Arizona Diamondbacks Take Two of Three from Miami Marlins

Categories: Sports

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Arizona Diamondbacks starting pitcher Trevor Cahill exited Wednesday afternoon's 3-1 win against the Miami Marlins early after suffering a right hip contusion in the first inning. No problem. Reliever Josh Collmenter entered the game in the second inning and proceeded to shut down the light-hitting Marlins for six innings, striking out seven and giving only a hit and a walk.

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Dale Hausner, Serial Shooter, Dies in Prison at Age 40 From "Unknown Causes"

Categories: See Ya
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ADC
Dale Hausner
Dale Hausner, one of the two serial shooters who combined to kill six people in the Valley between 2005 and 2006, died today at age 40 from "unknown causes."

An Arizona Department of Corrections spokesman says Hausner was found unresponsive in his cell at the state prison complex in Florence just after noon today, and after being taken to a hospital, was pronounced dead at 1:15 p.m.

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Drunk Guy Claims to Be "Baddest Motherf***er Alive," Says He'll Rape Cops' Families

Categories: Douchebags
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MCSO
Jonathan Mattox, after a 2011 arrest.
Jonathan Mattox, a 30-year-old Phoenix resident, claims to be the "baddest motherfucker alive."

At least that's what he told the cops after security guards at Talking Stick Resort's casino prevented him from driving away from the casino plastered, according to court documents obtained by New Times.

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Goldschmidt's Walk-Off Homer Saves Arizona Diamondbacks Again in Win Over Miami Marlins

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Paul Goldschmidt hit a walk-off solo home run to end the Diamondbacks' four-game losing streak in Tuesday night's 3-2 victory against the Miami Marlins.

With the score tied 2-2 in the bottom of the ninth and former D-back Chad Qualls on the mound, Goldschmidt smashed a bomb to center, which just missed hitting Chase Field's enormous scoreboard.

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Fox News Seems to Think Arizona Looks a Lot Like Arkansas

Categories: Moment of Zen
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via archive.org
One of several times this graphic was displayed.
If you're a Fox News viewer, you may have noticed that the Supreme Court apparently ruled against a voter ID law in Arkizonasas earlier this week.

A few people who have seen a map of the United States before noticed that Fox ran a graphic of "AZ" during a segment on Arizona, although that graphic labeled "AZ" is the state of Arkansas.

See also:
-Fox News Just Showed a Man Shoot Himself in the Head on Live TV
-Supreme Court Strikes Down Proof-of-Citizenship Provision

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Doce Fire Near Prescott Has Burned 7,000 Acres

Categories: News
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via @ArtWelder
The fire, as seen from Prescott.


A fire that started yesterday just outside of Prescott has now burned about 7,000 acres, and has caused evacuations in the area.

According to officials from the Prescott National Forest, the fire is human-caused.

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Want to Blow Joe Arpaio's Head Off? You'll Get Arrested for Saying That

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Sheriff Joe Arpaio
Deputies from the Maricopa County Sheriff's Office are taking a vacation tracking down a wanted man in Southern California this week, after yet another non-credible "death threat" was directed at Sheriff Joe Arpaio.

It appears that saying you "want" to blow Arpaio's head off is the same thing as threatening to do so, at least in the eyes of the MCSO.

See also:
-Deputies Catch Man Saying Mean Things on Anti-Joe Facebook Page
-Arpaio Takes Full Advantage of Scary Box in Mail
-Arpaio Thinks Tennessean Might Be After Him
-The Plot To Assassinate Arpaio

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25 Dumbest Things Jeff Flake's Son Said on YouTube

Categories: List This
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YouTube
Jeff Flake's son, pretending to commit suicide.
Senator Jeff Flake's son calling himself "N1ggerKiller" in an online game was just the tip of the iceberg.

Going through Tanner Flake's entire comment history on YouTube, we see that the senator's teenage son is familiar with just about every epithet and slur out there. And, after going through this comment history, we've compiled a list of what are most likely the 25 dumbest things the kid said on YouTube.

See also:
-Flake's Son Pretends to Commit Suicide in Video
-Flake's Son Calls Himself "N1ggerKiller"

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Is Fox News Responsible for Kids Seeing Their Dad's Suicide?

