Phoenix New Times Seeks Critic for Weekly Reviews of the Meth Scene

Categories: Help Wanted
Montana Meth Project
Don't worry, she's not a meth addict, she just plays one in Andy Thomas' ad campaign -- we want the real deal.
Phoenix New Times is asking local meth-heads to put those euphoric buzzes or even shattered dreams to use by applying to write a new weekly column called, "You Do the Meth."

New Times' sister paper in Denver, Westword, announced last week that it's taking applications for a marijuana critic to review different types of weed and the ambiance of local marijuana parlors.

We figure we ought to up the ante and do the same regarding the Valley's drug of choice.

That is, Denver's got weed, Phoenix has meth. Indeed, according to the National Survey on Drug Use and Health, Arizona ranks eighth in the nation when it comes to the percentage of the population using meth.

It turns out that 1.22 percent of the Grand Canyon State's 6.5 million people use meth, and New Times seeks a critic who can give meth-using citizens -- even if they happen to be sleeping at a bus stop -- information needed to find the best meth possible 

The column will focus on a few things: Quality of the drug, of course, but also the safety of users. We want to know where to find quality meth that won't kill you right away.

We also want to know about preferred physical delivery methods. We want our critic to compare and contrast the advantages of injecting as opposed to snorting or smoking.

Another key task for our critic will be finding good places for connoisseurs to enjoy their meth in the Phoenix metropolitan area. We aren't as fortunate as the tie-dyed hippies in Denver, who have comfortable parlors where their drug can be enjoyed. So if there's a preferred alley, dumpster, or friend's garage that's perfect for geeking out for several hours, we want to know about it.

Tales of adventure and triumph while cranked are especially desired.

We're not out to glamorize meth use or addiction, only to face facts and inform. County Attorney Andrew Thomas, whose office has run TV ads on meth, can attest to the massive number of users of the drug in the Phoenix area. We want our critic to tell the tragic stories in balance with the toothless humor of crank.

The position is freelance (sorry folks, to avoid having our office equiptment pinched and pawned, we can't have a meth-head actually on staff). Compensation for the position is competitive with the rest of the newspaper industry.

Anyone interested in becoming the world's first crank critic is encouraged to send writing samples, stories, and photos to   

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