Sayonara to Copper Square?

By Sarah Fenske Wed., Jun. 18 2008 at 1:41 PM

Categories: News

By Sarah Fenske

We at New Times have never been the biggest fans of the lame moniker for downtown Phoenix pushed by the Downtown Phoenix Partnership. When we hear "Copper Square", we think "lame suburban shopping mall," "focus group," or "Jerrry Colangelo", not "vibrant downtown." Not that we have a vibrant downtown, or anything.

So we were at first delighted to read that the Partnership may be finally axing the Copper Square name. But then, almost immediately, came a worrying follow-up thought: What if they replace it with something even more lame? We weren't exactly reassured when we heard that the branding will focus on Phoenix as "Arizona's cosmopolitan heart."

Have these people ever been downtown after 5:30 p.m.?!

Suffice to say, we'd love to save the Partnership from itself. Give us your best ideas for a new name for downtown Phoenix--and we'll make sure our favorite corporate titans see them.

That doesn't mean they'll necessarily listen to us, of course. But we'll get your ideas out there. And we're pretty sure you can do better than the whole cosmopolitan-heart thingee. Right?

Tags:

Copper Square, downtown Phoenix, Downtown Phoenix Partnership, silly marketing campaigns

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Emil, I think you are on to something. HIP2BSquare!
You have to admire the unbounded optimism of ad-men and their pointy-haired bosses. They think the problem isn't downtown itself -- urban blight resulting from decades of unchecked residential and business flight to the suburbs -- but what you call it. The problem can thus be fixed, magically and overnight, by changing the name. But in this busy modern age of text-messaging and Internet chat-rooms we need something short, snappy, and memorable. Copper Square ? That's thirteen keystrokes, fer crissake. If we adopt the periodic table of elements abbreviation for copper (Cu), and "square" it, we get CuCu. Perfect -- except it should be all-caps, since using the shift-key is such a hassle. "I'm cuckoo for CUCU" is just short enough to fit on a t-shirt. "We're not Copper Square anymore. Now we're just CUCU" is perfect for the new promotional brochures. Of course, if you want to suggest a city that actually has a functioning downtown, such as Chicago (Chi), you could modify the abbreviation accordingly, thus leading to exciting new motto possibilities. "Downtown Phoenix. We've got your CUCHI." Or perhaps you want something which embodies the hip Phoenix After Dark scene. You know: the one where yuppies, behind the locked steel doors of overpriced loft condominiums converted from affordable housing hotels and abandoned Burlington Coat Factory warehouses, peer down in horrified fascination at the alcoholic transients wandering the streets and randomly relieving themselves. This addition of youthful spirit to traditional downtown elements could then be represented by adding, to copper, vital elements such as iodine (I) and phosphorus (P), thus yielding the Internet-style homophone ICUP. Possible ICUP Square mottos: "Slumming -- it's not just an adventure, it's a lifestyle." "ICUP Square -- because you don't have to settle for a weekend in TJ." Or, we could head in another direction entirely. How about: It's-Hip-To-Be Square. Or, in line with this "heart" thing, what about Telltale Heart Square. This would be consistent with the ever more touristy decor. "It grew louder --louder --louder! And still the men chatted pleasantly, and smiled."
WALLACE & LADMO LAND!!!! YEEEAAAHHH!!! I say rename the whole valley after these guys. No more city names, just Wallace and Ladmo Land. WOOO HOOO !!
Dare anyone disagree with this? Wallace & Ladmo Land
Downtown
Swilling's Folly (after the original founder of Phoenix), Hell's Kitchen (in honor of the heat island effect), The Mirage (it only looks like a real downtown), The Bird (after the mythical Phoenix bird), Jerry's Playground (to honor JC), Jerry’s Goldmine (see above), Stolen Land (in honor of the real Native Arizonans)
Michael Lacey's Nigga Memorial Plaza in Honor of Michael Lacey's Nigga of course
Michael Lacey's Nigga Memorial Plaza in Honor of Michael Lacey's Nigga of course
"Glitterless Gulch"
"Gliterless Gulch"
I suggest Trompe L'oeil, a French term describing an artful trick in which something two-dimensional is made to appear substantial. And as everyone knows, saying something in French adds a touch of je ne sais quoi.