5 Traditions For Celebrating Jimmy Buffett Day, Which Is a Real Thing

Categories: Show Preview

Jimmy Buffett Day in Margaritaville
Sam Howzit
Every parrothead (not a religion) hopes to celebrate Jimmy Buffett Day in Margaritaville at least once.
It's Jimmy Buffett Day Eve, Phoenix, and there's nothing you can do about it. According to a press release promoting Thursday's "Songs from St. Somewhere" tour stop, Mayor Greg Stanton has declared that tomorrow will -- now and forevermore -- be Jimmy Buffett Day. No word yet as to whether he will pardon Buffett's Coral Reefer Band, charged Tuesday with possession of a marijuana pun with intent to use it in a band name.

As a Midwesterner constitutionally unable to drink or tan, I have a complicated relationship with Jimmy Buffett. But as a music editor, it's my duty to facilitate relations between local music fans and the parrotheads (not a racial slur) who will be celebrating on Central Avenue prior to the show. That's why I've collected these five traditional ways of celebrating Jimmy Buffett Day, which, again, is happening.

1. Rewrite "Why Don't We Get Drunk" to fit modern social mores.

Since Plato, philosophers have struggled to unite the physical world with the world of spirit and ideas. Starting with the Council of the Party at the End of the World [Tour] in 2007, parrotheads (not a philosophical tradition) have rejected Buffett's earlier dualism, contending that the unsafe practices described in the heretofore canonical "Why Don't We Get Drunk" are -- if not heretical -- perhaps too dangerous for novice and initiate parrotheads (not a religious order.)

In Margaritaville, that is, after the earth passes away and it is 5 o'clock everywhere, it will be okay to get drunk and screw potential snuff queens; so long as we're in the material world, where waterbeds leak and anyway the landlord's a real bitch about them, we must wait. Revisions to the doctrine in the mid-'90s challenged long-held beliefs about birth control and designated drivers, a change which continues to rankle adherents to the Latina Mass.

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