Interview with the Vampire: Bryan Lightningrod Speaks, Further Creeps

Categories: Q&A, Weird
BL.JPG
​Oh, dear god. What have I done?

Last week I wrote about my discovery of 37-year-old Chandler "scene" creep Bryan Lightningrod. I mean, "97-year-old vampire from Cairo" Bryan Lightningrod. Whatever. Same difference.

The point is, he solicits fan photos, regardless of their nature, and posts them to his Facebook, MySpace, Twitter, official website... Um, let's say Friendster? And Xanga? The dude is on every social networking site ever created, and plenty of those photos happen to be of half naked young girls.

We decided to give Count Lightningrod a chance at explaining his actions. After all, there's probably a justifiable reason for all of this jail bait smut, right?


Ehhhhh....

We gabbed in an e-mail about ethics, boners and the semantics of being a "cunt." (He still considers me one, as he mentioned in the first blog's comment section, although he says he "won't hold it against me." I'll take it!) 

Up On the Sun: Tell us a little bit about the show you have coming up on Sunday. What can people who attend expect?
 
Bryan Lightningrod: My performance on Sunday, August 21st at The Rhythm Room will be the live debut of the genre of  "Lightningrod." I will be accompanied by DJ Solo One and I have two go-go dancers lined up to dance, but don't be surprised if you don't see them there.
They are really sexy but I have trouble getting the sluts to show up to things.

I hope that the club's sound system will be able to express the deep bass lines within my music. You cannot fully appreciate my music on a laptop or headphones. It is best sampled in a massive PA System. My tracks contain sub frequency bass that when played on an adequate subwoofer will envelope your body and urge you to celebrate.

I did a little research about you, and I found what I think is your real name and age. Bryan Henning, age 37. Is that true?

Sorry I don't understand this question. My real name is Bryan Lightningrod and I am 97, almost 98.
 
Obviously the video for "Give it to Me" sparked a lot of controversy, even before I wrote about it. How old were the girls in your video? Did you ask permission to film them? 

I will not reveal the exact age of the girls in the video. I did recieve permission from the [Town] of Gilbert to film at [the] Freestone Park skate park area.  As far as the question regarding the knowledge of filming, I would like to leave that as a mystery within the mind of the audience of the video. Personally, I think it is quite obvious.

Why take so many shots of their butts? I don't think I've ever seen so many ass shots in a music video. That includes rap videos.

I really do not understand why people talk about the girls' butts so much. Personally, I think people that focus on the girls' butts did not watch the entire video because there is so much more going on in the video. The video is approximately 90 percent pictures of my face and body, but barely anyone ever says anything about that. Last time I checked every female has a butt and if you are filming from behind them their butt is gonna be in the shot. By the way, skater girls are sexy as hell, aren't they?
 
Do you feel like you're doing anything morally questionable by posting and receiving scantily clad pictures of young girls?

Any fan of mine is encouraged to send me a picture. I ask them to write my name on their body so I know they took it for me. It proves to me and the world [that] they are a real person a real fan of mine, and not just some random picture of an anonymous person taken off the internet or some fucking paid model. I will post anyone's picture that does it. They could be an infant to an octogenarian and I will use it. [It] just so happens a lot of my fans are really sexy ass 13 [to] 16 [year old] teenagers. I got pictures from guys, too, just not as many. I do not discriminate based on age, sex, or sexual orientation, unlike many unconstitutional laws that exist in the United States. The girls make the picture any way they want. A lot of them make their pictures really sexy. I think it turns them on to try to give me [a] boner.

There's an ongoing debate between myself and music editor Jason Woodbury that you might not be totally serious about what you're doing. I think you are. He thinks you're doing it as some sort of social satire. Care to elaborate?

