Hey, Phoenix -- You Need To Start Dancing At Concerts
Jack Delano, via Wikipedia Commons Take a class if you have to, Phoenix. Just start dancing at shows.
On a recent trip to Denver (to totally get stoned LOLJK), I found myself in some giant cathedral that was converted into a five-story dance club. Each level had a different DJ and mood, but the bottom had this chill guy and his girlfriend who, before starting a DJ set, taught the entire audience some basic samba moves. I was far too cross-faded to keep up, so I shuffled along aimlessly for a minute like a moron, but I was deeply grateful to learn a little more about rhythm and movement, i.e. dancing.
Phoenix needs something like that here, because it's obvious someone needs to teach this city to dance. Nearly every show I go to it's the same story: people in the back (or worse, blocking the front), arms crossed, staring at their feet or into their beer, trying real hard to look like they're enjoying the music, but not too much.
Or, even worse, you have wannabe Steven Spielbergs filming the performance with their
Epic-M Red Dragons shitty iPhones or taking shot after shot using "auto settings" on the Canon their parents got them for Christmas. News flash: you ain't Martin Scorsese, this ain't Shine A Light and your Instagram doesn't quite equate to SPIN magazine. And I don't care what xkcd says about "incorrect experiences" - when your phone is blinding me in the face and blocking the stage, you're ruining my experience, so stow that shit before I strangle you.
All this is especially bad at Crescent Ballroom, one of the best venues in this whole stinking city, yet more often than not the atmosphere is about as lively as the Terracotta Army. Why? It isn't the sound system, it isn't the bands, it isn't the drinks. So I guess it must be the saguaro cacti rooted to the ground at each show.
Now, maybe I shouldn't tell you how to enjoy live music, but if you want to pretend to be a lamp, maybe you should go to Ashley Furniture Home Store and stand around there instead. Furthermore, the bands who practice eight hours a day to play their heart and soul for you don't do it so you can gawk from the shadows. These same bands you profess to love so much aren't moving outta state just because of the weather -- maybe it's because you don't act like you give a fuck.
Every person that bitches and moans "wah-wah why doesn't local music get more respect?" needs to take a long, hard look at how they act at shows. And they need to get excited. Here's a few reasons why, followed by some basic dance steps.