Herman Cain was served a tall order when this video leaked a few days ago. He's got a reputation to protect.
That reputation: Future Chief Executive Pizza Man and past Godfather's Pizza CEO. Damn it, Americans love pizza. Who is he to hide his affection toward the garnished bread?
He might as well embrace it. But it got us thinking about potential musical themes for the other GOP candidates. These can almost serve as wrestling theme-style intros as the candidates take the floor for debates.
Here are our pairings. Have other suggestions? Leave them in the comments.
Michele Bachmann - Buckcherry's "Crazy Bitch"
Why did you make me do this, Michele? Do you know how much I'd like to see a female president? What's your idea for fixing the economy again? Letting the unborn fetuses decide? Since you're just a WASP-y male candidate repackaged, I hate to say it, but this song totally applies.
Newt Gingrich - "Let's Call the Whole Thing Off"
You say his head looks like a potato, I say it looks like a poh-tah-toe. Maybe it's about time to take this song's advice, Newt?
Ron Paul - Pink Floyd's "Mother"
Ron Paul has a theme already written for him, apparently. I tend to think the lyrics "Mother should I run for president?/Mother should I trust the government?" apply. Even if he was elected, Ron Paul's answer would be a flat-out "no." Depending on your perspective, this one could also be relevant.
Mitt Romney and Rick Perry - Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen's "No One Tells The President What to Do."
These two somehow remind me of an episode of Futurama. Since it's not a song, I selected this Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen throwback. Just two twinsies daydreaming what it would be like to be president.