Well whenever I write a song I usually play it for my mentally ill schizophrenic brother, and he always says "So is that supposed to be funny, or like a joke?" I usually reply something to the affect of "I think a lot of people will probably think that it is funny or supposed to be kind of a joke, which is cool but to me it's serious." If someone takes my music as satire and gets a kick out of it that is perfectly fine with me and I am happy for it. If someone takes it seriously and gets really pissed off at me for making it because they do not like my point of view, that is just as good to me. If someone hears the depth of my heart within my music and comes to know me as a vampire/person then I am thrilled!

What exactly makes you a vampire? 

I became a vampire while exploring a pyramid in Egypt. I was bitten by a vampire bat

Are you really from Egypt? When did you come to The States and why?

I am from Cairo. I came to the United States during the Great Depression shortly after becoming a vampire. At that time I had recently become a vampire and told only a few close friends, but word spread and I soon realized that vampires were hated and persecuted by many people. I had to escape to a land where no one knew my true identity, or face torment and captivity.

Can you explain the inspiration behind the lyrics for "Ain't Gota Tell Your Momma?"

I was asked by a very young scene girl, [who] I was having a very intense relationship with and truly loved, to write a song for her. "Ain't Gota Tell Your Momma" is the song that I wrote for her. It basically means that she doesn't have to tell her mom about our relationship or me being a vampire, and I will be ok with her keeping it a secret. Alas, she did not like the song and dumped me after she heard it because she really doesn't like rap. I was deeply hurt but we have since remained close friends.


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Rhythm Room

1019 E. Indian School Road, Phoenix, AZ

Category: Music

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51 comments
Sorry, you dont need a name
Sorry, you dont need a name

Um, yeah. My 13 year old friend is the one he is talking about he wrote the song for. And that'd not what happened. He asked her to have sex with him, and she refused. Because she thought he was 16. He's creepy as hell.

Kera
Kera

@Sorry, you dont need a name  Clearly, your friend is stupid. It's quite obvious he is middle aged. What sixteen year old do YOU know who has a 5 o'clock shadow as bad as Bryan? He did all of this for the attention and promotion of his young teenage girl fan base. I mean, look how famous he got. He's also quite brilliant, trying to catch him on Child Pornography charges? Don't think so. Every picture he posted/was posted for him was of girls who were clothed. Maybe not entirely clothed, but they all had enough articles of clothing on to have the pictures not be considered pornography. Bryan's Facebook pages and otherwise may have been shut down, but his name will live on for a much longer time. 

Skye
Skye

I run a promotional group on facebook for people who are interested in getting into modeling, and there are a lot of younger girls (aged 12-17 roughly) and he somehow managed to get into the group. It was completely ruined, as he made it to where we couldn't simply type his name in to ban him, we had to scour through almost 4,000 members. We had to actually make a newer, more heavily moderated group and move all of the models there just to keep him out. He kept soliciting every post with links to his sites and asking these girls if they wanted to be famous, full-well knowing that lots of younger girls would fall for that kind of trap. It's sad to see how long this has been going on.

Rissa
Rissa

Love how Bryan insulted me for being pregnant at 17 then said he wanted to marry Carly (who is like 14) and get her pregnant. Then insulted me because of my sexuality, and the second one of his fans admitted she was also bi, he was like "Well, I din't mean it like that", and the second she stopped supporting him he went all against her. Mega Lolz. Then, after I called him a pedo, he called MY boyfriend a pedo for being a year and a half older than me. After he saw he was going nowhere with it he says "Oh and stop sending me pictures of your privates". Ahahaha. He fails.

SpankyTheMagicPenguin
SpankyTheMagicPenguin

I took this at face value upon the first mention of this guy a while back.

However, upon checking his YouTube vids, reading this follow up, and hearing mention of Dahvie Vanity, I have but one thing to say:

Y'ALL POSTIN' IN A TROLL THREAD!

Brookii Sargent
Brookii Sargent

HE HAS A DAUGHTER?! And he sexually harasses my 12 year old friend. It's sick..He needs to be locked up. Like now.

Cypress Melgaard
Cypress Melgaard

i laughed at 

'What exactly makes you a vampire? I became a vampire while exploring a pyramid in Egypt. I was bitten by a vampire bat. '

Pete
Pete

Is "Bryan Lightningrod" satire? Is this blog journalism?

