Russell Pearce, Michele Bachmann, and Trent Franks in You Write the Caption

bachmanpearcefranks.jpg
James King
Your Caption Here.

We swiped this terrific photo from the Facebook page of Rachel Alexander, former henchwoman for shamed former Maricopa County Attorney Andrew Thomas (which you can see here). Plus, we've been sitting on the above photo of Arizona Senate President Russell Pearce, Congresswoman Michele Bachmann, and Congressman Trent Franks for more than a week.

It's time for it to get a little love in this week's New Times' You Write the Caption contest.

Bachmann was in town last week to talk about how illegal immigration is now a terrorism issue (read all about that here), and that's when we snapped the above shot.

Here's how you play You Write the Caption: We show you a picture (above) and you -- in the comment section of this post -- write what you think would be an appropriate caption.

On Monday, we'll announce the top-five reader captions and put them to a vote. The winner will receive a pay-your-own-way trip to the historic New Times building for a firm handshake and a lukewarm glass of municipal Phoenix tap water.

Do your worst -- and let's try to keep things somewhat polite (in other words, keep  death threats to a minimum).

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58 comments
10make20
10make20

I now pronounce you husband and husband.

scobob
scobob

Pearce thinking " I'ld like to do her". Trent thinking " I'ld like to do him" Bachmann thinking " I'ld like a do over".

gdog816
gdog816

So, Trent, since you guys got married in Masschusetts, you were required to take Barney's last name? 

StopTheHate
StopTheHate

Michelle Bachmann addressed a small group of followers this week.  She began by saying that she was profoundly saddened that Adolph Hitler couldn't be there to see what [Bachmann and her fellow Tea Party members] were doing to America. She then paused for a moment of silence, after which she said, "Der Fuhrer would have been soooo proud of us!"

Gdog816
Gdog816

"Geeees, Trent, did you just rip one?"  "Of course not, you silly boy, Arpaio just showed up."

Azheynow
Azheynow

You guys all know that my husband, Marcus, is completely straight, right . . . . .  . . . . guys?  Russ?  Trent?  Little help.

drs_n0w
drs_n0w

Bachman:  Move over Hillary.  I'm gonna be the first female president everrrrrrrrrrrrr!Pearce:  What are those damn mexicans doing here?  I'll bet they're illegal and want to rape Bachman.Franks:  I wish she would hurry up and finish her speech.  I really gotta go take a crap.

Kpegjer94
Kpegjer94

Well.....  Ill Be.......finally an updated picture of the THREE STOOGES ........which one is Moe ????

Anon
Anon

OMG, I really want to win the prize, so I'm going to try hard to win the caption!

Reggie VV
Reggie VV

Pearce, Franks and Bachmann.     Name a Nazi, a Nut, and a k-Nucklehead.  (Kudos to Johnny Carson)

restitutiontouscitizensfirst
restitutiontouscitizensfirst

God talks to the former IRS attorney and tells her what to do.  She doesn't need skills, she's got connections (death and taxes) - the others don't dare to wiggle an eyebrow.

hobojo
hobojo

Michele: "You know if you look at Trent's ears close enough you can tell that Russell has a good grip on local politics. I just wish he could move to Minnesota and train my husband"!

Russell: To move up the ranks in politics she must be a great orator and we all know she is not a great speaker!

Trent: I hate all the gay's including this beard and Russell!

Jason
Jason

Dear Tea Partiers:

My name is Michele Bachmann and I support complete and utter corruption.

For example, I got the MCSO shurf to support my campaign. He is "America's shurf" but is currently under DOJ investigation for racial profiling and abuse of power.

I also got mentally sick Pearce on board my campaign because he is a true believer in the U.S. Constitution. That's why he wants to undo the 14th Amendment and is currently being recalled in LD18 after being fired (yet again) from another job.

Trent Franks wants to kill 9,000 jobs that the Tohono O'odham Nation will create by building a new casino/resort in Glendale. This, despite about 10 court and DOI decisions in favor of the Nation. And he wonders why Arizona's unemployment rate is 9.5%

Thank you, and hopefully you support me in my attempt to become the President of the United States.

Sincerely,

Michele Bachmann

Michael David Bryan
Michael David Bryan

Bachman: "Ok, Gentlemen, remember not to look directly into the camera while I speak, just like me."

AZGregory
AZGregory

Republican presidential hopeful Michelle Bachmann pandered to a small crowd of followers in Arizona today as Trent Franks mentally undressed her and Russell Pearce daydreamed: "How about this one, Olivia, 'my dog ate my campaign finance report, ... and my receipts?'"

Bfkron
Bfkron

The modern day version of the Three Stooges.

knowwhatimsayin
knowwhatimsayin

Today in Phoenix, Michelle Bachmann, Russell Pearce and Trent Franks met to discuss illegal immigration.  Simultaneously a new black hole formed due to the overwhelming gravitational density that occurred at that precise location which sucked in all three politicians.  The country rejoiced upon hearing the news.

