Top 10 Things to Do if You Wake Up in a Mexican Jail

Categories: List This
mexico-map-tx.jpg
Mexico.
The case of Goodyear mother Yanira Maldonado is a good reminder that when you're going to Mexico, you might never know when the federales are going to pin a crime on you, and take you to jail.

Since it took Maldonado more than a week to get out of jail for sitting on the same public bus as 12 pounds of marijuana, we thought it'd be a good idea to throw some tips together for the next time you wake up in a Mexican jail.

See also:
-Yanira Maldonado Out of Mexican Jail; Feds Point to Warning of Danger in Sonora
-Are You 1,000 Times Less Likely to Visit Mexico After Yanira Maldonado?
-State Department Reminder: Traveling to Mexico Can Be Scary

1.) Determine that you're actually in Mexico
mexico-map.jpg
geology.com

 
This one can be tough, especially if you're coming down from a lot of drugs and alcohol, or if the public-school system in the U.S. of A. failed you. Remember, New Mexico is not Mexico. We understand this can be confusing if you've never seen a map before. Also, border towns are often on both sides of the border, like Nogales, Arizona, and Nogales, Sonora, Mexico. First things first, right?


2.) Determine if you've actually committed a crime
crime_scene111.jpg
mainstreetcounselinggroup.com

 
Are you guilty of the charges you were jailed on? Is there a body? If you can say "no" to either of these questions, you might have a good defense -- that you didn't do it. There's also the high likelihood that you are in jail because you did break a law, which makes a lot of these tips more helpful, like . . .

3.) Be judicious with your bribes
bribe.jpg
fellowshipofminds.wordpress.com

 
People love a good bribing. It's also some age-old advice for the American traveler into Mexico. Sure, a nice $100 bill to the policía might get you out of jail for taking a piss on the sidewalk in a tequila-induced stupor. However, the worst part about the bribery game (aside from it being expensive) is that if it doesn't work, there's always the issue of bribery itself being a crime, thus increasing the chances of you being held in that Mexican jail.

4.) Find a Mexican attorney
Debt-Settlement-Attorney.jpg
nomorecreditcards.com

 
This might be the worst part -- because you're waking up in a Mexican jail, all those attorney jingles from TV commercials in America that you've memorized over the years are now useless, since you'll be needing an attorney who's hip to the laws of Mexico. Lerner and Rowe is not the way to go (they're injury attorneys anyway, dipshit).1-800-THE-EAGLE and 877-96-LEGAL are equally useless in this situation. J.G. Wentworth isn't even a law firm. Call the consulate, they'll help you figure it out.



My Voice Nation Help
16 comments
Gene Daily
Gene Daily

I like a laugh. Sometimes we just take thing to serious.

Gary Waterman
Gary Waterman

I agree with Jeffrey. I had plenty of fun, hazzy, dazzy weekends at Rocky Point 20yrs ago..but you couldnt drag me across that border right now. Some of my friends say im a p-ssy for being that way but I point out to them that I dont see them spending many Friday nights hangin out in the high crime areas right here in town. Why the eff would I go to a HIGHER crime area where even the Police wont show up until AFTER things calm down if something happens.

Larry Brown
Larry Brown

I thought it was funny. I already know #7 but #10 would be my first option.

Jeffrey Wade
Jeffrey Wade

Nope, its not off. Its just a dry attempt at humor. Leave the dry comedy to the Brits. They are the best at it after all.

Jeffrey Wade
Jeffrey Wade

Or you could just stay away from Mexico and not have to worry about any of that BS in the first place. You couldn't pay me to go down there.

iheartcasualracism
iheartcasualracism

man, this is New Times pandering at its finest. the pseudo-racism in this article (to make a joke???) fails at being funny or clever and is just sort of sad. then, the ever-prevalent "don't drop the soap" line. Is Matthew Hendley a five year old?

wtf...
wtf...

Seriously Hendley is this a personal beef against going down to Mexico? What is it with you and your obsession about this Maldonado lady? she related to you? or you just hate Mexico in general? 

We all know drug dealers are getting trickier about transporting drugs and putting them under a bus seat seems just like another way to do so, let's just say if you are traveling up north using a greyhound from Phx to Seattle and the cops find a stash under your seat.. do you really think they're going to let you go because "we're not in Mexico"??? you stupid or what? of course you're gonna spend time in Arpaio's jail until it gets cleared up just like this lady had to.

Damn I miss those days when NT was a good Alternative News source!...

valleynative
valleynative topcommenter

@wtf...  They wouldn't let you go because "we're not in Mexico", but because we have more competent and honest police departments who would quickly realize that they have no way to prove who it belonged to, particularly if the packages were strapped under the seats in a way that couldn't possibly have been done discreetly by a boarding passenger.  A mother with no priors certainly wouldn't be held for a week without being allowed to post bail.

wtf...
wtf...

@valleynative @wtf..."we have more competent and honest police departments who would quickly realize that they have no way to prove who it belonged to"..... I don't know if that was joke or what to be honest with you. Do you know how many people are in Joe's jails waiting to be sentenced FOR MONTHS! only to be released after finding out they can't be prosecuted or for being innocent.

"A mother with no priors certainly wouldn't be held for a week" ..... Yeah because the Mexican Police would know she has no priors ....get real man!



IdontRecall
IdontRecall

@valleynative."....but because we have more competent and honest police departments who would quickly realize that they have no way to prove who it belopnged to,...blah..blah..blah...". where have U been?. Luz Rascon, remember? incarcerated for 9 months, no bail , no priors. I guess that's what U call a competent and honest Law Enforcement Agency.

valleynative
valleynative topcommenter

@IdontRecall  That was unusual enough to be newsworthy.  If Maldanado's family hadn't gone to the media, this would just be another one of many, many like it.


valleynative
valleynative topcommenter

@MandyMountain @valleynative @wtf... Where do you get "universal honesty and good intent?"  There are a few bad cops.  Arpaio is one example, if I can stretch the word "cop" to include him.

The simple fact is that there's too much oversight for more than a small minority of cops to be corrupt.

Now Trending

Phoenix Concert Tickets

From the Vault

 

General

Home

Loading...