Rob Zombie's Twisted Haunted House Coming to Scottsdale

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Rob Zombie
Rob Zombie brings the terror to Scottsdale this Halloween season

Last year when heavy metal musician and horror icon Rob Zombie's Great American Nightmare debuted in LA, I was pretty close to heading out there over Halloween to check out what The New York Times called "the best example yet of the upsizing of haunted houses in the last decade."

Imagine: the theatrics and entertainment of Zombie's live show -- a hodgepodge of vintage horror film clips, haunting makeup and costumes, stimulating pyro and lighting. Combine that with a classic freak show, musical entertainment, themed food and beverages, vendors, games, roaming characters, and three different fully interactive attractions based on three of Zombie's own horror films, and you have Great American Nightmare.

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Four Simple Ways to Get People to Stop Using Phones at Concerts

Categories: Comedy

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(via Stereogum)

I'm still stuck in 2008, being one of the few freaks without a smartphone, so I don't really "get it." All I need this chunk of plastic to do is occasionally make phone calls or send text messages.

For me, constantly being connected to the Internet would be a living nightmare. It takes enough of a toll on my mental health as it is. Besides, I have an excellent sense of direction, so I don't need GPS. So what else is a smartphone useful for? Shitty video games about birds? Squinting at YouTube videos on the light rail? Getting lo-res porn from your friends on SnapChat? Wow, how am I possibly living without a smartphone? (Yet, that's still a question I receive often.)

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Why Jimmy Buffett Isn't Completely Worthless

Categories: Comedy

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Violeta Alvarez
Jimmy Buffett just migh have some redeeming values.

Chances are you've found yourself, at one point or another, on the periphery of Jimmy Buffett culture.

See Also: Hey, Phoenix -- You Need To Start Dancing At Concerts

Perhaps you have a regrettable and somewhat unsettling aunt who prides herself on being a "Parrot-head," who comes to family reunions in a busy Hawaiian shirt and more than a little bargain rum, trying to get you, or anyone else within earshot, to do that cringe-inducing "Salt! Salt!" thing. "Yes, she's fun," your mother warns you, "but I don't want you winding up like that." Perhaps you have a friend who owns Jimmy Buffett's greatest hits, Songs You Know By Heart (the one with the Hulk Hogan-esque front cover -- you've at least seen it on sale at Wal-Mart for $5.99) and insists on playing it at every summer party. Perhaps you've decided -- and rightfully so! -- that Jimmy Buffet is maybe just the absolute worst, and that you hate him, and never need to hear another song of his again. But here's the rub: we need Jimmy Buffet. Now more than ever.


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Hey, Phoenix -- You Need To Start Dancing At Concerts

Categories: Comedy

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Jack Delano, via Wikipedia Commons
Take a class if you have to, Phoenix. Just start dancing at shows.

On a recent trip to Denver (to totally get stoned LOLJK), I found myself in some giant cathedral that was converted into a five-story dance club. Each level had a different DJ and mood, but the bottom had this chill guy and his girlfriend who, before starting a DJ set, taught the entire audience some basic samba moves. I was far too cross-faded to keep up, so I shuffled along aimlessly for a minute like a moron, but I was deeply grateful to learn a little more about rhythm and movement, i.e. dancing.

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Finally, a Christmas Sweater That Says "Kill Your Mother Rape Your Dog" on It

Heavy metal Christmas sweaters
RTD Photography
Metal meets Santa (again and again and again).
Any true heavy metal fan can attest to the fact that the worlds of fashion and heavy metal should never go hand-in-hand -- but this day and age, selling out and heading mainstream is only becoming more prevalent.

So years back, when a handful of heavy metal bands began releasing Christmas sweaters, it didn't bother me too much. I mean, what family gathering couldn't benefit from a holiday outfit bedecked in inverted crosses and skulls?

