Cesar Garcia, Without a Ride Home From Police Station, Steals an Ambulance, Cops Say

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Andrew Malone via Flickr


Question: What's the best way to get home from the police station after being arrested?

Cesar Garcia's alleged answer: Steal the ambulance from the police department parking lot, of course.

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Mayor Greg Stanton Switches Gears on Food Tax Repeal

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Phoenix Mayor Greg Stanton
Phoenix Mayor Greg Stanton, who pledged during this 2011 mayoral campaign to repeal the city's 2 percent emergency food tax by April 1, is not likely to deliver on that promise.

Stanton says he not betraying public trust.

"I believed the economy was going to be in a better place, and a lot of economists also believed that," Stanton says. "And during the campaign, I was criticized for taking the cautious even approach."

That approach was couching his pledge to repeal the food tax with a qualifier -- saying he was in favor of repealing the tax in a responsible way that protects public safety.



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Grenades Aren't the Best Thing to Pack in a Suitcase, Mesa Airport Passenger Discovers

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moronregistry.com
Believe it or not, grenades are not allowed on airplanes in this country.

That fact was apparently discovered by someone Sunday as they tried to bring a grenade in their luggage at the Phoenix-Mesa Gateway Airport.

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Jaica Rowley Didn't Want Her Son to Leave Home, So She Zip-Tied Him in the Backyard

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MCSO
Jaica Rowley
Out of all the parenting methods used to keep an kid from leaving the house, keeping him zip-tied in the backyard probably isn't the best way.

According to the Mesa cops who found a bloody 11-year-old boy with his feet zip-tied together, and his hands zip-tied to a porch in his mom's backyard, it's child abuse.

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White House Responds to Secession Petitions, Explains How America Works

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chronicleoftheoldwest.com
Thanks to President Barack Hussein Obama, this is not the new flag for Arizona.
Although the meaningless online petition begging the federal government to let Arizona secede didn't even get enough signatures to warrant a response, eight other states' petitions did.

To paraphrase the White House employee who responded to the petitions, "No."

See also:
-Arizona Secession Movement Can't Even Gather Enough Support on Meaningless Online Petition
-Obama Haters Are So Upset That They're Asking the White House to Let Arizona Secede
-Attention Arizona Secessionists: Some Considerations for Your Brilliant Plan
-Best Reader-Submitted Name for Arizona's (Imaginary) New Government?

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Arizona Secession Movement Can't Even Gather Enough Support on Meaningless Online Petition

az_confederate_flag360.jpg
chronicleoftheoldwest.com
The national flag of the "Republikkk of Dumbfuckistan."
Don't worry, folks -- President Obama will not have to take into consideration the thousands of people who wanted Arizona to secede from the United States.

It's not like the president would've given a rat's ass either way, but one of the young bucks at Cronkite News Service noticed that the online petition for Arizona's secession didn't even get enough signatures to reach the White House's threshold for consideration.

See also:
-Obama Haters Are So Upset That They're Asking the White House to Let Arizona Secede
-Attention Arizona Secessionists: Some Considerations for Your Brilliant Plan
-Best Reader-Submitted Name for Arizona's (Imaginary) New Government?


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Attention Arizona Secessionists: Some Considerations for Your Brilliant Plan

az_confederate_flag360.jpg
chronicleoftheoldwest.com
With President Obama's re-election, the empty threat from the people who just loathe the Leader of the Free World has changed from "I'M MOVING TO CANADA" to "WE'RE SECEDING."

By "we're seceding," we're referring to the roughly 18,500 people who signed a petition on the Internet, asking the White House to let Arizona secede and start its own government. To those 18,500-plus, allow us to point out some things you may have overlooked in the planning process.

See also:
-Obama Haters Are So Upset That They're Asking the White House to Let Arizona Secede


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"Sovereign Citizen"/Alleged Weed Salesman Fails at Bartering for Get-Out-of-Jail-Free Card

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MCSO
Steve Baker
The "sovereign citizen movement" movement still exists, as evidenced by Steve Baker's alleged offer to a Phoenix police officer last night -- if the cop just let him go, Baker said he wouldn't have to place a lien against the officer's own home.

That didn't go over in Baker's favor, and according to court documents obtained by New Times, the bags of marijuana in his car didn't help his cause.

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Sheriff Candidate Bails Out Inmate Who Claims Jail Guards Beat Him; MCSO Calls B.S.

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MCSO
Kolten Clark
An inmate was recently bailed out of the Fourth Avenue Jail by Democratic Maricopa County Sheriff candidate John Rowan, after the inmate told his family he'd been beaten by jail staff.

That inmate is now facing another criminal charge, as the Maricopa County Sheriff's Office says it has evidence that Kolton Clark fabricated the whole story.

The Arizona Republic wrote last week about Rowan bailing Clark out of jail -- where he was being held on assault charges -- noting that the "video that capture[d] Clark's entire time in custody" didn't show detention officers beating up Clark.

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Brent Anderson Finds Out That Allegedly Kidnapping His Daughter and Moving to Mexico Doesn't Get Him Off the Hook for Child Support

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MCSO
Brent Ian Anderson, who has not conducted extensive research on the legal system in the United States.
In late February, Brent Ian Anderson decided the best way to avoid paying child support was to take his 3-year-old daughter to Mexico and not tell the kiddo's mother about it.

Turns out, Anderson was incorrect about that, because the authorities just flew him and the youngster from Mazatlan, Mexico, to Phoenix yesterday, and he was booked into jail.

According to court documents obtained by New Times, Anderson and the baby's mama had a court-ordered custody plan, but that was violated on February 22 when Anderson didn't return his daughter.

None of Anderson's family members knew where he went, although Anderson had previously threatened to take the youngster to Mexico rather than pay for child support, according to the documents.

Luckily for the authorities/kid/kid's mother/everyone not named Ian Anderson, Anderson's new wife blabbed to all the neighbors that she and Anderson were moving to Mexico with his daughter.

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