Overheard at the Gathering of the Juggalos 2014: The Best Quotations

Categories: Juggalo Watch

Nate "Igor" Smith
"I want you to romantically spew milk into her mouth."

- Uttered by World's Most Eligible Bachelor Mike Busey.

"Freedom of the press means I can do whatever I want. Also never pay for anything. Don't tread on me, motherfucker!"

- A member of the press who'd clearly had far too much to drink.

See also: The Twenty Best-Dressed Juggalos at the Gathering

"My dick is horrible. My dick looks like a vagina."

- A man pleading innocent in a very strange Juggalo Night Court case.

Nate "Igor" Smith
"Who hit her so hard her titties popped out?"

- Night Court's honorable Judge High Bone.

"Is this your beer? Can I drink it?"


Drew Ailes
"I'm gonna try and fuck her in the butt tonight!"

- A newlywed, just married at the Gathering of the Juggalos.

See also: A Wedding at the Gathering of the Juggalos

"Check out this sexy ass midget. She ain't got no Down Syndrome or nothing!"

- Mike Busey, frosted-tipped, despicable idiot.

Nate "Igor" Smith
"Why can everyone breathe fire except for me?"

- A dejected and disheartened bald man.

"You've never been kissed? Well here's your first kiss -- from a ninja!"

- A juggalo who overheard another man telling a story and ran up and kissed him.

Juggalo: "Lemme see your tits!"

Topless Juggalette, confused: "Uh, I mean, you can see them!"

Juggalo, after some thought: "Lemme see your butthole!"

"I will fight a motherfucker if I gotta shave my hair."
- Long-haired metalhead nervously spinning the Wheel.

Juggalo 1: "Wayne Campbell?!"
Juggalo 2: "Beef Stew?!"

- Two juggalos upon first seeing each other, followed by a spirited embrace.

"Watch ABK; get your wallet stolen!"

- Shouted through a megaphone, enticingly.


- Man running at a full sprint toward a stage full of activity.

Nate "Igor" Smith
"You better be nervous; you're hugging the king of darkness."

- Tech N9ne

"That notebook is gonna be worth a lot of money someday."

- Vice magazine

"You were zoned out and missed those big-ass titties too? You're lying."

- Incredulous girl to boyfriend.

"Dude if you blow me I will give you one Valium."

- Juggalo businessman tired of messing around.

"PCP will make you a woman!"

-Juggalo confused about gender identity.

"I took two hits and when I came back, I was wearing my buck cape and spinning around and my boss was yelling at me."

- Recently unemployed juggalo.

"I'm trying to grow this rat tail but I just don't give a fuck."

- A large man with no shirt and a farmer's tan.

Nate "Igor" Smith
"I gotta warm up 'cause I'm a little bitch nigga on the inside."

- Hopsin before stage-diving into the crowd.

"'Whoop whoop? Dizzy, that don't make everything better after a serious accident. You gonna show up to the hospital and go 'Whoop whoop?'"

- Hopsin, after an associate ran over somebody on the stage with a golf cart.

"This is like the first shower these juggalos have had in a year."

- Onlooker working at a vending tent when it started pouring rain.

"It's the last night of the Gathering, man."

- Weeping dreadlock boy who approached us for a hug, not excited to return to his normal life. We don't blame him.

More photos:
Milk Showers and Gilbert Gottfried: Day 3 at the Gathering of the Juggalos
Wild Scenes at the Gathering of the Juggalos 2014
The 2014 Gathering of the Juggalos Opens Up in Ohio (NSFW)
The Lovely Juggalettes of the 2013 Gathering (NSFW)

Follow the authors, Daniel Hill and Drew Ailes, on Twitter at @fatrobocop and @CountBakula, respectively.

Nate "Igor" Smith
More photos:
Insane Clown Posse Close Out 2014 Gathering of the Juggalos
Wild Scenes at the Gathering of the Juggalos 2014
Follow the author, Drew Ailes, on Twitter @CountBakula.

Click here for more coverage of the 2014 Gathering of the Juggalos

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My Voice Nation Help

Gathering of the talentless douchebags..but still a step up form Coachella burning man and all things hippie/hipster /crap indie-jam

Brad Wayne
Brad Wayne

At least they didn't add "Ten things to hate about..." in the title. Not that they didn't consider it.

Matt Gautchier
Matt Gautchier

This is what happens when trailer parks hold rallies....

Ryan Ford
Ryan Ford

So sometimes I think about attending the gathering, and then I see the pics and read the articles NT posts from the event and I am reminded why I avoid juggalo events and the gathering.....

Chris Schaaff
Chris Schaaff

That fat dude on the right got his belly a lap dance.

Aaron Foster
Aaron Foster

They spun the Slow News Wheel and got "juggalos"

Ruben Jáquez Jr.
Ruben Jáquez Jr.

I think the new times is sad they missed all the carny action

Stina O'Grady
Stina O'Grady

Phoenix New Times seems to have a Gathering obsession.

Dave Demlong
Dave Demlong

after attending be sure the get your penicillin shot and STD check after

Justin Blaine Sassone
Justin Blaine Sassone

No wonder nobody comments on these stories... Because nobody cares... Unfollowed.

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