by -- has a gun, they'll reconsider whatever they're about to do.

That said, last night a Gilbert robbery suspect learned the hard way that he lives in the Grand Canyon State.



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arizona, Bobby Baughman, circle k, robbery, shooting, stefan selvy
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