The Terrible Things Your Christmas Music Is Saying About You

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Get out.
Look, I should probably start with myself. The only Christmas music I listen to every year comes on Bing Crosby's White Christmas, featuring the Andrews Sisters and Carol Richards. From that an FBI profiler would be able to judge that I'm a white male, late 20s-early 30s, with a large collection of screwball comedy DVDs, at least one biography of Frank Capra, and a latent desire to be Chevy Chase in a Vacation movie, ideally not European or Vegas.

Your Christmas music diet is no less revealing. What follows is a kind of Christmas horoscope, with all due apologies to people whose particular tastes have been elided.

Pop stars: I'm not entirely sure you exist anymore.

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Alice Cooper: Our Christmas Is More Ozzie Nelson Than Ozzy Osbourne

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Solid Rock
Alice Cooper wishes you a very metal Christmas.
From blasting "Schools Out" during my teenage wasteland days to jamming out to the chugging guitar in "Under My Wheels" in my office, Alice Cooper has always played a prominent position in my heavy metal playlist.

Not only did he help shape the sound and look of heavy metal with his horror and vaudeville imagery as rock and roll's first villain. By the time Cooper was 18, it was the sexual revolution and Vietnam, and the band's best friends were The Mothers of Invention, The Doors and Jimi Hendrix.

He toured with Pink Floyd and once awoke to find Syd Barrett staring at a box of corn flakes like he was watching television, laughing, to which the shock-rocker comments: "He was a paranoid schizophrenic. Add acid to the mix and you get a much deeper problem."


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Emby Alexander Wishes You A Blue Christmas (And Doesn't Want To Fight Tonight)

Categories: Christmas Music

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There are only five shopping days left of Christmas...are you sick of hearing dogs "sing" "Jingle Bells" yet? At least the Sprint commercial with animals singing "Deck the Halls" is pretty cute.

Fortunately, Emby Alexander breaks out of the obnoxious Christmas cover routine by putting its own spin on a Christmas classic and a tune that should be played as much as "Feliz Navidad." Listen to the songs and find out what singer Michael Alexander has to say about the holidays after the jump.

See also:

-Clay Aiken on Christmas, American Idol, and Donald Trump
-Zero Zero Wishes You A Merry Christmas
-Being Cool is Lonely Wishes You A Happy Xmas


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Clay Aiken on Christmas, American Idol, and Donald Trump

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Clay Aiken is scheduled to perform at Wild Horse Pass in Chandler, on Thursday, December 20.
At one point during our early morning interview, singer and performer Clay Aiken yawned.

It was a deep, expressive yawn. He did not ask to be excused, but he didn't need to: Aiken is among the most affable, pleasant, and charming interviews I've ever enjoyed. Plus, the guy has every reason to be worn out. The former "American Idol" has been making his way across the nation on his "Joyful Noise 2012" tour, belting out selections and standards from his Christmas recordings, Merry Christmas with Love and All Is Well: Songs for Christmas. It's a lot of work, and Aiken notes: "This is my fifth year doing it, and if we count all the times that I've done this show you're up into the hundreds, you know?"

With his upcoming tour stop at Wild Horse Pass in Chandler approaching, Aiken took some time to discuss Christmas music, 30 Rock, Donald Trump (Aiken competed on Celebrity Apprentice this year), and the season a "big black guy from Alabama and a skinny gay weirdo from North Carolina" wooed America on American Idol.

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Zero Zero Wishes You A Merry Christmas

Categories: Christmas Music

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Christmas can be stressful for some--just look at all of the fights that break out on Black Friday. The holiday shouldn't be ugly, it should be a time to celebrate with your closest friends and family.

Zero Zero doesn't have this problem, in fact, members of the electro-fuzz group look forward to the holiday every year.

"It's just a really chill, cozy kind of time around our place when everything looks and smells and sounds better," says singer/keyboardist Nicole Laurenne.

