Intended Zing: Maynard James Keenan Would Like You To Stop Effin' Around

Maynard_column .jpg
I base my life and my movements throughout it on quite a few assumptions. These may or may not be accurate, factual, or even realistic. And until they actually prove themselves to be inaccurate, I follow them without question. (Insert silly comment about assuming here.)

Today's rant is centered on one of my previous assumptions regarding one's chosen path.
As children, we do things. Sometimes, the things we do are met with accolades from the
surrounding huge people. And in chasing more of these overly animated approvals, we begin the long process of repeating and honing the actions praised.

See also:

Villagers
Events and Rituals
What is Puscifer?
Rochambeau Myself
These Are The "End of Days"
Maynard James Keenan (Puscifer, Tool, A Perfect Circle) on The Importance of Keeping It Local

The assumption is that these early spark sparks drive us toward a particular path. And that as our years click on, we either consciously or unconsciously find our way toward a career based on these little successes.

Whether we've come by these accolades through predisposed natural talent or by blood,
sweat, and tears is of no consequence. The assumption is that we've continued on the
path because of the balance between praise and passion, and that we strive each day to
do better at our chosen task. I used to believe this. I was wrong. Apparently,
this perspective applies only to a handful of people.

It came up the other day while speaking with Sarah, with whom I'm working on my semi-autobiography. She was tasked with covering the new Puscifer EP announcement
for my hometown newspaper. She'd been browsing through some press clippings from
recent years, and after the business end of our conversation, she commented on how
forthcoming I was during her interview. She said it stood in direct contrast to some
-- but not all -- of my tight-lipped discourse she'd found online. Her guess was that the journalists in question lacked enthusiasm.

Her understatement was correct. This is not the case with all journalists I've encountered,
but unfortunately, it's the norm. The awesome writers strike up a conversation
and my publicist has to cut us off 'cuz we're having too much fun. We call these people
journalists. The lazy ones have a list of questions to which they've already anticipated the answers, so they don't bother listening to my responses. We call these people never again.



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60 comments
pizzahunter2011
pizzahunter2011

Maynard needs to take his own advice and "Stop Effin' Around". We all realize he is busy with his wine and his more preferred band Puscifer, but when it comes to the band that pretty much started it all, Tool, Maynard sure seems to be effin' around. Maybe it's the other band members fault. Or maybe Maynard is just too busy to help his good ol' band mates come up with new ideas.

Whatever the case may be, Tool has definitely been on the back burner for quite a while. Only one album has been released by Tool in the last 12 years. Any normal self-respecting band that has such a colossal gap surrounding their last album would certainly have broken up (if not broken up and re-formed) by now.

So please stop effing around Maynard. If you're done with Tool just effing let your fans know so they can effing move on. Remember the good ol' bands like Nirvana, AIC, etc? They went out with a bang, at least for the most part. It was pretty sad at the time but at least people were able to keep that love of their fallen hero and remember them as they were. But all I can hear in your words is how you've apparently grown up and grown old and become everything that any rock and roll fan hates about their stuck up, judgmental, dogmatic, demanding, and even hypocritical authority figures/bosses.

We could have dedicated our lives to living up to someone else’s expectations. And we did. But how long should this have gone on before we found out how utterly futile our dedication was? 5 and half years? 10 years? 20 years? The beckon to live up to that ideal of being "professional" is extremely tempting. Taking pride in your work is great. But what happens when you find yourself dedicating your life to something such as 'being the best damn fast food worker you can be'? What happens when you wake up and realize you're a nobody who can't even afford his rent and has no real friends and no romance because he's been working way too hard to focus on such endeavors? Even forming a relationship with any co-workers would be uncouth as the advice goes "you shouldn’t date your co-workers". Every single authority figure you knew made rule after rule after rule after rule after rule. And you found yourself in a microscopic box. What happens when you realize that your corporate overseers constantly seek to milk every last ounce of energy you have making things much much harder than they have to be, screwing with your efficiency? What happens when you realize that you have no f***ing say in the matter and that your balls are practically stapled to the wall? What happens when management changes and suddenly every thing you took years to learn gets ridiculed and thrown out the window? I could go on.

Perhaps you'd quit your job and hope to form a band similar to Tool and in that band you would write a lot of whiney songs about how you wish things weren’t the way they were. Maybe you'd realize you had something good going and start to realize everything wasn’t as bleak as you thought. But how could you possibly criticize the means to your end? And forming a great band might be absolutely unrealistic for any regular shmuck like me. It's more akin to winning the lottery. Merely finding the musicians to form this imaginary band would be an accomplishment in of itself.

