The Best and Worst Beatles Conspiracies (NSFW)

Categories: Weird

John Lennon Was A Nice Dude

This jerk, who co-wrote some of the best love songs in history, wasn't so great at living up to his reputation. "Getting Better" was an auto-biographical account of his wife-beating. In his own words, Lennon said: "I used to be cruel to my woman, and physically--any woman. I was a hitter. I couldn't express myself and I hit. I fought men and I hit women. That is why I am always on about peace."

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When he wasn't slapping his girlfriends around, he was sleeping around. While Cynthia Lennon was vacationing in Greece, he invited Yoko Ono over and the two recorded Unfinished Music No. 1: Two Virgins, which featured neither music nor virgins, but simply more of Yoko Ono's horrible screeching noises.

Lennon said they then "made love at dawn." Ick. Anyone who's ever gone through a divorce or a breakup can attest this is not a civilized way to be told "it's over." Lennon basically waggled his penis on an album cover, that was sold in millions of record stores, and said, "Here's my new naked girlfriend. How do you like that?"

Furthermore, Lennon didn't even remain faithful to Ono. Then again, this was kinda her fault. In 1973, Ono and Lennon were growing bored of each other, so Ono pushed his assistant May Pang on him, encouraging them to get down and dirty in what became known as their "Lost Weekend." Meanwhile, Lennon tried recording with Phil Spector, but ended up getting drunk most of the time instead. Ol' Phil, himself not a role model, was firing guns in the studio, got into a car accident and disappeared with the session tapes. Lennon was more busy attaching Kotex pads to his forehead and fighting waitresses. To her credit, Pang helped mend her employer's relationships with his estranged son Julian Lennon, Ringo Starr, and Paul McCartney, among others.

Later, Pang and Lennon would move into together, adopt some cats and claim to see some UFOs. Oh, I guess she helped Lennon with some recording, too. But it's not like Lennon stopped being violent -- while drinking with Pang and Harry Nilsson, Lennon misunderstood his mistress and tried to strangle her. Later, Lennon would go to see Ono again and came back from a dentist appointment in a confused, drugged state, which convinced Pang that he had been brainwashed.

This is possibly the weirdest affair in history. But it doesn't make Lennon out to be a very decent dude, that's for sure. I wouldn't be putting him on buttons advocating world peace any more than I would Charlie Sheen.

Beatlemania Was A Unique Fad

Folks talk about the Beatles craze like it was the first time in history anyone ever went apeshit over music. Maybe they haven't heard of Liszt Fever, which was a nasty bout of intense swooning and obsessive fandom directed at Romantic composer Franz Liszt. Yeah, imagine the dude who wrote this being treated like Justin Bieber today.

Liszt Fever was so bizarre that once, when Liszt tossed a cigar butt in the street, a lovestruck groupie "reverently picked the offensive weed out of the gutter, had it encased in a locket and surrounded with the monogram "F.L." in diamonds, and went about her courtly duties unaware of the sickly odour it gave forth." What the fuck.

Back in those days, however, the word "mania" was not taken lightly. Medical officials thought "Lisztomania" was a genuine disease as contagious as syphilis and critics, apparently fearful for their sanity, made attempts to immunize the public.

What did The Beatles do again? Oh, they made a bunch of teenage females scream in high-pitched voices? Yeah, so did the Spice Girls. Get back to me when a band has all its listeners castrated as a public health concern.

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3 comments
jfkin60
jfkin60

Paul McCartney wrote Getting Better.

Mo Sberg
Mo Sberg

Most CT's just discredit actual research. Having a skeptical mind is one thing, but sensationalism and ego-based "theory" are not something to laud. Exhibit A: Alex Jones.

gfnewland
gfnewland

If I were compiling a Best and/or Worst list of articles using the Beatles name to get an inane load of poorly researched and obviously unedited crap published, then I would place the above at the topper most of the popper most! Congrats Phoenix New Times Blog!

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