Joe Arpaio's Geriatric Goon Squad in You Write the Caption

joegoonsquad.jpg
James King
Your caption here.
In honor of Maricopa County Sheriff Joe Arpaio's 20th "crime suppression" sweep, we've chosen the above photo of the sheriff's youthfully challenged goon squad we snapped yesterday as the sheriff announced his raid on southwest Phoenix.

To be fair, not all of the henchmen Arpaio picked for his sweep were of retirement age, but the crowd of beige-shirted bullies was slightly less impressive than we'd anticipated for a raid of such a heavily Hispanic area -- it seemed like a mishmash of the sheriff's silver-haired, Sun City posse-men and actual cops.

You Write the Caption's pretty self-explanatory. Here's how you play: we show you a picture, like the above photo of Arpaio's aging goon squad.

You -- in the comment section of this post -- then write what you think would be an appropriate caption for the photo.

On  Monday, we'll announce the top-five reader captions and put them to a vote. The winner will receive a pay-your-own-way trip to the historic New Times building, a firm handshake, and a lukewarm glass of municipal Phoenix tap water.

Do your worst, New Times readers -- and let's try to keep things somewhat polite (in other words, let's keep the death threats to a minimum).
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80 comments
Skanky
Skanky

"Ladies and gentlemen, I give you... your Arizona Cardinals!"

Bobby
Bobby

"Well boys, since the Obama adminstration has given thousands of guns to Mexican criminals, it's our job as Sheriffs to counteract the danger they have put our communities in." But Sheriff shouldn't we check with Raul Grijalva, naw, we did and he's quiet about it all.

Dee321
Dee321

"Where's my mask? I can't let anyone in the Congregation see it's me!"

Dee321
Dee321

Clem, in the back said, "Yeee Haaaawww! Let's get dem Meskins!"

Pancho Villa
Pancho Villa

I hear Steven Seagal was helping with the show Friday night.  I wonder how many dogs and chickens  he is killing this time.   Maybe he is eating what he kill because he's starting to look like a buda.

wherewasi
wherewasi

After passing by this parking lot, a road crew felt compelled to set up the traffic signs to read "Caution:  Zombies Ahead"

Gizzard
Gizzard

Ok you chubby old cherubs, we're gonna salute the Top Clown with our line dance rendition of Boogie Nights. Pull up your depends and do it!

StopTheHate
StopTheHate

Joe Arpaio reunites his former Nazi Waffen SS Brown Shirt Unit.  The group was very disappointed that they would not be allowed to hunt down Jews, so they decided to hunt Latinos instead.

Bobby
Bobby

Makes perfect sense to demented people.

Bobby
Bobby

" Sheriff Joe,You mean we are the only thing between the drug cartels and Arizona citizens", afraid so boys, the obama administration won't help us at all".

Guest23
Guest23

Yep, this is what all these geriatric wannabe cops want to believe. A better caption would be:

"Walter Mittys of the world stand united."

narizona
narizona

yall ready to whoop some beaners butt

Gerry_C
Gerry_C

Somebody mentioned massage parlor operations.  That brought a question to mind:  How is AARPaio going to bust the non-heterosexual illicit massage parlors, bath houses, etc. that are serving as houses of prostitution.  He fired one of his qualified undercover detectives and the other is on admin leave.

Gerry_C
Gerry_C

Joe Arpaio called on his "Spare Tire Posse" to conduct his latest illegal immigration raid, er wait, he meant employer sanctions operation.

AZGregory
AZGregory

"Yeah, I got my long johns on. This is the Cold Case Posse. Ain't it?"

AZGregory
AZGregory

"So Sherf, yer sayin we stop anyone who looks like a Messkin? You got that Vern?"

shadeaux14
shadeaux14

ALL RIGHT, LINE UP FOR SHORT-ARM INSPECTION with Capt Fox.

Mistalee
Mistalee

Sheriff Arpaio unveils his latest weapon in the war on immigrants, an army of Russell Pearce clones. Their pendulous guts are lethal in close quarters combat.

Not surprised
Not surprised

Someone should have yelled out "suck 'em in guys!"

Mistalee
Mistalee

"Whadda you mean, 'suck in my gut?' Dammit, I AM sucking in my gut!"

Lazik11
Lazik11

To celebrate Yom Kippur, MCSO schutzstaffel don their brown shirts while preparing for its version of Kristallnacht on the Hispanic community.

Justin Miller
Justin Miller

The hell with this. Let's go back to the station house, and cornhole us a drunk. 

Bobby
Bobby

Sheriff Joe Arpaio, "this ain't no stinkin badge amigo, it's what's going to stop you."

Msimon1001
Msimon1001

Hey there were more of us last time! Yeah the other guys are helping Pearce in Mesa! 

Bobby
Bobby

"Sheriff Joe Arpaio and his men, doing the job the government won't do to protect Americans"

Guest23
Guest23

Booby, seriously you are entering this drivel? Have you coralled a load of fellow nutcases from some far right web forum to stack the vote or something? They are looking for humorous/sarcastic captions rather than delusions from your arpaio love fantasy filled mind.

