Joe Arpaio's "Birther" Investigation in You Write the Caption

joeglobe.jpg
Your Caption Here
Maricopa County Sheriff Joe Arpaio may have blown it on 432 sex-crime investigations, but there's one "investigation" he's quite proud of: his "Cold Case Posse's" investigation into whether President Barack Obama's eligible to be president.

In honor of the sheriff's (embarrassing) investigation into the continuously debunked "birther" conspiracy theory (and the friggin' beating America's self-proclaimed "toughest sheriff" is taking in the press these days) we've opted for the above cover of Globe, one of the sheriff's favorite publications, for this week's New Times You Write the Caption contest.

Here's how you play You Write the Caption: We show you a picture (above) and you -- in the comment section of this post -- write what you think would be an appropriate caption.

On Monday, we'll announce the top-five reader captions and put them to a vote. The winner will receive a pay-your-own-way trip to the historic New Times building for a firm handshake and a lukewarm glass of Phoenix municipal tap water.

Do your worst, New Times readers
-- and, as always, let's keep the death threats to a minimum.

Advertisement

My Voice Nation Help
50 comments
Rose4Justice
Rose4Justice

Obama Cover-Up ExposedObama Flight Risk Denied Bail Will Michelle be Next?

JESTERJACKSON
JESTERJACKSON

Sheriff Joe Arpaio pointing out the size of Obama's nose, the way his ears stick out and the color of his shirt as proof, because Joe know what an illegal alien looks like.

maybe368
maybe368

"I am going to give you such a probing and this is the finger that I am gonna use"

Rick A Hyatt
Rick A Hyatt

The real secret the Socialist Democrats can't have out is disastrous for them:  Who is listed as "Father" on Obama's real  birth certificate.  Perhaps seemingly innocuous at the time, the Hawaii Socialist Democrats  probably knew who General Markus Wolf was at the time of the issuance of the "Certificate of Live Birth," and that his specialty was in the breeding, grooming, documenting and running by remote mnemonic command, his "Manchurian Candidates."Leading to the capture of the Presidency by Communist interests, that would bring Hawaii out of the sphere of US interests, and benefit them personally."Master Spy" Gen. Wolf was the head of the Stasi, the notorious East German version of the CIA, and he ran many spy rings. He'd been trained in Moscow after fleeing the Hitler regime, since he was Jewish.I know - I was his  codename "Sapphire," and you've heard of "Topaz" and "Turquoise..." There are some other "Jewels" out there...  I was ordered to hand over those COSMIC TOP SECRET documents to the other side, for example.  All pure hogwash and disinformation, they lapped it up, but such did convince the Soviets not to send tanks over with the coming-down of the Berlin Wall, something Wolf really didn't want to see happen. A true credit to him as an actual humanitarian.Espionage is ALL duplicity...When this comes out, the true question to be asked will be "Why did the CIA let this go on so long?"The answer is in the novel I've written, "Bred to be a Manchurian Candidate," available at Kindle.com, paperback at Lulu.com, or visit my website at www.rickhyatt.freeservers.com for even more shocking information.I, too, cannot help but wonder what is taking the FBI so long to officially contact me. And bring me in out of the frickin' cold!

Jhende22003
Jhende22003

Sheriff Joe says "When I accuse someone, they stay accused! When I smear someone, they stay smeared! When I finger someone, well you get the idea!!!"

Amadeus332
Amadeus332

Let me guess....Joe licks his finger?

Hendersnott
Hendersnott

"Ava laughed when I told her the probe involved a MicroFish ... that's her pet name for my wiener."

Tommy Collins
Tommy Collins

"Trying to screw over our current President is our NUMBER ONE PRIORITY here at MCSO.

Sex crimes in El Mirage, not so much, we don't even know if there are victims"

Gerry_C
Gerry_C

That is Brewer's top priority too.  She even 'wrote' a book to do just that.  However, the publisher rejected her pictures and hired a ghost writer.

Lifeflame
Lifeflame

Sherif Joe: Damnit!!! If I say Obamas Mexican/Kenyon and here Illegially, then he is!!! "

One time, in band camp...
One time, in band camp...

This is what America has become.  We are fat, lazy, greedy and stupid.  Mostly stupid.  By the way, the sheriff didn't probe Obama, aliens did.  And I heard Bat Boy was there too!  Or maybe it was Bigfoot.  No, I think it was Tiger Woods. Wait, who is Natalie Woods?   I don't know.  My head hurts from thinking.  Need to eat something, then tweet, then check Facebook, play X-Box, then eat something, then watch The Real Housewifes of Whittman, then go sell grandma's gold ring, then get title loan, then look under the couch cushions for the remote (hey there's some change AND A MINT!) then eat something, then buy some cigarettes, beer, fried pork skins, gum and another tabloid.  Then complain about that nazi commie socialist Obama, then... Is this a caption? What's a caption?

woefatcat
woefatcat

"I mean, I had THIS finger all the way up there. And you know what? It felt Kenyan."

