Rebecca Black's Only Fan Lashes Out at Writer

Categories: Rebuttal

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​​Thank you, dear readers, for occasionally taking the time to give us at Up On The Sun some feedback on our writing.

When I was growing up, my parents always told me that it's impossible to please everybody. Boy, were they right. Unfortunately it's impossible to please all of our readers, which means we occasionally receive some emails or comments that are really out there.

I knew what I was getting into when I applied for this position. Sarah Ventre, the intern that preceded me, told me exactly what to expect, hate mail and all. In the eight months or so that I've been writing for Up On The Sun, I've received some pretty hilarious comments and emails.

I was called a racist when I wrote about a fantastic white reggae band; a reader asked me if I "think black kids come out of the womb bumping Marley and rolling blunts." That was a classic. Then people attacked me for booing a Michael Jackson dance video game. I thought the game was lame, but I never said anything about Michael Jackson himself. I love MJ. Apparently my opinion called for three readers to tell me to go kill myself. My favorite comments were the ones about how I'm "just jealous cuz u cant dance to save yourself." I don't have two left feet, but I really loved reading that.

Recently, I got my favorite ever piece of hate mail, and I'd like to share it with you. I respect the person that wrote it for using nearly perfect grammar throughout the letter. Since I didn't have anything professional to write back to the composer of this letter, I gave my usual "Sorry you didn't appreciate my sarcasm, but thanks for reaching out and thanks for being a New Times reader" line and left it at that. I hope you enjoy everything about it just as much as I did.

Dear Ms. Rosenblum,

It is a rare occasion that I come across something online that is so pathetic and trife that I'm left completely dumbfounded and am forced to marvel at the scope of its cowardice. Your article "Rebecca Black's 'Friday:' Justifiably the Laughing Stock of America" did just that for me. So congratulations, I'm at a loss for words that can convey my amazement. See, I would call you a sick cunt, but calling you a sick cunt is like calling your Governor Jan Brewer a right-wing fanatic: at this point, it just goes without saying.

See, I saw your blog archives at the Phoenix News Times, you lame bitch. Basically, you're like Perez Hilton, without having anything funny to say or any fresh input to give. Maybe you could use your position as a freelance writer to cover someone other than already over-exposed, over-produced pop like Foo Fighters and Linkin Park. But please stop writing about hip-hop and "street cred". Until you can name five, hell, make it three, Wu-Tang Clan songs without consulting Wikipedia, you have absolutely no business mentioning hip-hop. By the way, what the hell kind of writer uses "STFU"? That's never cool. Never.

Speaking of cool, have you ever read the poem "We Real Cool" by Gwendolyn Brooks? In that poem, Gwendolyn, like Rebecca, commits the cardinal sin of leaving out the verb "are" in her sentence structures. Are you going call Gwendolyn Brooks a bitch too? In some places, you'd get blown to smithereens for saying that. But Arizona isn't one of those places, which is good for you, but sucks for everyone else. I'm just trying to give you a free bit of blogging advice: the last thing that people want to read are the laughably arrogant views of a nerdy little dyke whining about how someone didn't use proper grammar in a song.

And if you're wondering why I took the time to write this letter, perhaps you should ask yourself why you took the time to compose a blog entry hating on a 13 year old girl who, God forbid, took a chance and did something creative. I guarantee that the reason you felt compelled to write that was because girls like Rebecca tormented you in junior high for being such a raging bull-dyke gothic geek.

I just thought that you might need some advice on your work, just like how Rebecca Black might eventually need some career counseling. But please don't trick yourself into thinking that I give a fuck about you or what you think. Unlike Rebecca Black's response, your negative attention has nothing to do with your memorability, and everything to do with your being a bitch. At this point, I barely have enough interest left to push the send button on this email. But I'm going to anyways, because you seem like a truly detestable twat and I really think that you should just give up on your small dreams of becoming an entertainment writer and go back to fingering yourself to anime full-time.

In conclusion, you suck at writing and you suck at life. Once you've internalized what I've said, you'll realize that in the same way that Rebecca Black is an accidental parody of modern pop trends, you are an accidental parody of modern hipster quasi-journalism.

Sincerely,
Alex

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20 comments
Mikey1969
Mikey1969

Wow, bitter much, Alex?

