Katy Perry Gives The Worst Sex Advice Ever

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Watching the trailer for Katy Perry's movie, Part of Me, raised a lot of questions: Why is this movie in 3D? Why does it exist? Why am I forced to watch this in the theater for Moonrise Kingdom? Why God, why?

But what I wondered most is why the preview totally ignores Perry's fundamental nastiness.

In the film, Perry's life story is somehow twisted into an inspiration for young females. Why they'd want to be a "firework" is a pertinent question, because those explode and fizzle out into nothingness. But besides that, Katy Perry is about as good a role model as Charles Manson or Hunter S. Thompson, or fuck it, even me (read: those are not good role models).

Judging from her lyrics, Perry really likes sex. And there's nothing wrong with that, right? But so does Sasha Grey, and at least the pornstar reads Jean-Paul Satre. If I had to choose who to talk to over coffee, it wouldn't be the Teenage Dream queen -- there's just no substance there (plus, Sasha Grey's into music). I can't imagine even chatting with Perry, so the idea of taking advice of any kind from Perry is the juice of nightmares, especially sex advice. Let me explain.

Peacock

I'm divided if this song is genius or middle school lunch hour (considering Katy Perry penned a song called "Ur So Gay," I'm thinking the latter.) But Katy almost found a way to say "cock" on the radio, once again proving how incredibly stupid the Federal Communications Commission is. Can we fire these airwave hawks already and take back a tiny shred of the First Amendment? The FCC won't let the Rolling Stones sing "You're a starfucker" but just because she doesn't say the word, Katy can babble on about how eager she is to gaggle at a C-O-C-K.

Turns out, this song is full of terrible, terrible advice. Obviously, in the song, Katy has just loaded up at the bar and probably popped a couple Valiums. Now she's as horny as a jackrabbit on Viagra and has just got to see the goods before she commits to dragging this cornered loser home. But don't do it, man! If a girl asks you to whip out your lizard in public, you could be slapped with all kinds of fines, risk a minimum of six years in prison and even end up on one of those pedo lists.

In fact, the laws in this backwards country are so fucked up, you can get on one of those lists just for taking a tinkle in public. Can you imagine? I piss in public all the time, once even spraying my urine all over a ragtop convertible Mercedes-Benz. I was very, very pissed (as in drunk), but I didn't get caught, so my mugshot won't be mailed to my new neighbors every time I move. You, however, should not heed Katy's lust-filled, drunken advice. Like your alcoholic aunt might say if she catches you groping a girl at a pool party, "Get a fucking room, you shitheads. And use a fucking condom."


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24 comments
laurarparks
laurarparks

....and thats whats wrong with our society today.  thinkin celebrities are role models. sheesh. hasnt anyone ever thought of thinking for themselves rather than relying on some "famous" person for direction?


jesus
jesus

Truth: Hunter S. Thompson makes for a fine role model.  You, sir, are both confused and incorrect.

megandinchak2
megandinchak2

Making music for 5th graders SHOULD NOT involve explicit lyrics, whic is written by what reads like a 10-year-old's note they passed in class. Muted, of course, I pushed play and read lyrics that are simply repulsive. She's supposed to be a role model???? There's gonna be an increase in kids have babies and STDs if "role models" like said performer are continually condoned for releasing mainstream music that says, "Hey kids! It's okay to [do what Katy is doing]."

 

The writer made a GREAT point--how can anyone disagree? He makes a valid point and the lyrics written by one "TEENAGE dream" pop star ought to be X-rated. I wouldn't want my underage kid lip-synching this, would you? 

azlefti
azlefti

Troy your little rant is cliched and stale.  You write is if you have the  insight as to what is "hip" and  meaningful;  yet all your writings show is that you are a immature poser  who is unable to write meaningful dialog and instead must substitute  pretentious prose peppered with profanity so that it appears edgy and meaningful!

 

I also believe that there is a large amount of envy that Ms. Perry has been able to be commercially successful  unlike you!    

 

In a few years with your talent you will be writing humor columns for Readers Digest

Sean
Sean

"But so does Sasha Grey, and at least the pornstar reads Jean-Paul Satre. If I had to choose who to talk to over coffee, it wouldn't be the Teenage Dream queen -- there's just no substance there (plus, Sasha Grey's into music). "

 

I have to assume you're into necrophilia, since Sasha Grey has all the personality of a moldering corpse. Reading Satre only signals that she's pretentious, not intelligent. 

cinthyaeperry
cinthyaeperry

Youre so pathetic!!! Look at you... you have to waste your time sayin how much you hate Katy Perry.... insted to do something that really could aport to the society!!!..... #BadAss!

