The Best and Worst Beatles Conspiracies (NSFW)
Actually, Paul Is The Antichrist
I swear I read a website that said Paul was the Antichrist, but that was many years ago, so I think I was confusing it with Prince Williams or Prince Charles. Anyway, this is totally true. But first of all, there isn't just some penultimate anti-Christ. According to most interpretations of the New Testament, it's basically anyone that denies Jesus came to Earth to save all us fuckups from our fuckups. Well, all of the Fab Four did a pretty good job of denying Jesus, so maybe they're all the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse. In 1964, the band's press officer Derek Taylor said the Beatles were "Completely anti-Christ. I mean, I am anti-Christ as well, but they're so anti-Christ they shock me, which isn't an easy thing."
Plus, Paul did write "Helter Skelter," which is largely blamed for the Manson Family murders. After all, Charles Manson himself said in 1970, "If you don't see the confusion coming down fast, you can call it what you wish. It's not my conspiracy. It is not my music. I hear what it relates. It says, 'Rise!' It says 'Kill!' Why blame it on me? I didn't write the music. I am not the person who projected it into your social consciousness."
That's enough evidence for me. Paul will bring about Armageddon. Cool. I just hope he doesn't do it during the Rolling Stones 900th reunion tour.
Yoko Ono Broke Up The Beatles
Quit blaming Yoko for everything, you guys.
Yeah, maybe Ono hypnotized Lennon into thinking her artistic input was needed in the studio. Maybe that created resentment between the rest of the band. But did she break up The Beatles? No.
Paul McCartney, ahem, His Satanic Majesty, exonerated Lennon's widow last year. Took him long enough, right? But those rumors gave Ono way too much power. In fact, this is pretty much all she was good at.