Well, 6 p.m. on Saturday came and went with nary a whimper. There was no massive, earth-shattering earthquake -- no angels swooped down from heaven to take the chosen people to their destinies. All in all, this Rapture business was a big, steaming crock of shit. Harold Camping, the fear mongerer behind all this nonsense is, subsequently, nowhere to be found right now -- his Family Radio website hasn't even been updated since Saturday ("the Bible guarantees it!").
|"Why did I listen to that 89-year-old nutjob and blow my life's savings?"|
So much was made about the Rapture itself that it's now finally time to point and laugh at those who actually believed it was going to happen. All this talk about the Rapture has a shelf-life of about another week, so I figured I better strike while the iron is hot. This got me to thinking -- I should capitalize on the Rapture fallout and make a top ten list of songs that deal with mistakes, regret and plain ol' being in the wrong.
"I Was Wrong" -- Social Distortion
This was the song that inspired me to make this list. There's no better way to sum up the utter failure of the Rapture than with Social Distortion's 1996 classic "I Was Wrong." Not only is it a great song, but it should become the adopted anthem for Harold Camping and all his Family Radio lackeys.
"Regret" -- New Order
Much like "I Was Wrong" before it, "Regret" has a title that truly says it all. The songs on this list need to both effectively punctuate just how wrong Camping was, as well as the pain and regret felt from the Rapture's failure. No lyric from the song better sums up what was most likely going through Camping's head Saturday afternoon than, "Just wait till tomorrow / I guess what's they all say / Just before they fall apart."
"Be Kind to My Mistakes" -- Kate Bush
This Kate Bush song, written for the 1986 Nicolas Roeg film Castaway, shows some mercy towards Camping and his train of thought. I can only imagine what was going through that guy's head at about 5:55 pm Saturday afternoon. Still, though, the man made a pretty large mistake that he is most likely never going to live down.
"Waterfalls" -- TLC
This career-defining song from TLC acts as a stern warning towards Camping and his followers. There was no Rapture on Saturday and there will never be one. You guys need not go chasing after the proverbial Rapture waterfall. Stick to the other crazy, Biblically-inspired aspirations that you all are used to.
"Crazy" -- Simple Plan
The song's lyrics -- "Is everybody going crazy / Is anybody gonna save me / Can anybody tell me what's going on" -- are most likely the same thing going through the minds of those who thought the Rapture was actually going to happen right about now. Crazy, appropriately enough, is one of many words that the rest of us sane people use to describe those who think the end of the world is coming in October.
"Human" -- The Human League
"Born to make mistakes," indeed. This 1986 classic from British synthpoppers The Human League describes -- albeit rather ham-handedly -- that we are all prone to a mistake here and there. However, our mistakes usually don't falsely predict the end of the world and create a mass hysteria amongst our rather gullible followers.
"Shattered Dreams" -- Johnny Hates Jazz
Just imagine this 1987 song from Britpop band Johnny Hates Jazz as a sort of love letter to Harold Camping. The lyrics "Woke up to reality / And found the future not so bright / I dreamt the impossible / That maybe things could work out right" sum up what Camping's followers must be feeling right about now. You said you'd die for me, Harold Camping -- so much for your promises.
"Mistakes We Knew We Were Making" -- Straylight Run
This song romanticizes a time when we were all young and foolish, making mistakes and thinking things would turn out differently. Unfortunately for those Rapture believers, that time is right now, and I'm sure a whole lot of those same people would like to drive back home, sleep a few days, and wake up and laugh at how stupid they used to be. Too bad they can't.
"I Might Be Wrong" -- Radiohead
The lyrics of this song really say it all -- "I used to think / I used to think / There is no future left at all / I used to think." Ahem, used to think.
"Hate To Say I Told You So" -- The Hives
This hit single from The Hives' breakout 2000 album, Veni Vidi Vicious,
is a song for the rest of us -- the ones who had enough common sense to know the goddamn world wasn't coming to an end Saturday evening. You called all the shots for the no's and the not's, Harold Camping -- you did what you pleased and spread your disease. Hate to say I told you so, Harold Camping, but if the Rapture was ever going to happen, you wouldn't be the one to tell us