Categories: Morning Poll
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Seconds before JoDon Romero committed suicide.
The national media (and rest of the local media) have finally discovered the lawsuit we wrote about last week, resulting from Fox News airing a man's suicide on live television last year.

According to the lawsuit filed in Maricopa County, two of JoDon Romero's kids heard at school about a suicide being shown on TV, then went home and watched the clip on YouTube -- and realized it was their father who gave up running from police, and put a gun to his head and pulled the trigger.

See also:
-Fox News Sued After Kids Watch Their Dad Commit Suicide
-Jodon Romero Was Out of Prison for Almost Four Whole Months
-Fox News Just Showed a Man Shoot Himself in the Head on Live TV


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Trent Franks' Abortion Bill Passes House, Which Doesn't Really Matter

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Congressman Trent Franks
Anti-abortion fanatic/Congressman Trent Franks' bill to create a ban on abortions 20 weeks after conception has passed the House of Representatives.

That's not to say it's any closer to becoming a law, because it's really not.

See also:
-Abortion Bill Now Includes Rape Exception
-Franks: Not Many Rapes Result in Pregnancy
-Franks Submits Another Abortion Bill
-Franks on Gun Control: Abortion Is Bad
-Trent Franks' Abortion Obsession Goes International
-Trent Franks: Blacks Better Off Under Slavery Than With Abortion

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Daniel Kloberdanz Claims Maricopa Deputy Joseph Pellino Beat Him Severely During Arrest Because He's a Lawyer; Seeks $12M in Lawsuit

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Image: www.arrestfiles.org
Daniel Kloberdanz's mug shot from his June 15, 2012, arrest on suspicion of hindering an investigation. He claims in a lawsuit that he was beaten severely by a deputy during the arrest.
Real estate lawyer Daniel Kloberdanz isn't a criminal defense expert, but figured he could help an employee who'd called him as she was being investigated for a DUI.

Not long after arriving at the accident scene at Lone Mountain Road and 60th Street in Cave Creek last year, Kloberdanz claims, the lawyer found himself being pummeled by a deputy and accused of a crime that could cost him his career.

Kloberdanz lays out his story in a lawsuit filed on June 12 in Maricopa County Superior Court, which was preceded by a December 2012 claim letter against the county offering to settle the matter for a cool $12,125,000.

See also: Deputy Steve Carpenter Resigns in Fallout Over Tim Abrahamson North Dakota Assault Case; UPDATED w/MCSO Response

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The Rise of South Phoenix, Team Awesome Continue Growing Next Generation of Activists

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The Rise of South Phoenix and Team Awesome, two groups that have built a reputation of mobilizing their friends, family, and neighbors during local, state, and federal elections, are empowering the community beyond the ballot box.

They continuing hosting neighborhood clean-ups, organizing food drives, and urging more civic engagement.

On Saturday, The Rise of South Phoenix -- a group of community activists -- joined with their west Phoenix counterparts (Team Awesome) to host a workshop that gathered volunteer attorneys to help undocumented youth fill out their applications for the Deferred Action for Childhood Arrivals program (DACA).


See also:
-South Phoenix Community Leaders Reach Out for More Volunteers
-How Undocumented Immigrants Helped Change Phoenix's City Council Race
-SB 1070 Fuels a Movement of New Voters

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ASU Drops the Hammer on Sigma Alpha Epsilon Fraternity

Categories: Higher Learning
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brobible.com
The Sigma Alpha Epsilon fraternity at Arizona State University is beyond the point of being put on double secret probation.

An ASU spokeswoman says the fraternity -- which has been involved in a pair of high-profile, alcohol-related incidents over the past year -- has had its status as a recognized fraternity chapter at the university revoked.

See also:
-ASU Frat Boy Dumped at Hospital With .47 BAC
-Body Found Near Tempe Marketplace Identified as ASU Freshman Jack Culolias

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Giancarlo Stanton Out-Slugs Paul Goldschmidt; Miami Marlins Beat Diamondbacks 3-2

Categories: Diamondbacks
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The Arizona Diamondbacks ran into the Miami Marlins at the wrong time for this week's series, as the Stanton formerly known as Mike is fresh off the disabled list and already is on a tear.

