The 10 Most WTF Moments of 2012
We had the Syrian Civil War, the Aurora Shooting, Israel being dicks to Gaza and vice versa, Mitt Romney was treated like a reasonable human being, somehow Obama got another pass, Ron Paul quit, Sandy threw up all over the East Coast and I got fired from my job selling cheesecake at Costco because I slept with my girlfriend instead of going to work. Insane, indeed.
The world of music wasn't exempt. In fact, in many ways, these musicians were more spoiled and out of control than silly little politicians saying silly little things to their silly little voters. What follows are The 10 Most What The Fuck Moments of 2012.
Justin Bieber Pukes
He puked right here in Glendale! That means, after it was mopped up, his puke entered our public water supply! Wow! We're so lucky!
Throwing up on stage is no biggie. It's happened to plenty of females, like Adele, Lady Gaga, Katy Perry, Rihanna and most recently, Justin Bieber. The difference is, Bieber didn't run off stage like the other girls, so we got to watch this video over and over and over and over. No wonder it accumulated like a billion views in a few hours. It's delightful.
Bieber gets a pass, however, because he isn't bulimic and (probably) isn't pregnant. He was clearly poisoned by Tempe pop culture thieves MAN-CAT, as explained in this informative video by the Association for Artistic Integrity:
Fiona Apple's Pot Bust
Fiona refused to open her eyes. :(
Texas border towns are the worst and you'd think your tour bus driver would know that. Unfortunately for Fiona Apple, she didn't avoid Sierra Blanca, a little shitstain of a town that is infamous for busting musicians with drugs. Apple, like Willie Nelson and Snoop Dogg before her, was taken into custody for having a tiny amount of pot and hash.
Apple later told a crowd in Houston that she had evidence against the cops that laughed at her all night, that she had written in code, torn up and put into two lock boxes. Um, OK. The sheriff responded, saying he was "already more famous than her" and continued to laugh at her. Just in case we aren't clear here, these men dragged this woman off a bus, ridiculed her all night in a cage and are now demanding money like some kind of backwards kidnappers. All because she was in possession of a harmless plant.
Future generations are not going to look back on prohibitionists kindly. Whenever you have those old timey snapshots of puritans smashing barrels of Budweiser in the street, you probably think it's insane. What excessive exercise of power and greed! What incredible shortsightedness! What a waste of perfectly good beer!
This year's legalization of marijuana for recreational use in Colorado and Washington were landmark moves because it's made this country a little fucking normal again. It's a war against drugs and half-baked stoners and little weeds from the Hindu Kush mountains are winning! The more police forces persecute normal, hard-working folks like this, the more idiotic they'll look to future generations. After all, 15,000 years of cannabis consumption the world over hasn't stopped people from safely enjoying themselves in the best possible way that doesn't involve pregnancy: getting baked.