Getting Punched in the Boob Sucks: A Note on Girl Fights at Phoenix Shows

Brooke Valentine, "Girlfight"

You need to stop getting into fights at shows. I know lots of dudes like watching girl fights, but I'm going to speak on behalf of the gals: Getting punched in the boob sucks.

Unlike guys, we fight dirty. We kick, punch, slap, and scratch where it hurts. Aside from some deep-seated anger management issues, I'm baffled as to why there have been so many girl fights at Phoenix shows lately. Is there something in the water that is prompting Phoenicians to beat the shit out of each other? Full moon? Return of the Phoenix lights?

What?

Let's not blow this out of proportion. I go to a lot of shows, and I don't see fights too often. Most of the time, it's a couple of meatheads duking it out at a music festival. Wag your genre-hating fingers all you want, but fights are a rare occurrence at punk and hardcore shows, too. Sure, the kids love to run around in circles and punch unsuspecting floors, but most injuries happen by accident because by and large, people are civil.

(Just be careful where you flail your arms.)

You expect burly, drunk machos to throw down, but past couple of weeks I've seen stuff get violent between ladies at what should be the tamest of concert-going experiences: indie rock shows. Maybe everyone's vying for the affection of a cute singer, or Girl One is livid that Girl Two bought the same outfit from American Apparel and wore it better. Who knows?

Remember the Grimes show? I wasn't in attendance at that show, but reports indicate that a fight broke out in the girls' bathroom and cops were called.

While this was happening, I was at the Cursive show downtown, being shoved, tripped, and flipped off because I grabbed the setlist first.

I understand that snatching this mystical little piece of paper can be quite the competition -- I've seen plenty of people jump on Crescent's stage to get it -- but screaming every swear word in the book at someone for doing so is a little ridiculous. This girl was so mad that you'd think I murdered her puppy as an offering to Satan. Her night was ruined because she spent the rest of the encore bitching me out. Why waste your energy when most sound guys have a copy of the setlist?

Here's the low down on grabbing the setlist: Don't do it until the band is done playing the very last song on the list. Once the guitarist strums the final note and the singer says "good night," the setlist is fair game, just don't be a dick about it. Whoever touches it first keeps it, plain and simple.

Think of it like trying to catch a baseball. No matter how much you adore this object, it's not worth potentially hurting someone to get it. Also, if a child asks nicely for it, consider giving it up.