The 10 Biggest Douchebags in Country Music

Categories: Funny, Lists

Courtesy of the label
Luke Bryan

By Mike Seely

Mainstream country music gets an unfair rap as being universally over-polished and formulaic, a notion that artists like Kacey Musgraves and Eric Church obliterate every time they strap on their guitars. But there's a granule of truth to the stereotype, and a particularly damaging sub-genre -- known as "bro-country" -- is lending it far too much credibility right now.

Booze, chicks, jacked-up pickups, extreme redneck sports, spring break -- artists like Luke Bryan, Florida Georgia Line and even Blake Shelton are leaning way too heavily on such themes in their music these days, and the entire trope can be summed up in one word: douchey. Yet bro-country isn't the only brand of 'baggery currently afflicting Nashville. No, douchebags are a diverse lot, and here are the 10 biggest 'bags currently cranking out (s)hits in Music City today:

country-bags-2-toby-keith-courtesy-of-label.jpg
Courtesy of the label
Toby Keith

10. Toby Keith
Drinking has long been fertile fodder for country songs. But for Keith, who's devoted entire concept albums to the topic, it's too often the only fodder. His lyrical over-reliance on the bottle is at least partially responsible for spawning bro-country, and Keith also bears a heavy burden for souring the Dixie Chicks on country radio (and vice versa), a setback from which Nashville's female insurgency is only now recovering.

country-bags-3-Charles-Kelley-Courtesy-of-label.jpg
Courtesy of the label
Charles Kelley

9. Charles Kelley
He seems like a sweet, goofy guy, but sounds like supremo-'bag Michael Bolton, and is in a trio with "Lady" in its name. There's no place for the sort of soft-rock sheen Kelley brings to twang's table; it's high time Hillary Scott ditched the dudes and made Lady Antebellum all about the Lady.

country-bags-4-dan-shay-credit-Ram-Country.jpg
Dan + Shay
Ram Country

8. Dan + Shay
This douchey duo is managed by Belieber-in-Chief Scooter Braun. That's the only argument we need.

country-bags-5-Chris-Gaines-Garth-Brooks-courtesy-of-label.jpg
Chris Gaines/Garth Brooks
Courtesy o the label

7. Garth Brooks
Brooks admirably took a decade off in his prime to focus on his family, but we still can't get the Chris Gaines debacle out of our head, nor can we entirely dismiss it as the reason for Brooks' "retirement" in the first place.



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120 comments
Ryan Tielking
Ryan Tielking

Country is fucked right now and about 50-60% was right on but they missed a bunch a and put the wrong candidates in..

Katie Ann Perkins
Katie Ann Perkins

This article is bullshit. Especially if Garth is on here. Waste of time reading. The author is clearly not a country music fan so he's going to put everyone on there.

Garrett May
Garrett May

You play country music? You a douchebag, and that is a scientific fact!

Aaron Solloway
Aaron Solloway

Ironically nobody cares that you hate Abby for hating country music Lisa Obama. Shut up and sit in AZ you troll.

Todd Landram Slagowski
Todd Landram Slagowski

Up in Salt Lake City, before he was known, he treated people like crap. And look out women, you were his for the taking....

lisa cortese
lisa cortese

Ironically nobody cares that you hate country music.

Scott Aring
Scott Aring

So, clearly the writer of this article is the top douchebag. It's funny how those that can't, bitch. This guy even admits on a couple of these people that they have good songs, but then proceeds to attack them for doing what they do. I don't like some of the songs or artists of this list, but they are still better than this guy.

Andrea Svechovsky
Andrea Svechovsky

Aww, she's just butt hurt just bc she tried to prove a point but failed.

Jenn Boughton
Jenn Boughton

Fuck off? Very mature . Keep expressing your biased and ignorant opinions and telling people you don't know to fuck off, you're just aiding in the problem with the world. Good luck to you all.

Warren Klofkorn
Warren Klofkorn

"We got both kinds of music here, country AND western!"

Michelle Diaz de Leon
Michelle Diaz de Leon

Jenn, welcome to the Internet where people express their opinions all the time. Your statement is very ironic so I will say to you if you don't like her opinion then ignore it. Butt hurt much?

Andrea Svechovsky
Andrea Svechovsky

Billy Currington - terroristic threats and abuse of an elder. Rodney Atkins - domestic assault (against his wife) Randy Travis - drinking in a church parking lot. Uncle Kracker - 2nd degree forcible sex offense. ... I'm sorry, what was that Jenn?

Jenn Boughton
Jenn Boughton

How did Jason Aldean not make this list but you put Garth Brooks, one of the legends of country music, on this list. At the end of the day, country music is far from douchebags because they are not scum bags who beat their wives, steal, lie, and cheat; unlike artists in other genres. The only one that should have made this list is Jason Aldean as he made news for being, A DOUCHE

Jenn Boughton
Jenn Boughton

Welcome to the 21st century. If you don't like country then don't listen to it. You don't need to bad mouth something because you don't like it, that shows us that you are the true douche

James Mitchell
James Mitchell

I would imagine this could have easily been the 100 biggest douche bags. In fact, it would be much more difficult trying to figure out the top 10 country musicians who are not douche bags

Andrea Svechovsky
Andrea Svechovsky

Anyone who performs that awful excuse for music is a doucebag in my book.

Brecken Celis Iupeli
Brecken Celis Iupeli

This was hilarious!! And so true! I was glad to see Jason Aldean didn't make the list, but I wouldn't have been surprised if he had!

Alex Beeshligaii
Alex Beeshligaii

All of these ..wouldn't buy a ticket nor invest in their music..call em rockers!

JoAn Notah
JoAn Notah

Don't waste your time, like I did, reading this article. #useless

Colin Kelton
Colin Kelton

and yet like brian still won best country music artist of the year last year.. genera is changing that for sure!

Doug Neal
Doug Neal

Who gives a shit? Its bad country music.

Carl Schultz
Carl Schultz

You missed a bunch of them, but it's a good start.

Missy Goldin
Missy Goldin

So much negativity so early on a beautiful Monday morning.

Randell
Randell

What about Mark Wills?

COMPLETE douchbag.

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Megan Cole
Megan Cole

"Chris Cagle?" If that's even how you spell it, my cousin meets him asks "can I take a picture with you?" His response "do you even know who I am?" She came home and told me this and I just laughed.

lisa cortese
lisa cortese

Don't put Garth on this list. Mike Seely is the real douchebag here.

Hannah Jo Lally
Hannah Jo Lally

Thank you for re-posting this! #murderonmusicrow #wehatepopcountry #popcountrysucks

modelcitizen10
modelcitizen10

I see you're a real critical thinker and nobody that disagrees with you could be worthwhile, right? Pinhead. 


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