As for those journalists you seem to loath so much; maybe you already realize that pretending to be enthusiastic is one of the most irritating part of any job, especially if you’re not a big shot and you have people who oversee you constantly throwing their stones around occasionally hitting you in the face. It's not like a rock-star such as yourself is expected to be in such a 'great enthusiastic mood' or even forthcoming in his interviews. Even if people do judge you for it, your job doesn't depend on it.

Maybe you’re right and it truly is a black and white division between "lazies and non-lazies". If this is the case then perhaps all of us are just extremely jealous of those lazy people's great skill at kissing ass and somehow keeping their job. Maybe they are banging their boss or just have friends in the company. I've encountered situations where people did just that. However those people, while demanding the best out of me, always seemed to get their way for (SOME) reason. All their words of inspiration and enthusiasm and professionalism made a hell of a lot of sense. Until I realized they were just leading me along like a sheep. I would have never taken their place because in the end I would have never stooped to their level of banging the boss. Bottom line is they made their own rules. Leaders are people who are egocentric and arrogant enough to make their own rules and insist other people should follow.

In the end there really wasn't any reason for "lazies" to give us their dedication. Maybe their modus operandi was right all along and we were the ones who were just being tools. Money is money. And maybe their lack of enthusiasm had a LOT to do with the fact that Maynard James EFFING Keenan is by far, not the greatest story they will ever cover. It's possible no one will even notice. Why waste effort on a story that isn’t big enough, if your goal is to become a news anchor or something? It's not like they spit in your face either. They just weren't super amped up like you demanded they should be. Is that even a requirement of a journalist to be super effing pumped up? NEXT ON YOUR LOCAL NEWS: HULK HOGAN EXPLAINS THE FINER INTRICASIES OF HOW FACTORY WORKERS SPOT AND DISPOSE OF DEFECTIVE PRODUCTS COMING OFF THE ASSEMBLY LINE.

Maybe you should start a christian "rock" band or become a preacher Maynard and tell these people that it's their job to live up to every whim of yours(and god's). Just kidding, you've practically turned into something far worse, a hypocrite.

pizzahunter2011
pizzahunter2011

FEEL FREE TO DELETE THESE COMMENTS BUT ONLY IF YOU CHOOSE TO ALLOW PEOPLE TO SEE MY REAL COMMENT. - THE FIRST COMMENT.

pizzahunter2011
pizzahunter2011

AND FOR SOME CHRIST FUCKING REASON ITS DISPLAYING GAY ADVERTISEMENTS TO ME.GUESS WHAT ASSHOLES IM NOT A FAGGOT . IM NOT FUCKING GAy.IM NOT QUEER I AM A MAN. STOP SHOWING ME PICTURES OF SHAVED CHESTED UGLY FAGGOT MEN CUDDLING EACH OTHER.

pizzahunter2011
pizzahunter2011

this fucking website is glitchy and im done trying to post my FUCKING GOD DAMN COMMENT BECAUSE YOU GUYS ARE A BUNCH OF ADVERTISEMENT WHORES WHO ARENT EVEN DISPLAYING MY COMMENT TO ANYONE. I CANT SEE MY COMMENT UNLESS I LOG INTO MY ACCOUNT WHICH MEANS THIS ENTIRE WEBSITE IS A SCAM.

holyfootsteps
holyfootsteps

"Out of respect for this publication and its investors, I have used the socially acceptable term 'zombie' in the above paragraph in place of that Fox News trademark, 'pinheads.' We, the Sybil-equivalent authors, highly suggest you go back and read theparagraph aloud with the voice of Bill O'Reilly in place. It will give the piece the intended oomph, zing, and rage it is currently missing and desperately deserves. so much."But seriously, did Maynard just divide the world into (in two) black and white "lazies vs non-lazies?" I could have sworn he was more of a shades of gray kind of guy. "To say a person is a coward has no more meaning than to say he is lazy: It simply tells us that some vital potentiality is unrealized or blocked." - Rollo May

Aldous
Aldous

"When did mediocrity and banality become a good image for your children?" Since excessive beneficence became a requirement for heavenly acceptance, which let the apathetic feed off of this dictum, which drained the ambitious of potential efficiency. So the common trait has become mediocrity: work the minimum and receive recognition for doing so while demanding that others give a part of what they are justly entitled to in order to cover for sluggish incompetencies. So it goes.