Giancarlo Stanton homered twice for the Marlins Monday night, including a solo homer in the ninth inning off D-backs reliever Heath Bell, which proved to be the game-winner in the 3-2 Marlins victory.

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Michael Turley, Who Dressed Up Nephew as Terrorist to "Test" Phoenix Cops, Found Guilty

Categories: Convicted
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One of the worst decisions in recent history.
A jury found Michael Turley guilty of charges Monday related to making a movie that was produced to "test" the Phoenix Police Department's response to a terrorist situation.

Turley was arrested in September after it was discovered that he had his teenage nephew wear a sheet on his body and a towel on his head, then run around a Phoenix intersection with a fake rocket-propelled grenade launcher, to see how long it took for the PPD to show up.

See also:
Michael Turley Put His Own Nephew Up to the Task of Pretending to Be a Terrorist


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Joe Arpaio's Gross Arm Sling for Sale on eBay

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Sheriff Joe Arpaio
Some disgusting human beings are bidding on a piece of used medical equipment that's covered in elderly Sheriff Joe Arpaio's dead skin cells.

The eBay ad, which doesn't include Arpaio's jock strap as a free bonus, alleges that the money is going toward MCSO's MASH unit for abused animals.

See also:
Joe Arpaio, 80-Year-Old Sheriff, Broke His Arm After Tripping and Falling


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Larry Klayman Under Investigation by Arizona Bar

Categories: Birthers (sigh)
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Notorious "birther" attorney Larry Klayman is being investigated by the State Bar.

Although Arizona State Bar spokesman Rick DeBruhl confirms to New Times that the investigation exists, he says there are no public documents associated with the case at this time.

See also:
-Larry Klayman Sues New Times, Is Really Weird
-Judge: Klayman "Inappropriately Touched" Kids
-David Burnell Smith Teams Up With Larry Klayman in Fight of Arpaio Recall
-Klayman Asks If Joe Arpaio Recall Chairman Is a "Homo" Who "Want[s] My Nuts"

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Marijuana or Gay Marriage: Which Is More Likely to Be Legalized in Arizona?

Categories: Morning Poll
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Gay marriage and legal marijuana possession are two things that probably haven't stood a chance in hell against Arizona voters over the last few years, but two groups are thinking now's the time for their issues.

Last week, a group calling itself "Safer Arizona" filed its paperwork for a marijuana-legalizing amendment to the Arizona Constitution, and now, there's a group called "Equal Marriage Arizona" that wants marriage to be defined as a union of two people.

See also:
-Gay Marriage Group Trying to Get "Equal Marriage" on Ballots
-Marijuana Legalization Campaign Trying to Get Issue on Ballots

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Woman's Naked Body Dumped in Tempe Neighborhood

Categories: News

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Tempe police department
Early this morning, someone dumped a naked and beaten body in a quiet Tempe neighborhood and vanished.

Police received a call about 4:30 a.m., saying a woman was lying in the street near Baseline Road and McClintock Drive. When they arrived, they found the beaten body of a Hispanic or Native American woman in her early 20s.

See also:

Tempe Police Trying to Identify Body Found in Canal

Phoenix Man's Body Found Face-Down, With Hands and Feet Tied, on Roadway Near PIR

More »

MGA Healthcare Founder Marc Wichansky Says in Lawsuit That Partner David Zowine Beat Him Up and Stole His Company

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Image: LinkedIn
Marc Wichansky, founder of a Phoenix-based healthcare staffing and home care company, claims in a lawsuit that his former partner, David Zowine, beat him up and stole his company.
Marc Wichansky, the founder of a Phoenix-based healthcare staffing and home care firm, alleges in a federal lawsuit that his former partner beat him up and stole his company.

Wichansky founded the company in 1994 and eventually took on as partner his friend, David Zowine. They created the Zoel Holding Company to manage MGA Healthcare Staffing, MGA Employee Services, Home Healthcare and other firms. The company grew into a multi-million-dollar firm employing hundreds of people.

But the partnership took a bad turn in 2010, resulting in this new lawsuit that at times reads less like civil litigation between corporate executives and more like an episode of "Cops." (See below for full lawsuit.)

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