Blag Dahlia of the Dwarves: I Really Only Care About What Women Think

Categories: Interview, Punk, Q&A

The Dwarves

Blag Dahlia (birth name: Paul Cafaro) of the Dwarves is looking for women to come to the band's show tonight at Yucca Tap Room with the Queers, Masked Intruder, and the Atom Age buck-naked and ready for fun. He knows it gets hot in Phoenix, so "Why not be comfortable?" according to Blag. If the Dwarves singer has any hang-ups, nudity is definitely not one of them.

Talking to Blag Dahlia of the Dwarves is definitely enjoyable. The guy clearly knows how to have a good time, and what is even way more interesting is that he almost perfectly walks the fine line between brilliant and bullshit, evil genius and closet good guy. He seems to revel in any opportunity to playfully push buttons. In fact, he'll freely push his own buttons just to see (and enjoy) your reaction. That is, of course, if you don't react to his jabs at men, women, or....well, people, really. With the Dwarves, anyone and anything is fair game, especially if there is a way to work in quick hits of tits and ass on top of one f- bomb after another.

We sat down and had a nice, polite little chat on the phone with Blag a few nights ago. Here is how it played out.

Up on the Sun: What's going on with the Dwarves these days? I noticed on your website you have some really cool shows coming up.

We're going to be in the SLC Punk 2 movie, I guess since we wrote the best Salt Lake City song ever and at Punk Rock Bowling we're doing the main stage this year. We plan to tour a lot to support the upcoming record The Dwarves Invented Rock N Roll. Another bona fide classic!

You're sitting in some sort of waiting room. A stranger strikes up a conversation with you and eventually asks you what you do for a living...what do you tell them? What do you tell them about the Dwarves?

I don't. It's too confusing. Sometimes I pretend to be an astronaut, unless they know science, in which case I pretend to be a professional cat walker. The best is when someone mentions the Dwarves without knowing I'm in it. I like to go into great detail about why I hate that band and how atrocious they are. I'm still waiting for someone to defend us, though.

How often does that happen, that people mention the Dwarves to you without knowing who you are?

We've done some festivals over the years where I've been able to catch folks talking shit about us without them knowing. It's been fun, for sure, but I don't really give a shit what people think (laughs). I'm much more concerned what people think if they have vaginas. If they have penises, I'm not almost completely unconcerned with they think.

That's a good strategy, you know, to keep the species going...

That is my main concern, keeping the species going.

Tell me about the current lineup...any changes to the band recently? Is Greg [Pecker] still drumming? He came over, several years ago, when you guys were playing in Tempe, and had some beers with us at our band room. Cool guy...

Gregory Pecker is still with us on drums. Chip Fracture, Fresh Prince of Darkness, HeWhoCanNotBeNamed and Rex Everything split guitar and bass duties. And I'm Blag the Ripper, rock legend, on vocals.

We love hearing stories about you guys. It seems like everyone has a Dwarves story, whether from sharing a bill with you guys to being in the audience when mass chaos broke out....what is your favorite DWARVES story that you heard from someone that was not even close to being true? There has to be quite a few floating around that never happened.

HeWhoCanNotBeNamed is a transgendered florist from Poughkeepsie, New York, who studied ballet in Moscow before fomenting the current troubles in the Ukraine. He likes macramé, sodomy, and long walks on the mine-strewn beaches of Cambodia. He co-founded the organization Mothers Against Everything with Martha Stewart and Andrea Yates and hopes to run in the 2014 Miss Wretched USA pageant.

What, in your opinion, are the biggest misconceptions about the Dwarves?

Oh you know, I think a lot of people just think that they wouldn't like it. That there aren't enough poppy overtones, when I think we are a really poppy band, in my opinion. A lot of the PC (politically correct) crowd would just sort of label us as misogynists or violent, and we really just like to make satirize all that and think it is funny.

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