Mikey1969
Mikey1969

President Obama reacts to being probed, as Sheriff Arpaio(Inset) demonstrates his legendary probing technique, which was developed over the course of many long, lonley nights spent in Tent City. According to local legend, once you've been probed by Sheriff Arpaio, your life will never be the same.

Toad51560
Toad51560

Breaking News: Arpaio finds Obama was really born in UbeckyBeckyBeckyStanStan.Horny Hermie confirms Arpaio's findings...

JOE JOE has got to GO
JOE JOE has got to GO

After reading the Globe headlines Obama states "you know Joe, I heard you guys at the MCSO like to literally probe each with your pants down in Arizona but I believe the writer's at the Globe mean probe in a figurative manner!                

AZJrzGirl
AZJrzGirl

Obama responds to Arpaio: I like long walks on the beach after anal.

Joe Mamma
Joe Mamma

With Sheriff Joe closing in on Obama true identity Obama says "you know lets hide my Kenyan birth certificate in all of those sex crimes files in AZ, Joe will never find them there".

Gerry_C
Gerry_C

The Globe announced today that the country's UFO sightings have been non-existent since the Obama birth certificate issue began.  Chief Editor Burle E. Dick noted that the birth certificate issue requires lots of new original writing and warned about declining Globe profits because UFO stories are the Globe's bread and butter and are inexpensive to prepare.  He hopes that Arpaio will clear this up quick so the UFO industry will be reignited.

mikefrombisbee
mikefrombisbee

Sheriff Joe Arpaio (America's toughest-talking sheriff) announced today that NASA has signed a contract with the Sun City posse to determine if there is indeed life on Mars...

Gerry_C
Gerry_C

I thought it was to determine if there was intelligent life in the Wells Fargo building.

mikefrombisbee
mikefrombisbee

I think we can rule that out - as well as intelligent life in the Babbitt Tower.

Ruben Andrade
Ruben Andrade

In next week's Globe: Sherrif Joe Finds Loch Ness Monster's Secret Hangout! Also, are space aliens real? Sherrif Joe: "Not in Arizona! I better not find out anyone is hiring them!"  

DNichols
DNichols

Joe Arpaio is the Perfect Person to investigate Fraudulent Documents.

Especially after taking six months to Cook M.C.S.O. Books before handing them over to a Federal Subpeona!

Perhaps Arpaio is the "True Expert" of Forging Documents?

Joe Mamma
Joe Mamma

Obama: You can quote me on this "now that the sex crimes scandal is taking down America Toughest Sheriff we can finally say that an end to Arizona's Redneck Revolution is near"

Gerry_C
Gerry_C

Not an entry, but I am guessing there will be considerable competition in this Write the Caption edition.

VIMIIS
VIMIIS

I am pointing my finger at you Obama.  Ignore the three fingers that are pointing back at me.  I am the greatest Sheriff ever.  Everyone knows that...................

WhoKnows
WhoKnows

"Arpaio says Obama was left behind by the same space aliens that gave him an anal probe"

AZJrzGirl
AZJrzGirl

SHERIFF ARPAIO FINGER PROBES OBAMA!

AZJrzGirl
AZJrzGirl

(Sheriff Arpaio to Obama): YO f$%knut! It's probing time.

Joe Mamma
Joe Mamma

 Joe with more than 40 years of experience under his belt is well on his way in winning the finger pointing contest that will inevitably come from the all of the mishandled sexual abuse cases out of El Mirage! 

mikefrombisbee
mikefrombisbee

Looks to me like there's a lot more body fat than experience under THAT belt.

Tommy Collins
Tommy Collins

Mike, it's actually ONE YEAR experience, forty times over. Some folks just learn the first year and then go into neutral, spinning in place like the proverbial hamster in the cage, running like hell and going nowhere. Nickel Bagging.

mikefrombisbee
mikefrombisbee

And what other sheriff gets his face on the front page of the Globe, I ask you? That, my friend, is probably our "tough-talking sheriff''s" crowning triumph. Larry Deaver and Paul Babeau pale in comparison.

