​Governor Jan Brewer yesterday released a copy of the letter she handed to President Barack Obama on Wednesday as the two argued on the tarmac at Phoenix-Mesa Gateway Airport.

Initially, Brewer refused to release the letter.

Regardless, New Times has come into possession of not only the letter the governor handed Obama, but a rough draft of Jan's note, too.

The draft seems like it's a little more Brewer's speed -- check it out below 
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We Phoenix sports-loving types have been blessed over time with some terrific interviewees among the pro players in our midst--Shaquille O'Neal (forget for a moment our nasty take last year on the Big Cactus), Steve Kerr, Kurt Warner, Shane Doan, Luis Gonzalez, (former Arizona Diamondbacks manager) Bob Brenley.

This photo of a svelte Sir Charles just had to have been photoshopped!

​

But none of the aforementioned great talkers could hold a candle to one Charles Barkley, one of the Phoenix Suns' all-time greats both on the floor and in the interview room. 

There's a reason why NBA beat writers put Sir Charles on their All-Interview team just about every year that he was in the league: He's bright, often funny, irreverent and, best of all, averse to the use of fallback cliches whenever and however he might be pressed.

We enjoyed parts of Barkley's Saturday Night Live hosting gig last weekend, but got an even bigger kick out of his appearance the other day on a Philadelphia radio show with host Mike Missanelli.

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www.craigslist.com

​If you're in need of child-size crutches -- and have some smokes to spare -- you're in luck: Someone in Chandler is willing to make a trade.

The only catch is that the previous owner of the crutches -- according to the person who posted the ad (pictured above) on Craigslist -- is a kid . . . and he's dead.

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www.saadmalik.com

​There's good news and bad news regarding Maricopa County Sheriff Joe Arpaio's "birther" posse's "investigation" into whether President Barack Obama is eligible to be president.

The good news: the investigation will be finished by early next year, so Arpaio's team will soon be able to tackle other non-existent issues like illegal unicorn races, and underground leprechaun fight clubs.

The bad news: Arpaio, the elected leader of one of the largest law enforcement agencies in the country, is still using MCSO resources to "investigate" a continuously debunked conspiracy theory.

As you probably know, Arpaio agreed last month to launch an investigation into whether Obama is eligible to be president.

Now, America's self-proclaimed "toughest sheriff" has some fresh bullshit good news for the "birther" crowd: "there could be a shock" when the sheriff's "birther" posse finishes its investigation into Obama.

(Pause for uncontrollable laughter)

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James King

Herman Cain is either joking about an electrified border fence...or he's serious about it...or he just doesn't want to offend anybody.

​Yesterday, we watched as GOP presidential candidate Herman Cain told reporters that comments he made about his plan to install an electrified fence on the U.S./Mexico border capable of killing immigrants trying to come into the country illegally was just a joke.

Then we watched him say he might seriously be considering installing an electrified fence on the U.S./Mexico border capable of killing immigrants trying to come into the country illegally.

Then we watched him say he wasn't sure if he was joking about the fence or not, he just didn't want to offend anybody.

See our report on Cain's visit to the Valley here.

The confusion has since been captured on Youtube in the form of a cartoon, compliments of a frequent New Times readers.

Watch Herman Cain's comedic confusion Toonified below -- it's pretty hilarious.
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www.southparkstudios.com

Look familiar?

​If you didn't catch last night's South Park, you missed out. Not only did it touch on Arizona's focal issue, illegal immigration, and introduce the world to the term "Mexi-Jew," it featured the show's portly, pissed-off star, Cartman, portraying a hillbilly sheriff bearing a striking resemblance to Maricopa County's corrupt top-cop, Joe Arpaio.

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You Betchya Sarah Palin wrote the forward to Jan Brewer's new book!

​As we reported earlier this year, Governor Jan Brewer has written a book. Well, she had someone ghost-write a book on her behalf that's scheduled to be released November 1.

As we noted in our previous report, Jan's new book wasn't just written by a ghost-writer, it was written by a Sarah Palin-sympathizing ghost-writer/old high school basketball pal -- so it shouldn't come as a shock that the foreword to the book was written by Palin herself, because Brewer apparently "couldn't think of anyone better."

Jan's not necessarily known for her ability to think, so when considering potential scribes for the foreword to her book, it makes sense that she couldn't think of anyone better than the former Alaska governor.
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Youtube screen grab

"Reality hits you hard, bro." - George Lindell

​Valley resident George Lindell was driving to a Boston Market in north Phoenix to grab some grub last week, when he was rear-ended by an SUV. The SUV then swerved to avoid hitting another vehicle, causing the driver to lose control and crash into a utility poll, bringing down power lines.

"It was like 'Bam!' I got hit hard, and it was like getting hit by a...train," Lindell, in the most animated recreation of a car wreck we've ever heard, told reporters.

Lindell escaped the wreck unscathed, but, as he also points out during his account of the wreck, "reality hits you hard, bro!"

The video is making the rounds on the Interwebs, and for good reason -- it's awesome.

Watch Lindell's account of last week's wreck below:
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Arizona Daily Sun

Run for your life!

​Contrary to an alert broadcast on an Arizona Department of Transportation-controlled electronic street sign, a "rogue panda" is not on a "rampage" in Flagstaff.

Yesterday morning, motorists traveling on Fort Valley Road in Flagstaff were met with a sign that was supposed to warn drivers about no left turns at the upcoming intersection

Instead, it warned that a "rogue panda was on [a] rampage."

Pandas, as you're probably aware, are not native to Flagstaff. Nor, can we imagine, are they capable of going "rogue." Needless to say, the sign raised a few eyebrows.

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Grant Woods: the New Times-declared Mayor of Twitter-town.

​It appears the Twitter account of former Arizona Attorney General/Current Mayor of Twitter-town Grant Woods has been hacked.

Woods currently holds New Times'' coveted "Best Twitterer" award, so, of course, he took the hacking in stride.

"Sorry. Twitter account hacked. Anthony Weiner told me this could happen," Woods "tweeted" last night, obviously joking about former New York Congressman Anthony Weiner and his infamous "Weiner-Gate."

Last month, per New Times' request, Woods compiled a list of social media suggestions for politicos to help them avoid a potential "Weiner-Gate." Check it out here.


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