Ask MC Magic: Should I Tell My Man I Cheated on Him?
Anyone who follows Arizona's reigning slow-jam king on Twitter or Facebook knows that he's into keeping in touch with his fans. With that in mind -- and because Ann Landers just doesn't know you as well as he does -- we'd like to invite you personally to bring your problems to Ask Magic, MC Magic's new weekly advice column. Love, relationships, hip-hop . . . if you have a question, whether it's serious or a little strange or somewhere in between, MC Magic is here to answer it. If you'd like to ask him a question of your own, click here.
What's up, MC Magic? I love you and your music! I've been with my man for seven years, through ups and downs and thick and thin. During our five years together I made a "friend" at work. He was cool -- someone I could talk to -- and he always seemed to make me laugh and put a smile on my face. While my man was out of town on business, my "friend" kept me company.
After maybe a year of being "friends," I kinda had this guilt ghost haunting me. Before this, me and my man never questioned each other about who we were with or anything like that, but now I've become crazy thinking he's out cheating on me, or I get to daydreaming about those days of my "friend" putting down so that I can't even get in the mood with my man anymore.
My question is, I still feel guilty, even though my man never had any idea about all this, and he never caught me. Should I be honest and hope we can work this out, and risk him never trusting me again, or do I shut that chapter out of my life and let my guilt haunt me forever?
Unfriendly in Phoenix
It appears that you have created a problem for yourself and your guilt is getting the best of you. I don't know him, but your man could be a very honest and loyal husband who doesn't deserve to be hurt by your actions.
But bringing up your cheating only to get it off your conscience is really a selfish act, because you're dropping the infidelity right into his lap. Unless you are secretly using this as your excuse to get out of the relationship in order to chase something else, it doesn't seem like a good idea.
If that is what you're looking for, this may be one way of doing it. Of course, it's a dirty way of doing it, so be ready for some backlash. Karma and guilt are cousins in my book, so be careful, because in the end we all get what we deserve.
I want to learn to be more accepting of myself. I mean, people tell me I'm smart, pretty, blah blah, but I feel the exact opposite. It's hard because there are days where I can't even look into the mirror.
I've been through enough to get my self-esteem to rock bottom, and I'm barely getting it steady again. How can I face the world without thinking that every second someone looks at me is another second they're judging me?
Thanks for your music, it's so amazing and uplifting.
Depressed in Moreno Valley, CA
Take comfort in knowing that we all have insecurities. Talking about your insecurities with your friends or people you trust could make you feel a little better about your struggles.
Personally, I discovered that when I really dedicate myself to exercise and healthy eating I automatically feel so much better--and the compliments I get from friends are like icing on the cake. I truly believe that we can eliminate our problems by looking them dead in the eye and squashing the conflict. That all starts with dedication, so make a plan and stick with it.
The rewards and the increased self esteem are like nothing money can buy.