Gerry_C
Gerry_C

You have to really consider that this poor man has had more bullets fired at him than an episode of the A-team and has managed to survive through skill and his 50 yrs of LE experience.  He also lives under the constant threat of assassination, exploding spiders, people that would disrespect the Sheriff, cartels that can't go through normal procurement channels and have to urgently text in assassination contracts on the Sheriff's head.  How can he even find time to be Sheriff with all these perpetual threats?  You gotta cut the guy some slack.  What other Sheriff has so many people trying to keep him from doing his job?

Tommy Collins
Tommy Collins

I guess I was being a bit harsh, Mike. Thanks for reining me back in...

mikefrombisbee
mikefrombisbee

Aw, come on, Tommy, cut the guy some slack. After all, he single-handedly broke up the French Connection, solved the Kennedy assassination, ended the Cold War and took out Osama Bin Ladin.

Joe Mamma
Joe Mamma

In the photo: Obama aware of SB1070 is slow to reach for his wallet to pull out his birth certificate because he knows he has a finger pointing lunatic with a gun behind him that do any thing for publicity except for catching sexual predators.

Gerry_C
Gerry_C

Screw Arpaio and Obama, I want to see the story on Condi.  Any pictures of her legs inside?

Ross
Ross

And when did you develop this liking for lesbians?

Gerry_C
Gerry_C

Come on Ross.  I am always happy to work on voluntary rehabilitation if the legs are looking good.  Don't tell momma that I said that.  She might slice off about 4 inches leaving me with as much as Russell Pearce.

Gerry_C
Gerry_C

In addition to the birth certificate citizenship test, the baptism citizenship test, and the circumcision citizenship test, Arpaio has developed the sphincter citizenship test.  Unfortunately, Arpaio's new test is only proven on old white angry men.

Bnbk
Bnbk

AARPiehole: I've told you once & I'll tell you again, we don't like darkskinned people here in AZ & you sure look like you qualify.I'll do what I want,when I want,to whom I want. If I don't feel like investigating any crimes against children that's my perogative.Keep your mouth shut or I'll have you deported back to Kenya. Got It !.........................Obama: OK,Worlds Toughest Sheriff,afterall I have better things to do than worry myself with any type of abuse of power or any types of crimes against children. I have a re-election campaign to run.

mikefrombisbee
mikefrombisbee

Investigate ME, will you? Hey, I'm the guy who took down the French Connection AND Elvis! Fear my authority AND my posse!! I'm America's Toughest Sheri!! (Is the TV crew here?)

missy lou
missy lou

man fat ass sure get around.  This old, stinky mother fucker needs to go home and have his dog-like wife take care of him.

Gerry_C
Gerry_C

County Sheriff meets national security issue head on and found it necessary to transfer sexual assault cases to El Mirage PD.

Gerry_C
Gerry_C

The Globe reports that Arpaio is giving Obama the finger.

Amadeus332
Amadeus332

Now I know why Joe likes to lick his middle finger..Joe likes peanut butt-er. 

Gerry_C
Gerry_C

Having Sheriff Joe Arpaio up your ass is worse than a 3 day old bowel movement.  It never hurts, but it sure smells.

Rick A Hyatt
Rick A Hyatt

The real secret the Socialist Democrats can't have out is disastrous for them:  Who is listed as "Father" on Obama's real  birth certificate.  Perhaps seemingly innocuous at the time, the Hawaii Socialist Democrats  probably knew who General Markus Wolf was at the time of the issuance of the "Certificate of Live Birth," and that his specialty was in the breeding, grooming, documenting and running by remote mnemonic command, his "Manchurian Candidates."Leading to the capture of the Presidency by Communist interests, that would bring Hawaii out of the sphere of US interests, and benefit them personally."Master Spy" Gen. Wolf was the head of the Stasi, the notorious East German version of the CIA, and he ran many spy rings. He'd been trained in Moscow after fleeing the Hitler regime, since he was Jewish.I know - I was his  codename "Sapphire," and you've heard of "Topaz" and "Turquoise..." There are some other "Jewels" out there...  I was ordered to hand over those COSMIC TOP SECRET documents to the other side, for example.  All pure hogwash and disinformation, they lapped it up, but such did convince the Soviets not to send tanks over with the coming-down of the Berlin Wall, something Wolf really didn't want to see happen. A true credit to him as an actual humanitarian.Espionage is ALL duplicity...When this comes out, the true question to be asked will be "Why did the CIA let this go on so long?"The answer is in the novel I've written, "Bred to be a Manchurian Candidate," available at Kindle.com, paperback at Lulu.com, or visit my website at www.rickhyatt.freeservers.com for even more shocking information.I, too, cannot help but wonder what is taking the FBI so long to officially contact me. And bring me in out of the frickin' cold!

Now Trending

Phoenix Concert Tickets

From the Vault

 

Loading...