tiffanyabrown
tiffanyabrown

Great insights; I think about this topic a lot too. "Mediocrity" is a common theme with Umair Haque who is a blogger for the Harvard Business Review (@umairh). You may enjoy this post here: http://blogs.hbr.org/haque/2011/10/america_excelling_at_mediocrit.html There's also Tom Friedman who wrote the book "The World is Flat," which provides a nice macro level overview of why America is falling behind. The basic jist of it is that America has become complacent in an era where everyone else across the globe now has the tools to compete, with much more incentive to get ahead. Finally, Seth Godin (another great author) talks a lot about the fading industrial era that's shaped many of our institutions and the pressing need for innovation and change. You may like this post in particular: http://sethgodin.typepad.com/seths_blog/2011/09/the-forever-recession.html 

Os Jjr Pro Ase
Os Jjr Pro Ase

Ive been a big fan of tool and maynard since 1996 and I find it very weird and odd that maynard suddenly opens up and talks about his life, Its not like his usual self. I even disliked maynard sometimes because he acts so stuck up sometmes. Good luck to him on his disconnection from his tool fans. -sad fan

cristyparkersmith
cristyparkersmith

Which makes a hell of a lot more sense and actually wasn't an act of effin around. I haven't seen the first foodsource or parcel of land on the net. But people eff around, fighting over it day after day after day.

cristyparkersmith
cristyparkersmith

Speaking of effin around....does anybody remember what we used to fight over before the almighty internet came along? Anybody???

kwxxx.ooo
kwxxx.ooo

It is the age of give me mine and effin majick the rest. Entitlement, Jesus Complex, and What's the Point cause YOLO rue the day.   Learn to Swim...

BloodEagle
BloodEagle

What I love about Maynard's writing is his liberal use of caveats. It's an interesting approach to ponder. All his insights are generally prefaced with a user-warning in some hilarious attempt at self-awareness. A Maynard sentence, on a structural level, often goes something like this:

'Whilst I haven't got a fucking clue about these issues and I can only form an opinion based on countless erroneous assumptions, I think that ......blah blah blah yadda yadda.'

Maybe you should take a step back after the comma, Maynard. Take a breath. Ask yourself what right you have to finish that sentence.This is your job, dude. Make an effort to be good at it.

thepot42
thepot42

Looking foward to reading the bio

krkindred33
krkindred33

Does anyone ever wonder if Maynard trolls his own posts just for shits and giggles?  Whatever, it is funny.  I don't like some of what Blood Eagle says but I can't NOT read what is posted next to that name, so acerbic it is funny.  I am sure that probably makes me kind of an ass...so I'm in good company, lol.

Hekate
Hekate

Umm, am I the only person envisioning a zombie movie set in AZ, with Maynard as the lead zombie hunter?? Post apocalyptic, nothing left but wine, shotguns, and a zany crew of zombie hunting farmers. Throw in a pair of boobs and a thumping soundtrack and it will do better than any Robert Rodriguez film. 

jojowhatever
jojowhatever

Take my money! When is this semi-autobiography coming? I can only watch Blood into Wine so many times before people around me start debating about an intervention.

markusdj47
markusdj47

Maynard,

I want to thank you for being an challenging and fun interview. I really enjoyed the 20 or so minutes we chatted. Markus

gcruz69az
gcruz69az

You sir, are fucking spot on! I do look forward to your "rants"!

scubiedoo
scubiedoo

Thank you.  I appreciate this very much.  I'm in a time of transition and change myself -- and your point hits home on many levels.  

I'm also very excited to hear of your upcoming semi-autobiography and can't wait for Donkey Punch the Night. 

XO,

Emily

davidsdear
davidsdear

Great article!!  I have noticed this for awhile now at my job.  Unfortunately, all those whiners and criers seem to be the ones to get their way and promoted.  Drives me nuts.  Hard work and knowing every aspect of your job just doesn't seem to matter theses days.  for some reason I still continue to do these things.  

klepto
klepto

I agree chicken little. Fuck the fucking slack off time wasters. On the other hand I could say you can do your job a little better. My celler is all out of lei li! What the heck happened this year? I have to request that you and the Glomstinator increase production on it. And sorry to hear about all the cabernet sauvignon you lost. I'm glad I got my Judith early! Anyway I know you bust your fucking ass. Keep up the good work and ill keep drinking.