The band channeled their love of Christmas into a brand new original song, "I Know What I Want 4 Christmas." Give it a listen and find out more about it after the jump.


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Zero Zero

Being Cool is Lonely Wishes You A Happy Xmas

Categories: Christmas Music

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The United States was was knee deep in the Vietnam conflict when John Lennon and Yoko Ono penned the words to the 1971 single, "Happy Xmas (War Is Over)."

But while it's been more than 30 years since the infamous twosome led the cries for an end to violence and suffering around the world, Phoenix's own duo, Being Cool is Lonely, say the song is more relevant than ever.

See also:

Being Cool Is Lonely Talks Love, Old-School Electronica, and Andy Rourke of the Smiths' Welcome Intrusion
William Reed Ends Sticky Fingers Dance Party Tomorrow Night and Blaque Panther Disco
First Look: Reincarnation by Phoenix Designer Tiffe Fermaint


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Three Creepy Christmas Carolers

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You've got to admit, Up on the Sun has been doing a pretty kick ass job of making the holiday music season, dare we say it, bearable.

From posts that include the Christmas Songs That Don't Suck series, to "Un-Christmas" and Metal songs for Christmas lists, we've pretty much got you covered. We've undoubtedly made department store shopping that much easier by giving you songs to fill your iPod's with, but there's one more element of Christmas cheer we haven't prepared you for ... until now. Beware the creepy Christmas caroler that lurks behind saguaros and pine trees alike.

While we can't exactly protect you from these creatures of the night that come rapping at your door to sing supposed "happy" songs, we can at least warn you about the more dangerous perpetrators.

Lock the doors and follow the jump for our list of this year's creepy Christmas carolers.

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Christmas Songs That Don't Suck: Part IV

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​Folks, it's just a few days more until that jolly old elf slides down your chimneys, so we at Up On the Sun have been loading you up with a ton o' tunes to get you through the season. For instance: Are you in a grinchy mood? Check out our recent run-through of eight classic un-Christmas songs.

But if you're feeling the season, there are options. Sure, you could track down winking, knowing, tongue-in-cheek versions of classics, but y'know, when it comes to Christmas music, irony has no place. What every good Christmas tune needs is a good bit of nostalgia, but it needs sincerity and comfort, like a sweater or pair of socks your grandmother gifts you. It's better to err on the side of corny.

We're here to guide you in the right direction. If you're tired of the tyranny of the usual, delve into past installments of our Christmas Songs that Don't Suck (Part I, Part II, Part III). Or just scroll on down for the jumbo-sized fourth and final entry, starting off with some international music. Merry Christmas, Phoenix!

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Bah, Humbug: Eight Un-Christmas Songs


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No one loves Christmas more than Juggalos.

Maybe I'm still bummed that Santa won't pay my bills or leave fancy camera equipment under my tree, but Christmas is lame. The holiday makes people mean and greedy -- it must have something to do with all that obnoxious music and eggnog, which is only sort of bearable with rum.

If you disagree, you'll probably enjoy our series of Christmas Songs That Don't Suck series.

Otherwise, if you're like me, you'd much rather watch Die Hard (which is showing at The Royale in Mesa this week) or Bad Santa than put up with A Christmas Story one more time. While tuning out "The Twelve Days of Christmas" for the thousandth time, I found myself humming "Fairytale of New York" and came up with this list of Un-Christmas songs.


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Christmas Songs That Don't Suck: Part III

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Fa la la la la, and all that jazz. Getting tired of holiday music? We're not. Well, that's not entirely true. We're well tired of the lousy, saccharine, abominable Christmas music that clogs the airwaves. Is it worse when a radio station switches over to all-Xmas-all-the-time, or when a radio station ambushes you every three or four songs with a holiday tune? We're not sure.

But it's not all bad. (Really.) As we here at Up On the Sun have detailed in our weekly "Christmas Songs That Don't Suck" feature -- check out Part I and Part II -- there are diamonds out there amongst the muck. Here are a few more winners.

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