The 10 Biggest Douchebags in Country Music

Categories: Funny, Lists

Courtesy of the label
Luke Bryan

By Mike Seely

Mainstream country music gets an unfair rap as being universally over-polished and formulaic, a notion that artists like Kacey Musgraves and Eric Church obliterate every time they strap on their guitars. But there's a granule of truth to the stereotype, and a particularly damaging sub-genre -- known as "bro-country" -- is lending it far too much credibility right now.

Booze, chicks, jacked-up pickups, extreme redneck sports, spring break -- artists like Luke Bryan, Florida Georgia Line and even Blake Shelton are leaning way too heavily on such themes in their music these days, and the entire trope can be summed up in one word: douchey. Yet bro-country isn't the only brand of 'baggery currently afflicting Nashville. No, douchebags are a diverse lot, and here are the 10 biggest 'bags currently cranking out (s)hits in Music City today:

country-bags-2-toby-keith-courtesy-of-label.jpg
Courtesy of the label
Toby Keith

10. Toby Keith
Drinking has long been fertile fodder for country songs. But for Keith, who's devoted entire concept albums to the topic, it's too often the only fodder. His lyrical over-reliance on the bottle is at least partially responsible for spawning bro-country, and Keith also bears a heavy burden for souring the Dixie Chicks on country radio (and vice versa), a setback from which Nashville's female insurgency is only now recovering.

country-bags-3-Charles-Kelley-Courtesy-of-label.jpg
Courtesy of the label
Charles Kelley

9. Charles Kelley
He seems like a sweet, goofy guy, but sounds like supremo-'bag Michael Bolton, and is in a trio with "Lady" in its name. There's no place for the sort of soft-rock sheen Kelley brings to twang's table; it's high time Hillary Scott ditched the dudes and made Lady Antebellum all about the Lady.

country-bags-4-dan-shay-credit-Ram-Country.jpg
Dan + Shay
Ram Country

8. Dan + Shay
This douchey duo is managed by Belieber-in-Chief Scooter Braun. That's the only argument we need.

country-bags-5-Chris-Gaines-Garth-Brooks-courtesy-of-label.jpg
Chris Gaines/Garth Brooks
Courtesy o the label

7. Garth Brooks
Brooks admirably took a decade off in his prime to focus on his family, but we still can't get the Chris Gaines debacle out of our head, nor can we entirely dismiss it as the reason for Brooks' "retirement" in the first place.


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81 comments
Randell
Randell

What about Mark Wills?

COMPLETE douchbag.

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Megan Cole
Megan Cole

"Chris Cagle?" If that's even how you spell it, my cousin meets him asks "can I take a picture with you?" His response "do you even know who I am?" She came home and told me this and I just laughed.

lisa cortese
lisa cortese

Don't put Garth on this list. Mike Seely is the real douchebag here.

Hannah Jo Lally
Hannah Jo Lally

Thank you for re-posting this! #murderonmusicrow #wehatepopcountry #popcountrysucks

swtstallings
swtstallings

This is nothing more than a stoner writing hate about country music, again this is just someone's opinion. Oh and he doesn't list somebody because they can shred on a guitar, oh what a reason to leave them off the list, not! This person themselves are the biggest douche bag of them all! And that's my opinion!

Carrie Morales
Carrie Morales

It's like channel surfing and you find yourself watching the Kardashions. You know better and even though it isn't the country music we grew up we can still tap our toes and take it for for what it is. I agree a lot of the new stuff is silly but heck, who wants to be serious all of the time?

RJ Douvillier
RJ Douvillier

First of all I don't live my life for anyone. This piece is someone opinion. They are entitled to it. I have my own opinions. Thank you that will be all you. may go now.

nubia_munoz
nubia_munoz

I mean really?! this is full of crap, this "writer" knows nothing about Country Music! or its artist, this is just another Country music hater PS Garth Brooks? Really?!

lcortese
lcortese

PNT just want clicks on their site. Don't clump Garth Brooks in this list, you douchebag.

CCislo
CCislo

Douche bags exist in every genre. And not all music/songs are great, but we are given a choice on what we listen to and who we like. I don't necessarily agree with everything, but everyone is entitled to an opinion.

Hector Soto Jr.
Hector Soto Jr.

Florida Georgia line should be banned from making such shitty music. You're a joke !!

Nick Santilla
Nick Santilla

Unlike this bias page everyone they never know their shit

Hannah Jo Lally
Hannah Jo Lally

Courtney Paige, you're a fucking idiot. Pop country music fucking sucks. The awesome list consists of folks who actually write the music they sing like Townes VanZandt, Merrle Haggard, Jason Eady, Cody Canada, Waylon Jennings, Reckless Kelly, American Aquarium....I can go on but I won't. Stop listening to the shit they play on the radio or stop calling it country.

Courtney Paige
Courtney Paige

Horrible list that puts some real talent to shame! I'd be scared to see who the "awesome" list is!

Tory Moore
Tory Moore

This is stupid only a few on them need to be on it! Most of the 10 aren't douchebags

Julie Cameron
Julie Cameron

Actually, it didn't have to be said; you're just being an asshole.

Mario James LoCoco
Mario James LoCoco

Phoenix times whata joke sit spin and rotate dude that did this prob digs craprap

Wendy Taylor Valdivia
Wendy Taylor Valdivia

What about Gentry from Montgomery Gentry? Buying a tame bear, then calling it in to kill for a "hunting" video. Not even a clean kill.

Marlene Cohen
Marlene Cohen

Proud to say I don't know who half of these people are.

Kevin Beishir
Kevin Beishir

This article is spot on. If I were a big country fan I would be disappointed of the direction it is heading. It's all about bro country, singing about the truck, getting lucky in the back of a cop car, singing countless songs about exes, mixing with rap, etc. Johnny Cash, Hank Williams and the legends must be rolling in their graves. Too bad there wasn't enough room for Brad Paisley. Can't enough songs about geology & checking for ticks. Maybe he was spared because he actually is a good guitar player.

Kevin Beishir
Kevin Beishir

It's all spot on. The bro country, the rap crap, singing about trucks and continued songs about exes, the love for the camera, etc. The truth hurts...

caitlinhobbs
caitlinhobbs

I'm pretty sure you just named 8 of the top 10 best selling acts in country...so suck it while they earn extra zeros on that pathetic paycheck you "earn" for writing about them. Keep them relevant though buddy!

Rita Mary
Rita Mary

Amusing article. Even more amusing - posted responses defending the douches. Very funny indeed !

Lisa Maxwell Emanuel
Lisa Maxwell Emanuel

I'm sure every music genre has a few of these kinds of people!! Lol! If your gonna do one genre ... You might as well do all of them! Lol! ;)

Alison Bailin Batz
Alison Bailin Batz

I have a feeling Kelly Potts will be boycotting you with your #2 pick, and Abbie S. Fink will with #1!!

modelcitizen10
modelcitizen10

I see you're a real critical thinker and nobody that disagrees with you could be worthwhile, right? Pinhead. 


davelog
davelog

That's who I was looking for, and I consider the list invalid without him in it.

swtstallings
swtstallings

Ummmmm hello, he didn't list the singer who sang about getting lucky in a cop car because he could shred on a guitar! Oh and that was a good reason to leave him off, not!! He didn't mention Paisley because he knows nothing about country music. This was nothing more than a stoner writing hate about country music. Again this is just someone's opinion.

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