Hey, Phoenix -- You Need To Start Dancing At Concerts

Categories: Comedy

farah-dance-top.jpg
Jack Delano, via Wikipedia Commons
Take a class if you have to, Phoenix. Just start dancing at shows.

On a recent trip to Denver (to totally get stoned LOLJK), I found myself in some giant cathedral that was converted into a five-story dance club. Each level had a different DJ and mood, but the bottom had this chill guy and his girlfriend who, before starting a DJ set, taught the entire audience some basic samba moves. I was far too cross-faded to keep up, so I shuffled along aimlessly for a minute like a moron, but I was deeply grateful to learn a little more about rhythm and movement, i.e. dancing.

Phoenix needs something like that here, because it's obvious someone needs to teach this city to dance. Nearly every show I go to it's the same story: people in the back (or worse, blocking the front), arms crossed, staring at their feet or into their beer, trying real hard to look like they're enjoying the music, but not too much.

Or, even worse, you have wannabe Steven Spielbergs filming the performance with their Epic-M Red Dragons shitty iPhones or taking shot after shot using "auto settings" on the Canon their parents got them for Christmas. News flash: you ain't Martin Scorsese, this ain't Shine A Light and your Instagram doesn't quite equate to SPIN magazine. And I don't care what xkcd says about "incorrect experiences" - when your phone is blinding me in the face and blocking the stage, you're ruining my experience, so stow that shit before I strangle you.

All this is especially bad at Crescent Ballroom, one of the best venues in this whole stinking city, yet more often than not the atmosphere is about as lively as the Terracotta Army. Why? It isn't the sound system, it isn't the bands, it isn't the drinks. So I guess it must be the saguaro cacti rooted to the ground at each show.

Now, maybe I shouldn't tell you how to enjoy live music, but if you want to pretend to be a lamp, maybe you should go to Ashley Furniture Home Store and stand around there instead. Furthermore, the bands who practice eight hours a day to play their heart and soul for you don't do it so you can gawk from the shadows. These same bands you profess to love so much aren't moving outta state just because of the weather -- maybe it's because you don't act like you give a fuck.

Every person that bitches and moans "wah-wah why doesn't local music get more respect?" needs to take a long, hard look at how they act at shows. And they need to get excited. Here's a few reasons why, followed by some basic dance steps.


My Voice Nation Help
17 comments
christahartness
christahartness

I hate when people tell others how to respond to music

Jem Jessica Millett
Jem Jessica Millett

Go to any club with a live DJ in Phx and you will see dancing just like Denver. You're compairing apples and oranges here. Live bands are not DJs at dance clubs...

Cheryl Perez
Cheryl Perez

lifes to short, be silly have fun, dance, i have been to alot of concerts and have heard the bands screaming get up and do something.

Kat Johnson-Perea
Kat Johnson-Perea

Honey I dance wherever I am. Concert, club, grocery store, elevator, my car when I'm driving. I don't care where I am. People are too worried about not being 'cool' so they won't dance. I, on the other hand don't give a fuck.

Brett James
Brett James

And I always thought it was just part of Phoenix "culture."

Angie Rivera
Angie Rivera

He had me at "stinking city". Great article.

Lucia Perry
Lucia Perry

Or dancing i. The streets! We need more random, heedless silliness.

Tyler Tippin
Tyler Tippin

Venues should print out copies of this and pass them out to people before the show

Hojuful
Hojuful

Yeah, people who go to shows and just want to pay attention to the music are awful. Thank you for letting those scumbags know that supporting artists and venues with their hollow ticket, drink, and merchandise purchases isn't going to cut it.

Tiadora Pearson
Tiadora Pearson

Too many □'s and chick's too worried about sweating. I am the girl sweating my a$$ off dancing like no one is watching. :)

Pamela Stone Vozza
Pamela Stone Vozza

I dance in clubs all the time but at a show where I paid a crapload of money, I want to actually SEE the show - I don't need some drunk / stoned asshat jumping around ruining it for me!

Fedra Poppen
Fedra Poppen

Your article is very spot on! I don't do clubs anymore but when I came to live here to Phx,11 years ago, I was just very disappointed in the crowd's attitude, What? U like to dance? I'll stay here, fighting the urge to even tap my feet to the beat, stiff as a board, while you look ridiculous dancing and having a good time, ugh, what a loser! When where I come from dancing is so natural,so ingrained in our culture, it's a form of self expression, and boy do we dance,nobody cares how anybody looks dancing, we just let loose and let the beat take over, that's how it should be! Phx youth is too cool for school and they r wasting their time pretending and caring too much what everybody else thinks.

Rachel Callahan
Rachel Callahan

I've thought this so many times... Couldn't be more dead on! Cheers

t3k3l
t3k3l

@Hojuful You sound like you're a lot of fun to be around.

Now Trending

Phoenix Concert Tickets

From the Vault

 

Loading...