Bruce Wardell's Mullet in You Write the Caption

wardell.jpg
MCSO
Your caption here.
The only reason we requested the arrest report for Bruce Nicholas Wardell was because we were so impressed/terrified by his epic mullet. What he allegedly did to get arrested is just as horrific as his frizzy "party in the back."

Wardell is accused of watching porn in front of his girlfriend's 6-year-old daughter. His girlfriend, Latease Coddington, who lived in Wardell's house, shot up some sort of injectable drug in front of the girl, according to police.

The two allegedly hid the girl in a tiny storage compartment hidden under a bed whenever Child Protective Services paid a visit to Wardell's house.

Read all about it here.

In honor of his alleged sleaziness -- .and his nauseating mullet -- Wardell is the subject of this week's New Times You Write the Caption contest.
You Write the Caption's pretty self-explanatory. Here's how you play: we show you a picture, like the above mugshot of Wardell -- and his mullet.

You -- in the comment section of this post -- then write what you think would be an appropriate caption for the photo.

On  Monday, we'll announce the top-five reader captions and put them to a vote. The winner will receive a pay-your-own-way trip to the historic New Times building, a firm handshake, and a lukewarm glass of municipal Phoenix tap water.

Do your worst, New Times readers -- and let's try to keep things somewhat polite.

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27 comments
ann
ann

FINALLY - It is a crime for an older man especially to sport a mullet.

Bobby
Bobby

Isn't the term "mullet" kind of passe?

Eleanor
Eleanor

If I turn this way I look like a poodle.  If I turn this way I look like a brillo pad.  What do you think?  I want to get the best look for the camera. 

Mistalee
Mistalee

David Spade really went to hell after starring in "Joe Dirt."

wherewasi
wherewasi

Eat your heart out Donald Trump!  You might have millions of dollars.  I have HAIR.

wherewasi
wherewasi

...and more than one of my relatives have died moments after yelling "hey, y'all!  Watch this!"

Andrew Thom Ass
Andrew Thom Ass

"If I trim Lisa Aubuchon's bush with a weed whacker, do I get credit for time served?"

Andrew Thom Ass
Andrew Thom Ass

"But officer, it was STRAIGHT PORN!!!  He wasn't goin' in her ASS or Nuthin'..."

Andrew Thom Ass
Andrew Thom Ass

Don't tell my heart...  My Achy Breaky Heart...  I just don't think it'd understand....

Billy Bud
Billy Bud

In anticipation of his DOC visit, Wardell is growing his reins for future riders.

MulletMarty
MulletMarty

"As evident in this recent photo, Randy Johnson has aged somewhat since his days as a dominant fast-baller for the Diamondbacks."

FranyTarkentonvillerill
FranyTarkentonvillerill

"Hey there is a White Snake/Poison reenactment concert today. Wanna go with me and  Latease? Ha ha I don't how to pronouce it either, but apparently its a very popular name in Africa and valley stip bars."

Lazik11
Lazik11

Things haven't gone so well after he lost his job as a George Armstong Custer re-enacter at the Battle of Litttle Big Horn State Park

Anon
Anon

He's so Arizona!

Stacy
Stacy

"Dang, I hope this doesn't take long.. Joe said he'd get me out quick.. in time for the Tea Party meeting"

shadeaux14
shadeaux14

Reality hits you hard bro..............with an ugly stick.

MulletMarty
MulletMarty

Yes, we all know you were in tent city. Yes we know you still hold a grudge. We get it.

Mindshiver
Mindshiver

ATA - you have a great sense of humor, but can you be less "graphic", especially about Aubuchon?  The sexual explicit posts don't necessarily make the best posts.  After a while, all of the butt f'ing and c'word stuff gets a little old.  Sounds like high school kids.

shadeaux14
shadeaux14

Best so far Marty. Even looks like him in the face.

Bobby
Bobby

"Please Mr. Custer, I don't wanna go, nooooohhh........ "

Bobby
Bobby

Only a frightened demented leftist, or frightened illegal alien or sympathizer thereof, would smear the Tea Party--a true grassroots movement for CHANGE, unlike President Obama's phony campaign. He's so deep in Wall Streets pockets, and the military industrial complex, it's a joke.

Hogtied
Hogtied

I dunno...  Thaz some pretty funny shit rite thare

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