Does a bear shit in the mall?

Had the questions been more clever, you could've gotten the vampire to drive a stake through his own heart with the answers.

Instead, we get a creepy variation on "Bryan Lightningrod, What Are You Eating?"

And somewhere in a Florida retirement home, Martin Cizmar is smiling.

The only decent question came in a comment from Kaya, who asked, "Okay seriously, why isn't anybody bringing up the fact that he has a ten year old daughter AND a restraining order against him?"

And the answer is... because that would take more than doing "a little research" to verify.

To quote Ms. Caldwell, "No doubt there will be more Lightningrod coverage to come..."

So, I look forward to reading her Rhythm Room show review, bright and early Monday (Aug 22) morning, to find out which one of 'em (her or Lightningrod) blinked first.

Pete
Pete

um... you did attend the show, right? Maybe you're still working on that review?

Bryan Lightningrod
Bryan Lightningrod

...wow that is so retarded people talking shit about me saying they want to kill me, mutilate me, commit battery against me or that I should die or be imprisoned just because I like pretty girls and they like me?? ..you people are the fucking psychopaths.   ..anyway I cannot be killed I am a vampire so eat shit. Also all you people who talk shit about the new times writing stories about me are fucking stupid ..the only interesting articles on this website that anyone looks at or comments are about me so you should also eat shit.

Logyn Foster
Logyn Foster

 oh good sir, if you weren't ignorant you would very well know that a vampire is NOT invincible and can in fact be killed. you would also know that they can not be in the direct sunlight, or if you are inspired by twilight then they sparkle. and i've seen various pictures on your facebook where you are outside during the daytime and you are neither dead or sparkling..you also have MIRROR pictures up and guess what? vampires DO NOT have a reflection. they also age gracefully, if you were really 97 then you would look about 16 nor so and you clearly DO NOT. i mean come on, even twilight got that right. Edward was 110 and he passed as a 17 year old. I suggest that you go watch the REAL interview with the vampire and steal the story line off of that, because it would be much more believable then getting bitten by an Egyptian vampire bat xD The only reason these little scene girls believe you is because they haven't matured yet and they want attention from someone who is "famous" (notice the quotations, that word is being used very sarcastically) or whatever the fuck you want to call it because they think that they are cool. You should just drop the act, because it's immature and foolish and like i said, its not fooling anyone but these young and naive children. now you're probably going to try and shit talk me, but before you do you should know that i have a very slick mouth and i ALWAYS win. :)

bytheway; i don't care whether you are 37 or 97..either way you should not be looking at a teenager as sexy. that is just fucking disturbing.

Stefano Velenosi
Stefano Velenosi

you sir are nothing more than a lowlife taking advantage of underage girls calling youself a vampire because of their attachment to the "Twilight" series. you ask these girls to take pictures of themselves for you to obviously play with yourself while looking them over. you need to be put behind bars and enjoy a delicious sandwich they like to call a "cockmeat sandwich". enjoy life you sick fuck!

Rosiesiloveu
Rosiesiloveu

i am 13 and i love everything about bryan  lightningrod and i have his baby and i will love him until the day he dies

Andrew
Andrew

You poor girl. You have so much to learn. 

Rosiesiloveu
Rosiesiloveu

i am 13 you love me and my music and you would have my baby while your still 13 no matter how old i was

steph
steph

Oh forgive me, this isn't news.  This is a bunch of idiot shit. You probably advertise for those child rapists.  Go to hell fast! All of ya butt fuckers.

steph
steph

you seriously need to apologize to the community for including that ugly child rapist in your newspaper.

Bryan Lightningrod
Bryan Lightningrod

Fuck you cunt!    ..I'm not ugly and you are a psycho, I'm not a child molester or a rapist but you probably are that's why you hide your identity. You are probably very unattractive which is obvious due to your personality. ..so how u like getting called names bitch?