Painful Rectal Itch
Painful Rectal Itch

Michele to audience: ...and so, finally recognizing the economic and geographic reallities of the situation, I have reversed my position on illegal immigration. I am also pleased to announce the grand opening of the Bachman Family Carwash and Worship Center. We spray away the grime and pray away the gay. My feet are not small. I like monkeys.

Russel thinking: That is the last time I walk into a Waffle House and order the scallops. I'm gonna squirt in my tighty whiteys. Whoops, there it is. Wait, what the he'll did she just say?

Trent thinking: That damn dog is gonna have the trash all over that kitchen when I get home. Holy mother of god! What is that smell? Wait, what did she just say?

da beech mon
da beech mon

During Bachmann's speech at the medals ceremony for Sheriff Joe's 2011 sword swallowing competition, she reveals details of her bizarre training regimen on the State Fair campaign circuit.

Guest23
Guest23

Pearce and Franks with disapointed frowns are thinking "That bitch wouldn't prove to us she wasn't a lesbian back stage."

David Saint
David Saint

is it me, or does it look like they had a threesome earlier that day and Trent and Russ crossed swords and like it?

Yourproductsucks
Yourproductsucks

Life after public service-

Bachman- B 14...B 14...

Voice In the crowd- "Bingo!"

Bachman- do we have a Bingo on B 14?

Pit Boss
Pit Boss

Franks: "I call first lap dance."Pearce: "Fuck you, I'm about to be kicked out of office, I NEED THIS!"Franks: "Fine, but don't beat her up before I get my turn this time."Pearce: "I can't make any promises."

Mistalee
Mistalee

The Three (right-wing) Stooges.

Mistalee
Mistalee

How white is White supremacist Michelle Bachmann? She's Snow White. Seen here posing with (mental) dwarves Dopey and Grumpy.

shadeaux14
shadeaux14

I want to welcome you all to this meeting of VIA ("Village Idiots Anonymous) I would like to welcome Russell and................uh...............uh........................HEY GAYBAIT, WHAT'S YOUR NAME AGAIN????

David Saint
David Saint

"Russ, thats my leg not hers"."hehe, I know Trent" 

hobojo
hobojo

Excuse me, Mrs Future President, can you put that long corn dog down your throat again! it makes me all tingly inside!  

Hobojo
Hobojo

Thinking to himself "I think she wants me more than Trent, hell I'm gay'er than her husband and I've never missed an episode of Glee!!!  

WhoKnows
WhoKnows

Hey Trent!  Being a "Guard Gnome" for Ms Troll isn't a bad gig! Hope I don't get fired from this job too!

Lazik11
Lazik11

Thank you for coming. You are a wonderful audience. I have never seen a sharper looking crowd. I see you all wore your best white hooded robes just for my speech.  

Dumoudan
Dumoudan

Ask a Mexican when he / she plans to end their occupation of El Norte?

Guest23
Guest23

Asses of Evil

Which is also the name of a local band.

Mistalee
Mistalee

Wow, Guest, it looks like YourProductSucks has become your personal stalker. Or deranged fan. Hard to tell. I suspect his calling you a "crazy ass queen" is wishful thinking on his part. As well as his claim that he (ahem) has you "pegged."

Yourproductsucks
Yourproductsucks

I thought you said a persons sexual orientation was off limits. I surprised you didn't Segway into your dream rant about killing them all off "Loughner style."

You are one crazy ass queen.

WhoKnows
WhoKnows

Alternate:

Trent, does she know you're dating Marcus?

Mistalee
Mistalee

Ask Dumoudan why he doesn't go fuck himself in the ass with a sharp stick.

Guest23
Guest23

Yeah, the numbskull keeps trying so hard to get one up on me but he just can't succeed, not that that I haven't supplied enough for someone to do so if they so desired as I have used logical fallacies as rhetorical devices on a few occasions. But he is not the first I have encountered as I have had this sort of fun on Usenet since '89 initially through BBS downloads and uploads and then for years via a Unix shell account all pre-world wide web. My choosing my subjects carefully and being sure of my opinions via evidence and facts tends to lend itself to a perceived arrogance that really gets some peoples goats. Perhaps one day yps will figure out that calling me a homo or variations thereof doesn't bother me personally, hell back when I was a punk kid one of my favorite songs was "I wish I was gay so you'd hate me!" I do find that anyone that use homophobic slurs lik YouProductSucks to be lower than dirt because I know many that had to grow up with such abuse and it really affected them negatively. And thus, I have no problem textually slapping him around a bit for being such a nitwit.

Guest23
Guest23

I never said any such thing ya moron. I stated that in our previous exchange my sexual orientation did not have anything to do with the issue. In that instance it would be considered an ad hominem, a logical fallacy... look it up, besides it being sexist and homophobic, which you once again demonstrate your tendency to such behavior here again. You lie, you throw around homophobic slurs and apparently are not too bright because you set yourself up for textual spankings over and over again. Are you trying to win this forums "village idiot" award or something?