MotherRosetta
MotherRosetta

Mr. Keenan, are you showing your age or are you a rarity among today's youth? The past two blogs you have written have come dangerously close to political in nature if one wishes to travel that course but I shan't digress.

I have had the opportunity to work with my son during my early barista days and I would rant to him why it seems that those who do their work and beyond never seemed to be appreciated. He told me it was because I tried too hard. This is the mindset among teens, do only as much as you need to to get by and your work life is great. But no matter how hard I didn't try I could not compromise. It paid off in the end though as I became manager of one shop within 10 months and area manager in 14. And it wasn't from kissing ass, it was from busting it. I do agree with you that it stems from up-bringing or however much attention (your accolades) is being paid to the child. But I must say from my experience in the workforce there must be one hell of a lot of lazy parents. And it's only going to get worse because of the "E" word.

Enjoying your blogs and looking forward to your semibiography!  ;o)

curio72
curio72

I feel this way about the nursing profession. Many realtors and whatnots became nurses when the economy crashed. It is a 2 year program I have been waiting 2 years to attend. I see effers who have never really been in a clinical setting beyond their training shadowing me a grunt happily paid in peanuts looking to gain knowledge. While some people who have made this "career" switch are experiencing a life changing moment. Others last a few months and move on to the next big thing leaving the Patients negative, uncaring experience in their wake. I will continue to wait for my turn in the coveted Arizona Nursing Program. When I finish, I will treat nursing as my Profession, not just a job that pays the bills. as I do now.

n2witchn
n2witchn

Lucky, lucky Sarah!  I would LOVE to be involved in any type of MJK biography and I am excited to hear that there is one in the works.  A lot of my friends don't understand my fascination and they think it's all about "star-effing" but I try to explain that I'd just love to sit down and talk with him, pick his brain, compare notes about what makes us tick and perhaps write a book about the experience.  The passion that comes through in his work is what fuels the attraction, which - in my opinion - is how it should be.  I get a lot of praise for my writing but I've never found the time to get it into the public eye.  This little blog entry might just be the catalyst I need to follow my passion.

quadchamp
quadchamp

@pizzahunter2011 I dont think this is the case at all. I think he, and possibly the rest of the members, have all evolved as humans as happens with everyone else. What motivated me 15 years ago doesnt motivate me today, and my priorities today will change 15 years from now... They are making a new album, this is a fact. As a true artist, it takes time to make a masterpiece, and these guys have created many masterpieces. They're all in their 50's now bud. As you start to age, you sip more wine and slam less beer. You dont go looking for sex, you let it happen... Relax dude, the next album will get here when it does, and it will surely be another fine piece of work.

lucyfuer
lucyfuer

bill hicks an americn hero  brilliant and my guardian angel, james lucky to have met him while he was here in the flesh, obviously bill took to him giving him the rites to sell his art, puscifer the store in jerome has an entire wall of all hicks memoribilia ,  undertow mentions hicks aenima is a tribute to him and hicks is alive and still creating humor makin people think and pissing off the facicrats major record labels and networks hate these artists because they question authority and speak the truth ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

lucyfuer
lucyfuer

i understand how you feel at times i also feel that he and his insults about tool fans well, their griss for the mill, tool is where james got his infamy and apc puscifer well tool was his start and at times im the geek who will quote him or a journalist that interviews him,, correcting the content as i have read it published , now we know james satircal sense of humor, but his heart his love for his mother and his vineyards a living tribute to judith marie, i did make a mistake and took some of his posts literally and was hurt to find that it was a joke with intended barbs, however my abilty to be humilated has been perfected in the years of the tango of the freak and we have come to understand who is sincere the intention and the love ,,

NOTaHippie
NOTaHippie

It's not odd to me. He's not a young man.He has a very busy venture - his winery and is responsible for many employees. I would guess, and it's only my lowly opinion, that the biggest game changer for MJK has been getting married this year to some one who shares and contributes to his Life's Work. Which isn't defined by TOOL fans. He has a clear vision and a plan to get there. He seems content and god forbid, happy lol. So he opens up to about ideas/musings/etc that appeal to him. Instead of writing lyrics, he's writing a blog.