MCR143
MCR143

were you dropped on your head as a baby? or are you just mentally slow? btw, vampires don't talk like that, you're making a mockery of the very term, almost as bad as twilight, edward cullen isn't a pedophile, so why should you be? i bet steph is probably attractive, you're just trying to put her down to bring yourself up. define cunt? someone speaking the obvious truth and not cursing, but speaking what they believe. just because you don't like the truth doesn't call for you to curse bryan, be the bigger boy here. and honey, you're hiding your identity too, no one's name is actually "Lightningrod", maybe in another language, but never in english. if you're from cairo then what's your egyptian name? why do you look white? grow a pair.

Logyn Foster
Logyn Foster

COME ON BRO. you're 97. be the older person here. :) HAHAHAH.

WMR
WMR

Classy retort- kiss your 12 year old girlfriend with that mouth?

Gage Brown
Gage Brown

Keep trying, please. You're almost cool. 

steph
steph

This guy is a child molester.  I can't believe you put his picture on this page. It makes you a molester supporter...

Andrew
Andrew

You're a moron. That's not how news media works. Learn2brain.

unbiased
unbiased

It amuses me that many of the actual facts in this article came straight from my lengthy yet factual post on the original, and first article about Bryan Lightningrod..

Andrew
Andrew

While I was impressed with the amount of info you managed to dig up, there was no further info that wasn't already included in the first article that couldn't be easily Google searched. I don't know what makes you think it was taken from your comment. 

steph
steph

don't give that child molester an audience.  My god u people suck.

The Peacekeeper
The Peacekeeper

Dammit Christina Caldwell!!! Did you take public information off of the internet and not give credit to Unbiased for it?! How dare you look into facts for a story and not give credit to Unbiased for readily available information!!! I bet you speak English too, the language created and refined by thy holy Unbiased and reserved for the wholly appreciative!!! Christina Caldwell, you are a filthy wench of a reporter!!! YOU SHALL NEVER USE GOOGLE (I mean, study and plagiarize the comments of Unbiased) EVER AGAIN!!!

emogirl
emogirl

im 16 & i want to marry bryan lightingrod & i love him& i luv his music.

MCR143
MCR143

shut up before you get hurt and/or raped. im sure his penis is dried up by now, after living in cairo and all that. he's not hot, okay? you dont even know him.

Logyn Foster
Logyn Foster

you're 16 and want to fuck a 37 year old..oops i mean a "97 year old vampire from Egypt." Mommy would be so proud. HAHAHA. fail.

Gage Brown
Gage Brown

Hi. Almost half a month ago, myself a group of friends started a campaign to have some legal action taken against this man. I won't reveal the names of the others until I have their absolute consent (not really thinking they're going to care, but either way, it's only polite.) on the matter. I have some information regarding the topic that you don't seem to have listed here, about quite a few topics actually.

Feel free to message me via Facebook with any questions concerning the matter, I'd be more than happy to let you in on a few details you missed.

pearce.clancy
pearce.clancy

@Gage Brown Hi. I would like to talk to you about this.

KPerry
KPerry

this guy needs to just stop talking.. he was given every opportunity to change what people were looking at him as and he just made it worse. 

mrPbody
mrPbody

are you fucking kidding me... this is so dumb and pointless. this guy cant be real. maybe he's the schizophrenic. 

trevor the lionhearted
trevor the lionhearted

Is this not a joke on Dahvie Vanity? Seems like a joke on Dahvie Vanity.

MCR143
MCR143

at least dahvie vanity's not a pedophile, he's actually very nice, one of my friends met him, and he's not as desperate to get publicity as this guy. dahvie is awesome(:

Bryan Lightningrod
Bryan Lightningrod

This is dope "Count Lightningrod"  LOVE IT <3  XD

steph
steph

If you lived here you'd been dead by now you cow poking fag.

Gage Brown
Gage Brown

I hope you rot in prison.

