The Five People You'll Meet at Country Thunder

Categories: Lists

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Benjamin Leatherman
That's right.
Two years ago, yours truly embarked on finding a real country experience that didn't lead me into the backwoods of some quaint southern town, but rather out into a barren field in Florence. I was alone. I was scared. I was wearing flip flops, at the risk of getting my tootsies stomped by the cowboy boots that only get love once a year.

I went to Country Thunder.

Not considering myself a country music fan, (unless you're willing to swap Toby Keith for Ryan Bingham) I set out for an experience I'll likely never forget. Typically I subscribe to the "if you can't beat 'em, join 'em" attitude, (Don't believe me? Ask GWAR fans.) but at this particular event, I remained a spectator. I still insist it was for my own safety.

As you or your friends head out to the annual shitkicker fest this weekend to see Big and Rich, Jake Owen, Kellie Pickler, Sawyer Brown, Steve Holy, Sara Jean Kelley, Blake Shelton, Thompson Square, Joe Nichols, Neal McCoy, & The Farm, Alan Jackson, The Band Perry, Phil Vassar, Brett Eldredge, and JT Hodges, just know that you'll meet one or more of these characters. Be prepared.

Country Thunder started yesterday, and runs Friday, Saturday, and Sunday, April 13-15, at Canyon Moon Ranch Grounds in Florence, Arizona.

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Benjamin Leatherman
Pulling off outfits their grandmothers might have worn.
The Sorority Girl Turned Daisy Duke

I'm going to go ahead and say you can blame porn and Jessica Simpson for this one. This little lady comes to Country Thunder for two reasons -- to get drunk and to become the object of your diluted fantasy in which women from the south fit into size six cutoffs. It might be sexy if their moms and grandmothers didn't do the same thing. It's a bit of a Country Thunder cliché, but this festival is all about perpetuating the fun loving country stereotypes.

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Benjamin Leatherman
Bros y'all.
Sweet Brome Alabama

The male counterpart to the ladies above, these guys skip the sexy, but don't scrimp on the booze. Often they'll suspenders and trucker hats for irony's sake. They'll be out in the dirt parking lot "pre-gaming" for most of the festival. They'll eventually come around for The Band Perry and Blake Shelton, shouting "Freebird" the whole time.

The Actual Country Music Fans

They'll be the ones keeping to themselves and actually watching the performances. They'll be far, far away when the "Hot GILF" contest takes place. (I'm serious. This was a thing when I was there.)

Location Info

Map

Canyon Moon Ranch Grounds

20585 E. Price Road, Florence, AZ

Category: General


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32 comments
lisa c.
lisa c.

I truly hope you don't think that "Country Thunder" defines all country music fans.

CHARTER OAK
CHARTER OAK

The women you meet at country thunder dont look like the ones in your picture. they women at country thunder are mostly very fat and ugly with very pale white skin and there is nothing sexy about them at all.

Im sleepy
Im sleepy

They should change the name from kountry thunder to desert city boredom. 

Squeallikeapig
Squeallikeapig

Will that fat shirtless queer in the cowboy hat in the top picture be there? if so I wanna ram my big long hard country cock deep into his sweet looking cowboy ass and hear him squeal like a pig!

George Jones Fan
George Jones Fan

After reading all these posts im gonna have to agree with hank on this one.

HANK 3
HANK 3

To hear real country music click here..........www.hank3.com or www.rebel-son.com. welcome to real true country music.

WANEE FEST
WANEE FEST

If you wanna have a real good musical time for 3 days go to www.waneefestival.com.  this is where the real musically hip party and people in America will be next weekend.

Concerned Music Fan
Concerned Music Fan

One thing you would have seen previously:  an insufferably hip writer who was way too cool to enjoy themself.  And, quite likely, would easily make a "5 people you'll meet at..." article when hipster clothes and acting super cool are things to make fun of instead..

HANK 3
HANK 3

Things you will see at country thunder , city slickers dressed up like a bunch of jack asses playing weekend cowboy and cowgirl.

HANK 3
HANK 3

A real true living southern country boy and his band you will not see at country thunder, THE CHARLIE DANIELS BAND

HANK 3
HANK 3

A living true country music legend you will not see at country thunder,MERLE HAGGARD.

HANK 3
HANK 3

  Long Dead Gone true country musicians you will not see at country thunder, WAYLON JENNINGS,JOHNNY CASH, JOHNNY PAYCHECK.

HANK 3
HANK 3

 Chicks you will not meet at country thunder, rowdy drunk southern girls who like to get drunk and fuck in an open field.

Hillbilly
Hillbilly

 What a bunch of  ugly cornball looking idiots in those picture. I would be ashamed to be a part of that culture of inbred retards in cornball clothes.  you give true country people a bad name looking like that. not even a person wearing overalls in any of those pictures. real country boys and hillbilly's have long hair and beards and wear overalls. or go to the hollers of eastern Kentucky for proof.

HANK 3
HANK 3

A real true southern redneck band you will not hear at country thunder, REBEL SON from North Carolina  or David Allen Coe and his band.

HANK 3
HANK 3

Other country / southern hillbilly music you will not hear at country thunder, bluegrass music.

HANK 3
HANK 3

Things you will not drink or see at country thunder, a plastic gallon jug of maricopa country moonshine.  made right here in maricopa county Arizona.

HANK 3
HANK 3

Flags you will not see flying proudly in the wind at country thunder, the southern confederate flag of old Dixie also known as the stars and bars. true country music was born in the Dixie states of the southern USA.

HANK 3
HANK 3

Real country music you will not hear at country thunder, HANK WILLIAMS THE 3RD AND HIS BAND

HANK 3
HANK 3

Music you will hear at country thunder, Pop Music with steel guitars and a fiddle pretending to be real country music.

HANK 3
HANK 3

 Music you will not hear at country thunder, REAL COUNTRY MUSIC!

HANK 3
HANK 3

People you will not meet at country thunder, COUNTRY PEOPLE!

NO SHOW MIKE
NO SHOW MIKE

 its all made in CHINA so dont look at this website. SUPPORT AMERICAN MADE PRODUCTS ONLY!

WANEE FEST
WANEE FEST

Wanee Fest the Woodstock of the South

Kinfolk
Kinfolk

  How in the Hell is a good old long haired unedumacated country boy suppose to understand all that smart ass college educated mumbo jumbo yuppie city talk? what the Hell are you talking about Boy? you need to explain yourself or your in for an ass kickin!

Woodstock 69er
Woodstock 69er

 At Woodstock in 1969 alot of people didnt wear clothes at all now that was fun. and it was real easy to get laid back then. chicks were actually nice and horny back then.

Billyjoe
Billyjoe

 Thats not gonna happen dude she looks like a city slicker from Scottsdale and they dont do thing like that. she looks like a good city girl not a wild bad country girl.

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