lucyfuer
lucyfuer

which sibling sat shogun while traveling to the 5 and dime store using our greenstamps to get a barbi doll or a ken doll, hehe, sometimes we fought over candy , i saved mine and my siblings always gobbled theirs than wanted mine,, which i was forced to give by a perimenupausl mom throwing cast iron pans into our fireplace stone and brick heating source, farm life was a good life for the most part and harvest time was killer

BloodEagle
BloodEagle

@n2witchn you do realise that you are exactly the type of person maynard cannot stand? he is praying for a zombie apocalypse so he can blow your head off.

lucyfuer
lucyfuer

blood eagleturd , what gives you the skinny on how james feels, about anyperson. unless he himself told you,,,,,,,,,,and i think his salival timothy leary bill hicks and many other amazing souls which he encorperates into his art, shows you that he does care and he hates ignoarance he dislikes people who prey on the ignorance of others, and he is also learning and evolving as we go, so lets say let james point the finger despite his many lyrical antithese about pointing fingers and judging the pot push it, hush, all his articles revolver editor brandon geist a great fellow, and many other artist that surround james are beautiful people that i have been blessed to know and share, im forever greatful to james for that ,  thanks

jojowhatever
jojowhatever

You are spot on BloodEagle. I especially loved this part - "I'd just love to sit down and talk with him, pick his brain, compare notes about what makes us tick" - because Maynard is totally interested in what's makes a diehard Tool fan tick. Hey, why don't you ask Maynard on Twitter n2witchn? I hear he loves that type of thing. Tell him you just want to "pick his brain" - no one has ever thought of this before, he will be blown away and immediately whisk you off to Arizona to move in with him and his family and ask you to please document everything you see to write your award-winning book from your scribbles. I bet he'll let you take pictures when he takes his morning dump.

Futant
Futant

Yes,  @BloodEagle you are soooo much better than @n2witchn. You are far superior & SO cool. The only difference is that you are like the angsty kid who says they "hate their parents so much" when really all they want is theirattention. Face facts. No matter how fast you reply to these articles orhow much you troll MJK's social media you are not going to get aresponse from the man or even have your crap read by him. This is why you settle for just trying to piss off his fans instead. I'm sure MJK would love to hear all the ways he has disappointed you & what he could do to win back your admiration. I'm pretty sure he has addressed people like you years ago, may I suggest changing your nusername to "Hooker with a Penis"?

n2witchn
n2witchn

@BloodEagle @n2witchn I would have to disagree with you there if you're basing your assumption on the context of this article.  I am not a whiner or a moaner.  I'm an engineer and I am good at what I do to make money.  I make an effort to do my job well and provide for myself.  I don't think Maynard wants to blow all of his fans' heads off.  Perhaps we have just interpreted his analogies differently...

BloodEagle
BloodEagle

@Futant May I suggest you change your username to 'quacking retard'?

MotherRosetta
MotherRosetta

@Uggggghhhhh I was referring to n2witchn's original gushing comment. The facial expression I put at the end of my own comment is a smiling, winking face. Take a closer look, the circle depicts my nose with a smile beneath it. And I don't recall saying I'm superior to anyone, only annoyed at those who dawdle at the workplace. I comment on here after blogs Mr. Keenan writes only if I have something to say. It's called an opinion and you know that they're like, assholes, everybody has one.  Whether Mr. Keenan reads it or not I cannot say. If YOU do not like what I write then skip over it. Other than that may I suggest you take an anger management course or perhaps a simple dose of Midol may help.

BloodEagle
BloodEagle

@Uggggghhhhh I think you need to see a doctor. You sound ill.

Uggggghhhhh
Uggggghhhhh

@MotherRosetta Your "subconscious" analogy makes no sense. Pretty sure @n2witchn  was quoting the article & the comment VERBATIM. But because @n2witchn  may be a woman, THEIR own words make her a "groupie". You found the sexual undertones & also ended your comment with a ; O face... Subconscious BJ reference? GROUPIE!! Kidding, but why do people posting feel the need to place themselves on a pedestal while insulting others here? Whats the point? I'm not defending anyone but your coffee shop management skills & @BloodEagle  ridiculous trolling abilities hardly make you superior to ANYONE. Why do you think MJK gives a shit exactly? Or anyone else for that matter. Keep your negative bullsh*t amongst yourselves & keep reminding each other how special you both are.

MotherRosetta
MotherRosetta

@n2witchn @BloodEagle I am sorry but I can't stop laughing. With stars in the eyes and words such as "moaner" and "blow" being subconsciously thrown about could one use the term "groupie" to describe you?

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