Oh, also. Your music is awful.

twilight debunked
twilight debunked

bottom of the barrel new times filth.find some real musicians to write about for a change

Sam EsDeck DeCross
Sam EsDeck DeCross

Hey Twilight Debunked, 

Saw that you haven't been able to navigate the Phoenix New Times site, so I thought I'd help you out in my spare time. Here are some articles and blog posts about real musicians, as per your request.

http://blogs.phoenixnewtimes.c...http://blogs.phoenixnewtimes.c...http://blogs.phoenixnewtimes.c...http://blogs.phoenixnewtimes.c...http://blogs.phoenixnewtimes.c...http://blogs.phoenixnewtimes.c...http://blogs.phoenixnewtimes.c...http://blogs.phoenixnewtimes.c...

Those are just a few links I grabbed real quick. In the future, just go the top of the page and find the box that says "Music." From the sound of your comment, it sounds like you want to read good quality pieces on good musicians. Based on that, I would recommend clicking on "Music Home," "Up On The Sun," or "Top Picks." If you are interested in getting involved in the Phoenix/Valley music scene and learning about the music, also check out the events section. Other than that, good luck learning about the internet and music. It may seem a little overwhelming trying to catch up get a grasp on everything, but if you're really interested you'll get it in no time. Good luck, we're all here to help! 

WMR
WMR

Sam- if I may, a few points?

First: Yeah, he is creepy and doesn't deserve ink as much as he deservespunches to the head until daylight can be seen on the other side.

Second: In relation to "twilight"... Geez Sam, cut the sparklyvampire guy some slack.

(Excellent pimp job for NT, by the way. And yes, I know you're not Trolling-you're obviously just a very dedicated and passionate NT fan.)

I think he may be addressing the fact that despite a few good articles everynow and then, New Times cultural reporting traditionally falls far short ofliterary excellence.

Inexperienced Bloggers & Interns do not constitute a solid base of writingtalent, especially when it's measured against say, someone with ACTUAL talentlike Nikki D'Andrea.

A quick search of Google will also show a wealth of NT articles with titlessuch as:

"Poolboy Magazine: A local source of Nude Dudes""A Bong ring Tone- I'm lovin' it""The Bow Thong""The Manzilian: A whole other (Hot, Hairy) Ball of Wax""Pajama Jeans: Because Spandex Cameltoe Never Looked Better""Who will swipe Jordin's V-card?"

Oh yes... top notch Pulitzer Prize stuff.Sadly, there are more examples ripe for mocking, that can be easily found.

Now- before you start getting all upset and start saying;

"Hey! Those articles were obviously written in a comedic vein!"

I assure you that I AM aware of that factoid. However, one might also point outthat this paper has had to label their "funny" articles with thesubheading of "humor" placed underneath so readers will know thatit's SUPPOSED to be funny.

Which usually... it is not

The Managing Editor of this paper, Amy Silverman, once wrote the following:

“My birth certificate claims I was born at Good Samaritan Hospital in Phoenix,Arizona, but for as long as I can remember, I’ve been telling people I waskidnapped at a very early age from the Upper West Side of Manhattan by a verynice couple named the Silvermans, and brought to live in this disgustinghellhole.”

That's a ringing endorsement of Phoenix and it’s culture if ever I heard one,so is it any surprise that snarky attitude permeates a majority of the culturalwriting in this rag?

I think not.

And neither do a large portion of NT's long suffering readers, who I willwager, rarely actually ever read an issue of NT cover to cover.

So give "twilight" some breathing room, will ya?It's the decent thing to do.