.... So if you dont like Katy Perry..... and i dont sayin this because of the SHIT that made this article....im sayin this because of ALL the PEOPLE that dont like Katy Perry but they are so informated about her... that they can also write a book about her!!!.... i mean c'mmn... WAKE UP...YOU (ALL) OBVIOUSLY LOVE KATY PERRY!!!......

-Elizabeth Perry

MsLettieMae
MsLettieMae

@PoemTrees @PHXmusicdotcom I herd she aint neva kissed a girl!

Jason Roberts
Jason Roberts

Sorry! but I won't have sex with her after getting together with that annoying, dirty, greasy haired moron Russell Brand.

jayman42000
jayman42000

" She has been a great influence to much of the younger generation"  HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.funny really funny.Let me ask what would you do? if say you had a little girl lets say 10 and she had a little boy over to play and from her room you hear "show me your peacock" idk about you but id be in her room asking her "whats going on in here?" .Now lets say it was a girl that was over and from her room you hear."i kissed a girl" id be there asking "what did you do?" i'm not saying that kissing a girl is wrong or that sex is wrong but to say its a "great influence to much of the younger generation"  i find that messed up.and don't write back saying how i'm "bashing on you(rca13dogs) just know i'm pointing out that what your saying i don't think is right and saying Kim and Snooki don't matter.everyone matters to someone.so yes to someone Kim and Snooki matter just not to you witch is fine don't mean they should be bashed on.i don't like Kim or Snooki but they are still people with feelings.last thing this is not bashing on Katy Perry all this says is that she gives bad sex advice.

rca13dogs
rca13dogs

you are stupid, you have nothing better to do than to bash on someone who is so much more adored and sought after. She has been a great influence to much of the younger generation and you choose to bash her just because you want to get noticed by people online, you are truly a waist of human space. Go and bash on someone else that doesn't matter, like Kim or Snooki.

alsssssssssssss
alsssssssssssss

This is a ridiculously stupid article.  "Peacock" says nothing about drunkenness or being in public.  You're projecting if you think it does.  As for your assertion that she didn't record "I Do Not Hook Up" because she couldn't pull it off with a straight face, there are other songs on her first album with the same indication, for example in "One of the Boys" when she says "but not until you give me my diamond ring," and in "If You Can Afford Me" she talks about how she's not a one-night stand.  Just because she sings about sex a lot doesn't mean she goes around sleeping with random guys.  Not that it would be any of your business if she does.  Furthermore, Katy doesn't claim to be straight; Barbara Walters asked her that.  You can have a boyfriend and still see a girl you want to kiss.  And if that feeling is so foreign to you that you don't think it's possible, then maybe her song did have an original message after all.

John LaBarbera
John LaBarbera

Ah, the classic "I don't care so why should anyone ever" comment. Also, your comment completely disregards that this is less about Miss Perry, and more about a good piece of analytic journalism.

megandinchak2
megandinchak2

 @azlefti Just curious why you're attacking the writer and his writing style over content that you just simply don't agree with. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. I don't agree with yours and wouldn't dream of attacking you over it. Just food for thought.

 

megandinchak2
megandinchak2

 @cinthyaeperry This makes no sense... kinda like the lyrics I just read from that crude song. I take it you're a fan?

 

megandinchak2
megandinchak2

 @rca13dogs

 How is the writer bashing on Ms. Perry? He simply posted lyrics to her song and said the obvious--it's bad sex advice! Do you think it's good sex advice?

 

By the way.. "waist" refers to a stomach, such as one's waistline. Waste is garbage.

rca13dogs
rca13dogs

 @megandinchak2  @rca13dogs do you know how to read? His entire article just attacks Katy, go re-read it. Not every single one of her songs is about sex, Peacock is the only song that has a sexual connotation and its not even a single so get lost retarded b!tch. You don't matter either so why don't you go back to whatever backwards retarded soccer mom suburb you probably came from. No one is going to stop listening to her music just because of one song with suggestive lyrics. If you don't want your dumb child to listen to this type of music then don't let them, all these parents have no one else to blame but themselves! They have the power to filter everything kids hear and see on TV and the radio, which from the last point this song wasn't airing on the radio, EVER! I do believe its good sex advice by the way.

rca13dogs
rca13dogs

 @megandinchak2 No one cares what you do for a living, my job doesn't matter so neither should yours. You are nobody to decide what is or is not ethical. And if your focus is on EDM then keep it there, your opinions are inadmissible. Also why would an editor ever use acronyms, not even I use acronyms. 

megandinchak2
megandinchak2

 @rca13dogs  @megandinchak2 Lol--I'm an editor, so I write for a living. I have no children and am in my 20s.. focused on EDM, not mainstream music. Her songs are marketed towards teenagers and are not appropriate for the targeted age group. To me, this is unethical.

 

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