The Weirdest Things We Heard at Gathering of the Juggalos

Categories: Juggalo Watch

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Nate "Igor" Smith
by Daniel Hill and Drew Ailes

During the Gathering of the Juggalos, Cave-In Rock, Illinois becomes a sonic disaster zone. Even if you're a rap lover, it's hard to keep your mind sharp with all the noise. But within the cacophony of sounds, a few incredible Juggalo statements were somehow deciphered and recorded by our numbed ears.

The things these people said may not make a ton of sense, but when you are surrounded by a constant thundering bass drum, the maniacal shouting of "whoop, whoop," and the occasional dynamite explosion in the distance . . .you probably wouldn't make a whole lot of sense, either.

Read More:
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- Keith Morris Responds to Greg Ginn's Black Flag Lawsuit: "We've Done Nothing Wrong"

"Oh shit, Metallica!" [starts headbanging]
- One way to be sure that you're at the Gathering is that the Black Album by Metallica is always playing. And no one seems disappointed.

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Nate "Igor" Smith
A juggalo with a "drug bridge" T-Shirt at the Gathering.
"It's synthetic acid. It's from Canada. I won't sell you more than two hits."
- Three sketchy kids wearing gym shorts were sitting outside of a tent with a sign that read, "$10 TRIP YOUR FACE OFF" and said this to us. They claimed to be selling a hallucinogen called 2CB. After hearing reports the next day of multiple overdoses on a drug called 25i (also called N-Bomb, a derivative of 2CB), this encampment mysteriously disappeared. They also offered us a money-back guarantee.

See also: Death at the Gathering of the Juggalos: "Four Dudes That Had Been Sleeping With a Corpse."

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"This port-a-john smells like shit!"
- Shouted by a kid with a wiry frame with homemade tattoos. He yelled at a dude asleep on the ground a few minutes later and was surprisingly effective at getting him up.

"Girl, I would break your neden."
- Said by a kid so young it is difficult to believe he is aware he has a penis. If you're anything like me, you had no idea what "neden" was, but picked up on it using context clues pretty quickly.

"Where did my dick go?"
- Only a small piece of garbled nonsense to come from a Juggalo swaying back and forth near a Port-a-John.

"You don't know what a cheeseburger is? Oh, my God, they're the best."
- Some girl said this to someone else in a tent we were passing by, I swear to God.

"Im illin' and chillin' with my guts all over the ceiling."
"We're scrubs so we always get the bone."
- Two sets of memorable lyrics from stage performers

"I don't know, I think Whitney Houston should have died."
- Source unknown

"I don't know if you know or care, but do not take the acid."
- Heard from a conversation being held in a golf-cart while passing

"Do not take anything called 'spice' -- that's bath salts."
- From an unnamed associate

"You can take mushrooms and eat acid just as long as you don't have any glass bottles."
- Security at the front gate

Quotations from the Gathering continue on the next page.



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1 comments
onefingersalute
onefingersalute

Wondering if the guy who cut his nipple off, is the same guy, who earlier uttered, "where did my dick go"?

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