Important Legislation Alert: Bill Proposed to Criminalize Jumping Off Cliffs

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tiogaadventures.com
"Cliff jumping: So much fun it ought to be illegal," said no one ever.
There's a very important piece of legislation proposed in the Arizona Senate that could affect people all across the state.

Yes, jumping off cliffs could become a crime.

Senate Bill 1499 is the work of Republican State Senator Judy Burges, and would make it a misdemeanor for anyone to "knowingly jump or dive" from a cliff or rock formation into water in any public park or state land.

We're guessing these arrests would be made by the fun police.

This only applies to cliffs 10 feet or higher, so pack your tape measure the next time you're planning on jumping off big rocks.

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Local Psychic Offers Proof Heaven is Real -- for $179

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Susanne Wilson
Every little thing she does is magic.
Local psychic Susanne Wilson sent out a press release this morning blasting Stephen Hawking for saying heaven isn't real.

 

"Psychic abilities prove the existence of the afterlife," the press release declares, "refuting" Hawkings' claim.

Anyone can be a psychic with a little help from their friends, she says. To prove her point, she plans on hosting a "Psychic Strength Building Seminar" in Scottsdale this summer, open to the paying public. The training costs $179 for admission, with a $27 discount for those who purchase a ticket before the end of March.

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Arizona Tea Party Members Officially Reject Tea Party License Plates; New Plates are Counter to Principles

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Members of the Arizona Tea Party have firmly rejected the idea of the state's new Tea Party license plates.

The plates symbolize big government and seem counter to Tea Party principles, a spokesman for a local Tea Party group told the Huffington Post today.

You'd think the tea-baggers would have figured this out before the state wasted time and money passing this thing to help them. Now it's actually causing division in the ranks.

"Arizona's tea partiers understand, recognize, and fully appreciate that the bill was well-intentioned, but its unintentional consequences has created unnecessary divisiveness among Arizona Tea Parties, and have subjected Arizona Tea Parties to unfounded scrutiny questioning our commitment and adherence to the foundational principles of the Tea Party Movement," said Annette McHugh, Arizona State Coordinator for Tea Party Patriots, in the Post article. "We want less government, not more."

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"Buffalo" William Willis, Alleged Tunnel-Digging/Cross-Dressing Kiddy-Porn Connoisseur, Busted by U.S. Marshals

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"Buffalo" William Willis
Call off the dogs...

Glendale's infamous, alleged tunnel-digging/cross-dressing kiddy-porn connoisseur, "Buffalo" William Willis, has been located and taken into custody.

Willis' ankle monitor, which he was ordered to wear as his kiddy-porn case works its way through the courts, stopped transmitting a signal about 1:30 p.m. Tuesday. Probation officers went to his house to investigate and found that he'd moved out. His ankle monitor was not found.

U.S. Marshals, however, caught up with him this afternoon at an apartment complex near 48th Street and McDowell Road -- at which he'd apparently been living -- and took him into custody.

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Senator Jon Kyl's Press Secretary Admits the "Not Intended to be Factual Statement" Line Makes No Sense

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politico.com
​Senator Jon Kyl's press secretary is taking the blame for the senator's reporting "statistics" last week about Planned Parenthood that he found in the land of make-believe -- and later saying his "was not intended to be a factual statement."

In case you missed it, Kyl completely BSd the amount of abortions federally funded Planned Parenthood performs, saying abortions were "well over 90 percent of what Planned Parenthood does."

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James Ray Death Lodge Trial Put on Hold

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The manslaughter trial of snake-oil salesman James Arthur Ray has been postponed until next week, as the judge overseeing the case is allowing Ray's attorneys more time to conduct interviews about the construction of the sweat lodge that left three people dead and dozens injured.

Ray's attorneys filed the request for a mistrial earlier this week, claiming prosecutors failed to turn over an April 10, 2010 e-mail from environmental consultant Richard Haddow, which concluded that because of the shoddy way the sweat lodge was constructed, the victims were more at risk than other participants because they were seated in an area of the tent that was the the most poorly ventilated.

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Morning Poll: How Do You Feel About ASU Replacing "Sparky" With a Fork?

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ASU's over-hyped new logo.
The Arizona State University athletic department unveiled its new threads at a press conference -- complete with fog machines and a laser show -- at the university yesterday afternoon, and they were met with mixed reviews.

When we see fog machines, we expect to have our minds blown. That was not the case at yesterday's over-the-top confab.

The new look/marketing campaign includes slight -- yet unnoticeable from the upper deck of Sun Devil Stadium -- changes to the uniforms, which you can see here.

Most notable of the changes is the dismissal of "Sparky," the school's longtime devilish mascot, as the school's logo. He's been replaced by a fork.

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Arizona White Kids Becoming Endangered Species, Census Study Shows

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Bad news for nativists: the United States will become a "white minority" in about 30 years, according to a recent study of census data.

But wait -- there's more bad news for racists living in Arizona: the Grand Canyon State is among 10 states where white children already are a minority.

According to a Brookings Institute review of 2010 census information, the number of white children in the U.S. has dropped by 4.3 million since 2000. Meanwhile, the population of Hispanic and Asian kids grew by 5.5 million.



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Federal Government Dishes Out $119,000 in Fraudulent Tax Returns to Arizona Rapist Serving Life Sentence. Oops.

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Troy Fears
While the inefficiency of the Internal Revenue Service is enough to make most Americans want to bang their heads against a wall (or fly an airplane into one of its offices), it's paid off nicely for an Arizona man currently serving a life sentence at a Maine prison.

Troy Fears, 54, a convicted rapist from Arizona, ended up incarcerated in Maine as part of an inmate swap after serving time at a prison in Oregon. While in the Oregon prison, Fears managed to swindle about $119,000 from the federal government, including federal stimulus funds -- and the IRS never caught it. Rather, a guard intercepted some of his mail and handed it over to federal authorities.

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Gilbert Creep Charged With Extortion After Demanding "Finder's Fee" for Wedding Ring Found at Gas Station

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Gary Barnett

​On Sunday, Gary Maitha found himself in a nightmare situation for any married man: he lost his wedding ring.

Luckily, the ring was found by 41-year-old Gary Barnett, who offered to return it to Maitha -- as long as he agreed to pay a $100 "finder's fee," which aside from being a really dick move, also is illegal.

According to Gilbert police, Maitha left his ring at a Quick Trip convenience store at 726 South Gilbert Road on Sunday. The ring was later found by Barnett, who gave his phone number to store employees, telling them if someone came in looking for a ring to give him a call.

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