Respectfully,Wayne Michael Reich

 

Wayne Michael Reich
Wayne Michael Reich

"Sam"- if I may, a few points?First: Yeah, he is creepy and doesn't deserve ink as much as he deserves punches to the head until daylight can be seen on the other side.Second: In relation to "twilight"... Geez Sam, cut the sparkly vampire guy some slack.(Excellent pimp job for NT, by the way. And yes, I know you're not Trolling- you're obviously just a very dedicated and passionate NT fan.)I think he may be addressing the fact that despite a few good articles every now and then, New Times cultural reporting traditionally falls far short of literary excellence.Inexperienced Bloggers & Interns do not constitute a solid base of writing talent, especially when it's measured against say, someone with ACTUAL talent like Nikki D'Andrea.A quick search of Google will also show a wealth of NT articles with titles such as:"Poolboy Magazine: A local source of Nude Dudes""A Bong ring Tone- I'm lovin' it""The Bow Thong""The Manzilian: A whole other (Hot, Hairy) Ball of Wax""Pajama Jeans: Because Spandex Cameltoe Never Looked Better""Who will swipe Jordin's V-card?"Oh yes... top notch Pulitzer Prize stuff.Sadly, there are more examples ripe for mocking, that can be easily found.Now- before you start getting all upset and start saying;"Hey! Those articles were obviously written in a comedic vein!"I assure you that I AM aware of that factoid. However, one might also point out that this paper has had to label their "funny" articles with the subheading of "humor" placed underneath so readers will know that it's SUPPOSED to be funny.Which usually... it is notThe Managing Editor of this paper, Amy Silverman, once wrote the following:“My birth certificate claims I was born at Good Samaritan Hospital in Phoenix, Arizona, but for as long as I can remember, I’ve been telling people I was kidnapped at a very early age from the Upper West Side of Manhattan by a very nice couple named the Silvermans, and brought to live in this disgusting hellhole.”That's a ringing endorsement of Phoenix and it's culture if ever I heard one, so is it any surprise that snarky attitude permeates a majority of the cultural writing in this rag?I think not.And neither do a large portion of NT's long suffering readers, who I will wager, rarely actually ever read an issue of NT from cover to cover. So give "twilight" some breathing room, will ya?It's the decent thing to do.Respectfully,Wayne Michael Reich

Wayne Michael Reich
Wayne Michael Reich

First: Yeah, he is creepy and doesn't deserve ink as much as he deserves punches to the head until daylight can be seen on the other side.

Second: In relation to "twilight"... Geez Sam, cut the sparkly vampire guy some slack.

(Excellent pimp job for NT, by the way. And yes, I know you're not Trolling- you're obviously just a very dedicated and passionate NT fan.)

I think he may be addressing the fact that despite a few good articles every now and then, New Times cultural reporting traditionally falls far short of literary excellence.

Inexperienced Bloggers & Interns do not constitute a solid base of writing talent, especially when it's measured against say, someone with ACTUAL talent like Nikki D'Andrea.

A quick search of Google will also show a wealth of NT articles with titles such as:

"Poolboy Magazine: A local source of Nude Dudes""A Bong ring Tone- I'm lovin' it""The Bow Thong""The Manzilian: A whole other (Hot, Hairy) Ball of Wax""Pajama Jeans: Because Spandex Cameltoe Never Looked Better""Who will swipe Jordin's V-card?"

Oh yes... top notch Pulitzer Prize stuff. Sadly, there are more examples ripe for mocking, that can be easily found.

Now- before you start getting all upset and start saying;

"Hey! Those articles were obviously written in a comedic vein!"

I assure you that I AM aware of that factoid. However, one might also point out that this paper has had to label their "funny" articles with the subheading of "humor" placed underneath so readers will know that it's SUPPOSED to be funny.

Which usually... it is notThe Managing Editor of this paper, Amy Silverman, once wrote the following:“My birth certificate claims I was born at Good Samaritan Hospital in Phoenix, Arizona, but for as long as I can remember, I’ve been telling people I was kidnapped at a very early age from the Upper West Side of Manhattan by a very nice couple named the Silvermans, and brought to live in this disgusting hellhole.”That's a ringing endorsement of Phoenix if ever I heard one, so is it any surprise that  snarky attitude permeates a majority of the cultural writing in this rag?I think not. And neither do a large portion of NT's long suffering readers, who I will wager, rarely actually ever read an issue of NT cover to cover. So give "twilight" some breathing room, will ya?It's the decent thing to do.

Respectfully,Wayne Michael Reich(http://waynemichaelreich.blogs...)

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