Justin Timberlake Is Totally Shit at Music, But Here's Why You Should Still Like Him
Here is J.T. speaking at some Walmart-related press conference. Why? Because fuck it, that's why.
Justin Timberlake's reunion with music is causing some weird flashbacks and leaving a miserable taste in my mouth. His new album is the pinnacle of mediocrity and exemplifies all that can go wrong when commercialism meets music. "Suit and Tie" makes me want to burn a stack of Esquire magazines and is further proof that Jay-Z isn't remotely as great as he thinks he is.
Yet Justin Timberlake, aside from his soulless music, is actually pretty awesome. I think I could enjoy a Bud Light Platinum with him, even though I have never had a Plat. (Is that the correct slang?) I think I could maybe even let him drive us home after having a few too many Plats. I think I could stifle my giggles when he talks himself out of a ticket because the cop at the DUI checkpoint is a woman. I think I could live with it if we later prank-call Ryan Gosling. I think I could even wake up in the morning with a crushing Plat hangover and not feel like a total tool.
I can't say that about many celebrities of Timberlake's caliber. Everyone else (Chris Brown, Robert Pattinson, Justin Bieber, Drake, Kanye West) appears as if they would try to strangle me after I asked them, "What was the last book you read?" But there's something different about The Other Mr. T.
I can find a number of reasons to like Justin. I mean, it's obvious that Timberlake has a good sense of humor. However, it's definitely not his appearances on Saturday Night Live. Do you remember when SNL was actually funny? Yeah, neither do I. Perhaps it never was. And Justin's "Dick in the Box" joke never rang with me, especially after I saw some 10-year-old kids singing along to it at the local IHOP. Don't get me started on that Jimmy Fallon thing. All that did was remind me how much boy bands ripped off barbershop quartets, only with more estrogen.
But did you know that Justin Timberlake danced onstage in a dolphin suit at a Flaming Lips concert? Fuck. Anyone who can hang with Wayne Coyne and company must be an amusing guy to drop 2C-B with in Oklahoma.