Joe Arpaio and Steven Seagal Star as Complete Asses on the Colbert Report

Categories: Laugh Track
colbert-arpaio-seagal.jpg
Comedy Central
Please reset the "days without an Arizona-related Comedy Central news segment" counter back to zero.

Thanks to Sheriff Joe Arpaio taking this weekend to exploit dead children by inviting the media and a pseudo-celebrity to a simulated school shooting, Arpaio and Steven Seagal were featured on yesterday's edition of the Colbert Report.

See also:
-Is Steven Seagal a Certified Doofus?
-Arpaio's Posse Doing a School-Shooting Simulation With Steven Seagal
-Steven Seagal Resigned Rather Than Face IA Investigation
-New Times Rolls With Joe Arpaio's School-Patrol Posse; Nobody Dies
-Joe Arpaio Releases List of Posse-Patrolled Schools, Talks Publicity Stunts

The Colbert segment actually does a good job of combining all the ridiculous aspects of Arpaio's posse-patrol, which isn't hard to do when Arpaio creates publicity stunts with any sort of longevity to them -- like the "birther" investigation.

The Colbert Report segment, starring Arpaio as ass one, and Seagal as ass two, can be seen below:



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57 comments
wherewasi
wherewasi

Any way you look at it, Colbert once again nailed it with some highly entertaining comments.  I love this guy!  Hard to believe he is actually a Republican.  LOL.

DNichols
DNichols

Amazing, for Media attention Arpaio is now pretending to want to protect children after ignoring over Four Hundred, and Fifty reported cases of Child Molesting and Rape to his M.C.S.O. Office?!

What a Jack Ass.

bobby5527
bobby5527

Mr. Hendley & Lemmons are only reporting on what's current in Arizona be it stupid or sane. Arpaio 's just taking advantage of a tragic event to garner publicity and attention for himself with the aid of a C grade actor. Colbert had a bigger forum to speak from and you can only guess what the rest of the nation now thinks of Arizona. No one wishes Sheriff Joe to die but out of all the sheriffs serving in Arizona why is it we only hear of only two of them and the most negative attention is shown by old Joe. Instead of this publicity seeking and waste of money, amid claims of understaffing Joe really should be concentrating more resources on resolving cases referred to by danzigsdaddy.

azcumsquelcher
azcumsquelcher

If Sheriff Joe suddenly died, I bet Matthew Hendley & Stephen Lemmons would waste away in their beds, unable to rise each morning because their lives have been stripped of any purpose or meaning.

danzigsdaddy
danzigsdaddy topcommenter

yet another epic failure of follow through was just released in MCSO's report on the sex crimes internal investigation. KPHO 5 got the 10,000 page report. there was absolutely no activity on the cases or the investigations in 2012. Joe had said he had those cases being re-investigated while he was campaigning for re-election. his own departments 10,000 page report shows there was NO activity for 2012 on them and the last activity was this year as they absolved themselves of any guilt in bungling these cases.

http://m.kpho.com/w/main/story/85023153/

cybercy_2000
cybercy_2000

KPHO did an article about the school posse members, 2 of whom are convicts!  One for pedophile and the other for forgery! And sheriff joe lets these kind of people on his posse and allow them to be around our children???  Somebody needs to look into this more.

Tommy_Collins
Tommy_Collins

The cruel irony is that as much as this makes great fodder for comedy, there's really nothing funny about it. Especially when we consider that the two goobers involved might be taking themselves seriously.

Warrior-X
Warrior-X

Steven Seagal has really porked out. What is he now, 250lbs? 300 maybe? He's unrecognizable.

IdontRecall
IdontRecall

Jaffy...Jaffy...here biatch...where are You Jaffy? nothing to say? it 's hard to defend the undefenseable ah Jaffy. N-WAY, this is what is needed, expose the POS Shurf and his Circus, make averybody aware of how the Old Fool uses a tragedy to gain publicity and at the same time exposing children to a grest danger with His unexperienced Posse of Clowns, drug dealers, sex offenders....... and Diaper wearers. Maybe some of the child molesters from the 400+ cases made it into the Posse, probably that's why He didn't do shit about it; He couldn't risk exposing them......or maybe He "unknowingly hired them".

JohnQ.Public
JohnQ.Public

OK - just watched the clip.  Very funny.  "It takes real dedication to guard a school that you are not allowed within 500 feet of."  That was awesome.

