I Chaperoned a Middle-School Valentine's Day Dance
Editor's Note: Shea Serrano is an award-winning music writer and goofball whose recent exploits include Bun B's Rap Coloring and Activity Book, and writes this weekly column about his life and times.
Flickr via jose_kevo
3:20 p.m.: Today I am chaperoning our school's Valentine's Day dance. A line of about 100 kids is already waiting to get into the cafeteria, which is where we hold all of our school's dances. In the movies there's always, like, a decorations committee or whatever worrying that everything's not going to be finished in time for the dance and will be ruined. That's not how it works in real life.
You know who the decorating committee is at a middle school in real life? Four janitors. Do you know how they decorate? They move all of the tables out of the way. Malibooyah. The dance is ready, and the kids go goddamn nuts for it. That's a little thing called being efficient.
3:20:15: If you're questioning the effectiveness of moving tables as a means of decorating for a dance, go home today and put the kitchen table in the living room. Everyone in your whole house will freak the fuck out about it. Table placement is serious, son.
3:24: The DJ for today's dance is a younger black lady. Normally our school hires this 60-year-old Mexican man who was kin to someone at our campus, but the lady that used to handle that is gone now so he got the ax. I'll miss his Old Man Jeans.