Justin Timberlake Is Totally Shit at Music, But Here's Why You Should Still Like Him

Categories: Kids Are Cool

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Here is J.T. speaking at some Walmart-related press conference. Why? Because fuck it, that's why.

Justin Timberlake's reunion with music is causing some weird flashbacks and leaving a miserable taste in my mouth. His new album is the pinnacle of mediocrity and exemplifies all that can go wrong when commercialism meets music. "Suit and Tie" makes me want to burn a stack of Esquire magazines and is further proof that Jay-Z isn't remotely as great as he thinks he is.

Yet Justin Timberlake, aside from his soulless music, is actually pretty awesome. I think I could enjoy a Bud Light Platinum with him, even though I have never had a Plat. (Is that the correct slang?) I think I could maybe even let him drive us home after having a few too many Plats. I think I could stifle my giggles when he talks himself out of a ticket because the cop at the DUI checkpoint is a woman. I think I could live with it if we later prank-call Ryan Gosling. I think I could even wake up in the morning with a crushing Plat hangover and not feel like a total tool.

I can't say that about many celebrities of Timberlake's caliber. Everyone else (Chris Brown, Robert Pattinson, Justin Bieber, Drake, Kanye West) appears as if they would try to strangle me after I asked them, "What was the last book you read?" But there's something different about The Other Mr. T.

I can find a number of reasons to like Justin. I mean, it's obvious that Timberlake has a good sense of humor. However, it's definitely not his appearances on Saturday Night Live. Do you remember when SNL was actually funny? Yeah, neither do I. Perhaps it never was. And Justin's "Dick in the Box" joke never rang with me, especially after I saw some 10-year-old kids singing along to it at the local IHOP. Don't get me started on that Jimmy Fallon thing. All that did was remind me how much boy bands ripped off barbershop quartets, only with more estrogen.

But did you know that Justin Timberlake danced onstage in a dolphin suit at a Flaming Lips concert? Fuck. Anyone who can hang with Wayne Coyne and company must be an amusing guy to drop 2C-B with in Oklahoma.


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6 comments
scottbeamer
scottbeamer

To each their own. I've got all his CDs. He's great.  I love the new one and I love "Suit & Tie".



runnersproject8
runnersproject8

LOL. Well there are a lot of music industry pro's who gave serious acclaim to this record. The dude can and did sing some really killin' shit, extremely musical riffs/runs and the production was unique. That is not the kind of music that is generally thought of as corporate music. It's soul music, and yeah he did rip off black music just like the boy bands did the quartet concept - but he isn't doing it total disservice. He has done his homework. In my opinion, your opinion is wrong.

jeeprich
jeeprich

Troy,


I don't usually comment on these but kudos on this one. It was funny, and I agree completely. You did fail to mention how he is married to the hottest woman in Hollywood. But aside from that...nailed it! I think johndoe, down there, failed to actually read it. Yeah, Timberlake's music is unoriginal and uninspired. It's trite. But he's entertaining, and the dude obviously works hard at what he does. He's like a marginally more talented David Hasselhoff. 

johndoe
johndoe

This is a dumbass article. Jay Z isn't as good as he thinks he is? He's put out several platinum albums in the past decade and is considered one of the greatest rappers of all time. A true rags to riches story, and a business genius. And Justin Timberlake is shit at music? His numerous awards beg to differ, not to mention the millions upon millions of record sales. He's slated to sell over 750k records in his first week. Shit article from a try hard. 

scottbeamer
scottbeamer

@runnersproject8 His music is very popular on R&B stations around the country.  Almost everything they otherwise play is by black artists. That's saying something.

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