12 Warped Tour Band Names That Are Nearly Complete Sentences

I See Stars: My new favorite band to love to hate.

Warped Tour returns to the valley in a few hours, officially kicking things off at Quail Run Park in Mesa at noon. There are a few familiar names on the line up, but the onslaught of bands with colors and violent subject matter in their names is a little overwhelming.

Don't fret: Before you waste precious energy checking out bands and actually spending time to discover what they have to offer, we've made a bunch of snap judgments for you. Without any further ado, here are extremely quick reviews of 12 Warped Tour bands whose names are also (almost) sentences.

August Burns Red
Assumption: sounds like an ode to a house fire that happened as a child, or perhaps the band really likes The Hunt for Red October. By name alone, this sounds like the type of band that fantasizes about touring with Bright Eyes.
The Reality: pop-punk guitar riffs with a double kick drum and lots of screaming. "Fault Line" doesn't have a whiny vocalist to offset the screams, so they may not be all that bad.

Beebs and Her Money Makers
Assumption: Female Justin Bieber with a backing band, or what would happen if Carly Rae Jepsen fronted Fitz and the Tantrums.
The Reality: Kind of sounds like Dresden Dolls. This is definitely not the typical Warped Tour band.

Beware of Darkness
Assumption: Black metal offer-your-soul-to-Satan kind of stuff.
The Reality: Trying way too hard to be like Black Sabbath.

Assumption: Metalcore jams for Jesus.
The Reality: How can a guy in a Minor Threat shirt make such whiny music?

Bring Me the Horizon
Assumption: Guys dressed as Captain Jack Sparrow that sing about the pirate life, mateys.
The Reality: Kids with asymmetrical haircuts will be doing spin kicks.

Crown the Empire
Assumption: a bunch of Brits who really love the queen.
The Reality: The top YouTube video has an advertisement for Hot Topic. The singer is super-whiny, then starts growling. The video is worth checking out if only to see a girl dramatically knock over a plate of onions in slow motion.

Location Info


Quail Run Park

4155 E. Virginia St., Mesa, AZ

Category: General

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