American Mustache Institute Accepting Nominations for Robert Goulet Memorial Mustached American of the Year; Group's Chairman Vows to Fight Discrimination of People of "Mustached Descent"

Categories: Mustaches
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Get out the wax and those tiny combs -- the American Mustache Institute announced this week that it's begun accepting nominations for the most coveted award in the mustached community: The Robert Goulet Memorial Mustached American of the Year.

Last year's winner was injured Arizona Diamondbacks relief pitcher Clay Zavada, who became only the second person ever to win the coveted award.

"The award isn't for the mustache itself," the group's chairman, Dr. Aaron Perlut tells New Times. "It's about how that mustached American represents the values of mustached-American heritage."


The award's first winner was retired New York City police detective Tim Galvin, who had received three medals of valor and retired as a captain after being shot twice -- in the face and leg -- while working undercover. His stache, apparently, was unharmed.

Below is how the AMI describes the award:

The "Goulet" is an award for the everyman: the teacher, the community leader, the celebrity, the dwarf, the politician, the psychotic Florida minister. It recognizes the person who has best represented or contributed to the Mustached American community during the past year.

The group was founded in 1965 by Dr. Schnurbart Snor. Perlut, says it's still relevant.

"This country has a deep history of discrimination against people with mustached American heritage," he says. "People think having a mustache is a choice, and it's not -- it's a lifestyle, it's a personality."

Just thought we'd point out that while we could barely contain our laughter during our discussion, Perlut, who claims to have a Ph.D. in "nuclear mustachology," was completely serious the entire time.

If you, or someone you know, wants to join the AMI, call (877) S-T-A-C-H-E-1. Even if you don't want to join, it's worth calling. The organization's automated answering system has some interesting information, such as a description of the group as "the ACLU for the downtrodden, mustached-American people," and useful tips to combat "bare upper-lip disorder."

You can also submit your nominee for the Goulet Award by clicking here.

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3 comments
Anon
Anon

James King, You have an obsession with mug shots. Why aren't you showing the mug shot line-up of the three MCAO under investigation. Thomas, Aubuchon, Alexander. THEY wouldn't miss an opportunity to use "their creative" ways to get their "guilty by media" -- now it's their turn. Will be looking for you to pull that together, then it will seem a little bit more fair and balanced....

Hayride_to_hell
Hayride_to_hell

JFC. Is the B-Team in for proofreading for the weekend? You should at least get the spelling right on the headlines.

Anon
Anon

...oops "the Troika" -- like used for the Kingman escapees...

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