Bobby
Bobby

"Sheriff Joe Arpaio and his men, finally someone on the side of Americans"

Mistalee
Mistalee

The only thing on the side of these clowns is a colostomy bag.

Guest23
Guest23

Well.. obviously mike.portera didn't know or he made a sad attempt at sarcasm.

What use is your reply? A dying need to let everyone know where you stand on this irrelevant point? The banality of some peoples posts amazes me at times. I imagine if they were standing in front of me that I would grab them and attempt to shake some sense into them and ask if they ever considered thinking before opening their mouth or posting as the case is here?

Samtheman
Samtheman

 I imagine if they were standing in front of me that I would grab them and attempt to shake some sense into them and ask if they ever considered thinking before opening their mouth or posting as the case is here?   

Looks like we could say the same about you.

Guest23
Guest23

Heh, lame and unoriginal retorts like this are not going to get you far in life.

The comment was meant as a reply to propaganda_bot_'s "I know" comment made previously, just so you can now be aware of the context in which my reply was made. Hitting the wrong button took my smartphone away from this page and when I reloaded it the comment apparently was still in memory but show ed up in the top original comment area instead of in a reply, something my android tends to do and I didn't notice it. Otherwise, I did think about people who make comments like propaganda_bot's and thought if everyone did as he/she did, the comments section would be littered with "I know" and "Me too" statements, which is generally the reason they have a "Like" button to help dispense with such useless posts.

Billy Bud
Billy Bud

"Put your teeth in, mount up, let's roll!

Mike Portera
Mike Portera

I'd add my comment, but you never know when NEW TIMES may be subpoenaed again to turn over their online reader data

Samtheman
Samtheman

If you are looking to avoid retribution for your political ideals, or wish to bypass the controls of an oppressive government in your country, there are free proxy servers available around the Web. But the most reliable anonymity choice is a special two-part freeware solution by the EFF to protect the democratic freedoms of private citizens. When combined, these two items "scramble" and conceal your online identity as a free public service. This anonymity platform is made up of Tor and Privoxy:

Dumoudan
Dumoudan

Is this law Racist? Does it specify brown people?Are the people who agree with this law racist?Are those who want this law enforced racist?The law says nothing of little "brown" people but it explains what is illegal entry. It's not very hard to understand. Why is this law "broken"? Why can it be selectively ignored?Illegal alien includes all people who entered illegally, could be Croation, Russian, Chinese, Irish, Canadians and yes even Mexicans. No one single race or people is referenced in the law. Under Title 8 Section 1325 of the U.S. Code, "Improper Entry by Alien," any citizen of any country other than the United States who:Enters or attempts to enter the United States at any time or place other than as designated by immigration officers; or Eludes examination or inspection by immigration officers; or Attempts to enter or obtains entry to the United States by a willfully false or misleading representation or the willful concealment of a material fact; has committed a federal crime.Violations are punishable by criminal fines and imprisonment for up to six months. Repeat offenses can bring up to two years in prison. Additional civil fines may be imposed at the discretion of immigration judges, but civil fines do not negate the criminal sanctions or nature of the offense.These people cost Pheonix and surrounding cities hundreds of millions to support the education, health and welfare of these illegal immigrants. A landscape worker paid by cash (no taxes) and his wife (a stay at home mom), have been here for 16 years and had 7 children born in the US. Who do you think paid for her medical bills???

Lazik11
Lazik11

Everybody meet Mr. Buzz Killington.   My goodness Dumoudan, lighten up already. Sell the crazy somewhere else pal, we're all stocked up here. 

Tommy Collins
Tommy Collins

Quite a 'caption', jackwagon. Apparently you just post your mush without regard for the article, eh?

Mistalee
Mistalee

Yes. Dumboudan posts the same cut and paste crap all over the PNT, sometimes even in the food reviews.

Phil
Phil

Those with a walker or cane please lean on one of the strong ones next to you or we have braces to hold you; look tough and hold on for just a minute while we snap a quick PR photo...

Norm
Norm

We couldn't figure out which one was sheriff Joe either...

Painful Rectal Itch
Painful Rectal Itch

All right maggots, crank up your Beltones and repeat after me:

"This is my clipboard. Thare are many like it, but this one is mine. My clipboard is my best friend. It is my life. I must master it as I must master my life. Without me, my clipboard is useless. Without my clipboard, I am useless. I must write on my clipboard. I will. Before God I swear this creed: My clipboard and myself are the defenders of my country. We are masters of our enemy, those who mow our lawns and cook our food. We are the saviors of my life. So be it, until there are no more Mexicans, but peace. Amen.

FormerRepublican
FormerRepublican

You put your [right leg] in,You put your [right leg] out;You put your [right leg] in,And you shake it all about.You do the hokey pokey,And you turn yourself around.That's what it's all about!

FormerRepublican
FormerRepublican

Thank you so much for coming.  Now there are plenty of open seats at the Casino for some of my good friends.

FormerRepublican
FormerRepublican

Men, don't forget to check the expiration date on the BIRTH CERTIFICATES.  We had a tip that some are beyond the expiration dates.

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