WhoKnows
WhoKnows topcommenter

Sheriff Arpaio hired former employee, convicted child-sex criminal, for armed school “posse”

"The convicted child sex criminal posse member worked for Arpaio for years in the Sheriff’s office until he was arrested in 2009."

americablog.com/2013/02/sheriff-arpaio-creates-posse-for-local-schools-includes-child-sex-abuse-criminals.html

danzigsdaddy
danzigsdaddy topcommenter

heres the way i see it, i wont pay the $2 it takes to see a Steven Seagal movie, what makes Joe think I want to pay the settlement in a lawsuit for the damages someone trained in the "Seagal Method" of school defense is going to cost me?

danzigsdaddy
danzigsdaddy topcommenter

if it takes SWAT members quite a while to learn how to do this, and requires constant practice and training from competent instructors, isnt Seagal leading someones grandpa into danger by cutting him loose with only 4 hours of training from a guy who cant even touch his toes anymore? Be smart Seagal, give them each .75 and the number for the Phoenix Police Department

wherewasi
wherewasi

@bobby5527 - Although some of us would not shed too many tears if Mother Nature and Father Time finally catch up with the senile old man...

WhoKnows
WhoKnows topcommenter

@azcumsquelcher If Arpaio died, would it require you to get another tattoo of Joke on your dick?

azcumsquelcher
azcumsquelcher

@cybercy_2000 Holey Moley!!! Out of thousands of volunteer posse members (glorified security guards), is it really possible that a few of them were criminals at one time or another? That seems pretty goddamn shocking to me. And cybercy, you don't need to worry about anyone failing to look into a purported misdeed of the MCSO. There are people whose sole task it is to investigate and report on every potential mistake the MCSO has ever committed

danzigsdaddy
danzigsdaddy topcommenter

@Tommy_Collins thats what i am trying to say Tommy. Seagal is on the news saying that if people dont approve of what he is doing they are a disgrace to the human race. meanwhile he is giving an entire group (some learn slower than others, so it is not really a good way to teach something like this) a total of about 4 hours of hand to hand, weapons, threat assessment, and  threat response training. that would equal about 1 hour each thing, and that is assuming they are fit, and already have had extensive training. after this training he is giving these people with no experience the impression that they are now ready and competent to take on a armed person competently. by Seagals own admission this is something that took him YEARS to learn and YEARS to master and still required constant practice (evidently it took millions of hours to maintain these skills for Steven). what he is doing is both irresponsible and dangerous. " Little Knowledge is a Dangerous Thing" he is giving these people a false sense of security and giving them a wrong impression that they are prepared. THEY ARE NOT!!!!  there is a reason SWAT, the Military and many others train for years and constantly hone their skills before even attempting stuff like this. all Seagal is doing is setting these people up to fail horribly and quite possibly not only risk their own deaths, but the lives of others. if these are skills that can be passed on successfully and competently in just 4 hours......why did it take Steve hundreds of thousands of hours if not millions? if its that easy to learn and it took Steve that long to learn, well then he really shouldnt be the one teaching it should he? sorry Seagal, but it looks like you are the disgrace to the human race by knowingly settting these people loose with little knowledge and a false sense of preparation and security.

bob_lablaw96
bob_lablaw96

@IdontRecall Jaffy is busy sucking what he believes is Hollywood A-list dick, so he cannot cum to the keyboard yet.  Once he has finished a load of crap from those two fat losers, he will show up and bitch at all of us

danzigsdaddy
danzigsdaddy topcommenter

so according to Seagal (who has had millions of hours of practice and training) anybody who puts in 4 hours of class, can step into a ring or on a range with him, and not only hold their own.....they should be able to effectively stop him too

danzigsdaddy
danzigsdaddy topcommenter

@JohnQ.Public you win (besides that would still be more than Seagals last 5 movies took in  at the box office)

allanbartlett
allanbartlett topcommenter

@azcumsquelcher 7th grade? Was that your first 'sword' fight with a male gym teacher?

wherewasi
wherewasi

@azcumsquelcher - Well, since we're not in Romania, the English translation suggests a rather perverse sexual conotation.  Perhaps it would be prudent to chose a name that is less suggestive and/or less misunderstood?

azcumsquelcher
azcumsquelcher

@wherewasi @azcumsquelcher prudent observation. However, that is a combination of Romanian words and has nothing to do with sexual perversion. I wasn't passing judgement either, just making an observation and expressing my confusion over why I should tattoo "joke" on my dick. Is that just a play on words of 'Joe?' It's a stupid joke if you ask me

wherewasi
wherewasi

@azcumsquelcher  - and common sense would always suggest that someone using the name "azcumsquelcher" is the ideal person to pass judgement on the maturity of others, eh?