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Anchorman's Ron Burgundy Tries Heavy Metal, Hatebreed on for Size

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Hatebreed
Whenever my brothers and I are together, it's pretty difficult for anyone to understand our conversation unless they have a strong knowledge of Dumb & Dumber, Ace Ventura, or Anchorman quotes. And when I heard there was going to be an Anchorman: The Legend Continues film, I had my hopes set high.

And when heavy metal is combined with either movies or sports, it's always a win. So when I heard that Anchorman's "Ron Burgundy" (a.k.a. Will Ferrell) made an appearance on The Dan Patrick Show, a sports talk radio show with a host that has a solid appreciation for heavy metal, I was pretty stoked.

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Heavy Metal Superfans Produce an Animated History of Corpse Face-Paint

Heavy Metal facepaint
An animated history of heavy metal face-paint, featuring Alice Cooper.
Smeared black-and-white corpse face-paint (with a little red blood spatter thrown in for good measure) is synonymous with extreme metal.

Whether it's to enhance a demonic theme or carry on cultural tradition, musicians that utilize the medium are definitely projecting a bold message. (For me, it often points to the fact that the musician is a black metal prima donna.)

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The Best Food Trucks and Food Porn for Metal Fans

grill em all
Everything eventually turns into porn. Guitar porn--Rob Zombie guitarist John 5 is all about it--whiskey porn... well, regular porn. But recently, food porn has blown up. Which is great for me.

You see, there are only a few things that I take voracious pleasure in consuming, and two of those indulgences are heavy metal and cooking. Combine them, and I'm set for life.
Last week a friend of mine sent me a video called "Cooking With Phil Anselmo." You've probably never wondered what it would be like cooking in a kitchen with the Pantera/Down/Superjoint Ritual, etc. front man, but this viral video answers all of your questions.

The animated video has Anselmo wearing a "Cooking Hostile" black t-shirt, and concocting dishes with such references as "soy sauce from hell," "five minutes on looooow," and the "art of shredding lettuce." It's full of hilarious Pantera references, and was put together by Joey Siler of Pantera tribute band Good Friends & A Bottle of Whiskey.


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A Metalhead at Bonnaroo: Four Hippie Myths Debunked

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tricylce.com
Bonnaroo
Shortly after writing Are Out of Town Music Festivals Worth The Hassle? I decided to embark on a cross-cultural adventure. The mission? To explore the Nashville music scene and attempt survival at the 80,000-person music festival Bonnaroo.

Four days of camping in the heat (actually, we slept in the trunk of our SUV) surrounded by dirty hippies tripping on everything from moonshine to bath salts, all contained on a 700-acre farm with carnival rides, raves, seven-plus stages, and security guards who actually help you sneak in everything from umbrellas (potential weapon) to booze? I did a pretty good job of convincing myself that I could handle it. I felt as if I would be behind hippie enemy lines, giving myself a chance to turn a couple of people to the dark side (since I missed my window with Taylor Swift when she was in town).


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Ke$ha's Heavy Metal Persona Might Make You a Satanist

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Jim Louvau (View more photos here.)
Much to the enthusiasm of my pop-loving girlfriends, I agreed to go to Wednesday's Ke$ha show at Ak-Chin Pavilion. The tickets were free, and we had a car with a driver, so I figured I could at least drink enough whiskey to dull the shame brought on by my seething metalhead soul.

Instead, I was pleasantly surprised by Ke$ha's own apparent metalhead-ness. And a little turned on, admittedly, by a video clip of a scantily clad Ke$ha rolling around in piles of vinyl records and stretching out on a Harley.

What I expected was a writhing sea of whored-out tweens and vibrant cross-dressers putting out a really obnoxious vibe. Maybe it was the whiskey -- or the cheap perfume-spiked confetti that constantly showered around us -- that muddled my mind, but what I came to realize instead was that Ke$ha is far more rocker than pop star.

Read More:
- Six Potentially True Rumors I've Heard about Ke$ha
- "Ke$ha Interview: Give Haters The Finger and Do Whatever You Want to Do"
- Ke$ha and Pitbull at Ak-Chin Pavilion: Photos and Video


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