Heh, and though I may be crazy (in a fun sense), I am far from a "queen" as I couldn't pull off femininity very well if I wanted to and I probably have too much body hair as well. The difference between you and me is that I know, like and am friends with some people that are feminine homosexuals and even hetereosexuals that like to dress up like girls while you are probably not and if you were they would be ashamed of how you use someones sexyality as an insult. That may win you points with dumbass social conservatives but not with the rest of humanity.

And this idiot is part of our local police... what a shame, esp for any of those that don't stick to right wing approved sexual stereotypes.

Guest23
Guest23

Sure, I am hip to what local bands are playing as I am not an old fuddy duddy like your boring uninformed macho cop ass.

Besides I am friends with a couple of the members who have long infamous musical histories in Phoenix. That includes Bam Bam, ex drummer for the original JFA line up (the band that helped put Phoenix on the punk rock map) and many other local bands and then Todd Joseph of Junior Achievement who played at a house party of mine back in '84 and put out a great lp that was rereleased not to long ago. So unlike you... yes, I would know.

No surprise to see YourProduct still sucking.

I will await your next dumbass comment.

Guest23
Guest23

Heh, you sure let my point fly completely over your head due to your prejudice because of your dislike/hatred/resentment regarding me.

Obviously I am speaking of justice not served and as admitted I used an extreme example to illustrate my frustration with the situation. It is a fantasy of yours that I look up to loughner in any way. My statements were off the cuff comments and obviously not meant as a call for people to actually go out and act whatsoever but I am sure you will try your best to paint them as such. But since you do not have access to my motivations or thoughts and I have clearly outlined my reasoning here, your refusal to listen is your own stubborn boneheadedness. I feel for those who have been hurt, killed or harmed by these politicians and unless something extraordinary happens my far fetched scenario could possibly be the only manner in which those I pointed out would receive retribution for the crimes they committed and in which in all likelyhood never will be brought to justice.

If you think that daydreaming about victims receiving justice for crimes committed against them that will probably never be addressed by idiots like you in law enforcement, the justice system or govt is insane, than obviously you are the one suffering and projecting your mental illness on me. You would think a cop would be interested in justice for those that arpaio has killed in his jails due to his policies and putting up with cops like you that are obviously prejudiced against gays, the mentally ill or probably anyone that doesn't fit into your idea of a good citizen including judging them based on their skin color, economic status, etc. Which is done by cops if the lawsuits that have been won against the mcso and arpaios jails are an inidcation of such.

I am starting to think you are a very repressed individual since you have some great need to interject sexual preference into our exchanges, as well as projecting mental illness that you are exhibiting signs of. You are quite transparent and your agenda of attempting to make me look bad at all costs isn't working out so well, just like it hasn't for pearce supporters and their shenanigans in the recall election. You taking cues from those nimrods now?

You are really reaching for some thing to use against me and the funny thing is if I was in your shoes, I could do a helluva a lot better than you in tearing me down, but unfortunately you are failing and just haven't been able to hit the mark, while I have blasted you on points you are too embarassed to even attempt to rebut. You are a sad man whose product still sucks.

Yourproductsucks
Yourproductsucks

Mental illness? Absolutely!

I never would have dreamed someone would bridge the gap between Jared Loughner and Superman, but you've gone and done it! I wonder if Loughner is looked at by other mentally deranged people as a superhero or if you are alone in your fantasy world.You wouldn't follow through on your fantacies because they are illegal and unconstitutional? Perhaps your lack of motivation should be hinged on those fantasies because they are sick and wrong instead.

Guest23
Guest23

Upset??? Hardly. The day I allow myself to get upset over some words posted on an Internet comment forum is a day when pigs fly and shit money out their asses in the process, iow's highly unlikely.

While you are quite the moron, you don't warrant such fantastical scenarios as I had dreamed up for the thomas's, aubuchons, arpaios, pearces, and brewers of the world, with caveats that such actions were not ok in real life since they are illegal and unconstitutional. And if there was the possibility of superman, spiderman and such, much like my fantastic dream scenario of justice there may be a few other conservatives and democrats as well that are responsible for ruining, killing and irrepairably harming peoples lives that may warrant such mental scenarios but as I explained in my response to you in the previous thread, this is not something I condone in real life as it is illegal and unconstitutional. The moral implications being is it ok to desire an eye for an eye, or if someone does something that causes harm or death to someone, do they deserve harm or death themselves? Which considering the flaws in our justice system I cannot condone the death penalty currently.

If anyone is interested in my comment that Yourproductsucks is referring to and my subsequent responses, it can be accessed here: http://blogs.phoenixnewtimes.c...

Yourproductsucks
Yourproductsucks

Are you upset that I pegged you for a lover of the cock? Do you dream of going all "Jared Loughner" on me too? Do you want someone to go "Jared Loughner" on all conservatives or just the ones you previously identified in your comments on the aubuchon thread?

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