azcumsquelcher
azcumsquelcher

@WhoKnows @azcumsquelcher @cybercy_2000 if you looked further into the issue, you will see that the man convicted of sending explicit materials to children was an MCSO correctional officer for 7 years before being charged with his crimes. He was subsequently fired from the department and, being a citizen of Canada, was entered into deportation proceedings with immigration & customs. The "news" media is reporting this as if Arpaio knowingly hired a sex offender to his posse when in reality, the guy was a member and MCSO officer before he was accused of committing the crimes. I highly doubt MCSO failed to perform background checks on these people 

danzigsdaddy
danzigsdaddy topcommenter

@azcumsquelcher i agree it is a random thing and is unlikely to happen here in Az, but Joe is wanting to gear up with full auto, have Seagal train the ones who are there like it was a terrorist invasion and do it all as if it is a daily occurance. there are decent cops out there who are willing to lay down their lives to stop something from happening and i feel they are being disrespected by Seagal and Joe turning it into a mockery with their antics. i have taught many people  tactical shooting and am amazed how once they get just a little training they think they are professional shooters. it doesnt happen like that. and Joe and Steve are more concerned about getting on the news with their training than they are with really making these people prepared. if Seagal and Joe were serious about this training, it would be more than 4 hours and would be a constant program. the guy who gets one lesson in gun safety is the one who is more prone to shooting himself in the foot than the guy who is daily taking getting refresher courses in firearms. practice makes perfect, one lesson only makes you dangerous

azcumsquelcher
azcumsquelcher

@danzigsdaddy It may not be most, but a good number of these posse members are former police officers, meaning that they are POST certified. As a result of this, many are already permitted to carry weapons and do so on a regular basis. I don't have a problem with putting these people through basic rather than extensive training. Steven Seagal might not be the best trainer and 4 hours might not be sufficient training time but it's not like we're putting these people in front of the Taliban or something. They're driving around school parking lots looking for things that are out of the ordinary. To think that we are putting these geezers or the children they are supposed to be protecting at risk is asinine. When was the last time we had a school shooting in Arizona? This shit is random and no matter what precautions you take, the craziest sons of bitches will find a way to hurt the public.

danzigsdaddy
danzigsdaddy topcommenter

@azcumsquelcher you are entitled to that belief, i am just expressing my concern over the false hope they are giving these posse members. some guy believing he is prepared is going to walk face first into a hail of gunfire, and i honestly dont want to see that happen. as much as i detest Joe....some of those posse members are trying to help and do have their hearts in the right place. those are the guys i dont want to see die unnecessarily

danzigsdaddy
danzigsdaddy topcommenter

@azcumsquelcher i dont like Seagall or Arpaio, but it is immoral of them to be giving these people a false impression that they are trained in something.if 4 hours would cut it, boot camp wouldnt be 8 weeks

danzigsdaddy
danzigsdaddy topcommenter

@azcumsquelcher i think he is endangering people he is training. he is spending minimal time with them, no follow up training and then trying to get them to believe they are prepared. not only is it not real protection for the schools, its a set up for failure by the people who believe him that 4 hours can replace years of training

azcumsquelcher
azcumsquelcher

@danzigsdaddy as much as I disagree with you all I think it's hysterical that Steven Seagal reported to have spent that much time on the range

danzigsdaddy
danzigsdaddy topcommenter

@JohnQ.Public "hello....Joe?  yeah, hey its Bob. tomorrow is payday, so if you want to make that raid today......i can make that campaign contribution you wanted after the raid"

JohnQ.Public
JohnQ.Public

@danzigsdaddy @bob_lablaw96 Entitlement numbers....Are those the numbers employers call when they want to be given a free pass for hiring undocumented workers.  Are those the entitlement numbers you're referring to.

danzigsdaddy
danzigsdaddy topcommenter

@JohnQ.Public  actually he is right in a way. those entitlement numbers for the posse seem to have gotten them off the hook for things like sex crimes, drug charges, assault and many other things

JohnQ.Public
JohnQ.Public

@bob_lablaw96 let's try to stay on topic. This is about Arpaio and Seegal, not Obama

danzigsdaddy
danzigsdaddy topcommenter

@JohnQ.Public eh? whats that sonny? hello.....hello mabel?  i need Klondike 645.......hello?   hello???

JohnQ.Public
JohnQ.Public

@danzigsdaddy "See, you press all the numbers in the telephone number and then press send.  No Mabel, I said send, not end.  SEND, Mabel.  Press SEND."

JohnQ.Public
JohnQ.Public

@danzigsdaddy Maybe he can hand out those cell phones with the really, really big oversized buttons and the emergency-only calling plan and spend 4 hours teaching the posse members how to use them.

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