As for the "nearly perfect grammar", she didn't get through her first sentence without screwing up... It's 'trite', not "trife". On top of that, if you really want to write a ltter that expresses outrage and anger without making you sound juvenile, you should cut down on the vulgare insults. One or two well-placed 'cunts' or 'bitch's would have been more memorable than lacing that crap through the WHOLE letter. Oh yeah, I really don't understand how you can defend "Friday" by telling the writer that they should "cover someone other than already over-exposed, over-produced pop like Foo Fighters and Linkin Park". "Friday" is the most poppy piece of garbage I've heard, from the "lyrics for dummies" writing to the faux hip-hop beat, and right through to the Auto-Tune, it doesn't get much more inane than "Friday", and if you could define "pop" in one word, that word would be "inane". The really sad part about the song is I've found video of Rebecca Black singing in her real voice, and she's pretty good. By hooking up that fucking Auto-Tune crap to the song, she has been condemned to a life where she actually makes Britney Spears look talented.

James Gordon
James Gordon

Good to see that all the negative attention Rebecca has been getting has backfired on the hundreds of thousands of cyber-bullies out there. If you share this view please take a moment to join the campaign 'Defend Rebecca Black' on Facebook. Whether you like her music or not, nobody deserves to be bullied!

Tony
Tony

u mad bro?

linbo4
linbo4

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GuestyMcGuesterson
GuestyMcGuesterson

Excuse me Alex, but, hate mail over a forgettable flavor of the week? It's fucking pointless, what are you Chris Crocker?.. God damn it, there are important things happening in the world, things that will alter the future for a good majority of the globes inhabitants... but this shit, Charlie Sheen and the Jersey Shore are all the lower common denominators want to discuss in America. What the fuck! It's no wonder society is heading in the direction it is, no one cares about real life.

Anthonyala
Anthonyala

AlexThe refrences to your mom's nick name(s) are are a testimonail to your still adolescence state. The beauty of this country is that we agree to disagree. The terms that you used to disagree are only acceptable in the circles that you travel in but not in mainstream America. Ms. Rosenblum is an accomplished writer that belies her years and has been well received by many in mainstream Arizona. Unfortunatly you are not among them. In the future if you wish to disagree find suitable words to do so because someday you may find someone not so polite and wind up having to eat those words using your gums. My my very best to you, rectum.

AZsunpower
AZsunpower

I thought your column was funny - and certainly not more harsh than most of the criticism floating around out there about Black and her song/video. Maybe the hate letter was written by the "rapper" in the video - haha! Good to see you're taking it in stride.

Mel45O
Mel45O

Rebecca WHO? I agree she does need some guidance but c'mon she has NO business getting the recognition she does for what? Being real

Megan
Megan

He's totally right. You were way too harsh on Rebecca - Gwendolyn Brooks worked tirelessly to give young white girls the ability to leave out the word "are" whenever they want. That was just uncalled for on your part.

Rjhartless
Rjhartless

Hilarious. Alex harps on the term "STFU" but then uses "cunt" and "twat" in his tirade. What a douchebag.

Jeff Doing
Jeff Doing

"But please don't trick yourself into thinking that I give a fuck about you or what you think." Obviously not. It takes at least a 20-page manifesto before real fuck-giving applies.

Pillow Pants
Pillow Pants

That letter has to framed and hung on the wall.

Milo A. Wendt
Milo A. Wendt

karma's a bitch. rebecca black is inviolate.

Sojo
Sojo

Ah, fuck 'em. Haters gonna hate.

deecie
deecie

well. contrary to what they may believe, they obviously care something about what you think as they took the time to draft a 5 1/2 paragraph email...love you len! after all: http://cdn2.sbnation.com/impor...

trevorthelionhearted.
trevorthelionhearted.

The Rebecca Black hate article was a little much, but it resulting in the writing of this letter made it totally worth it. Gloriously out of control.

Robbie Pfeffer
Robbie Pfeffer

I couldn't read anymore after he called Perez Hilton funny.

Isabell-Grace
Isabell-Grace

That made me LOL, everyone has this opionion and you're viewing yours how you wish to view it, alex should grow up and find something better to do that write a fully paragraphed email full of stupidity.

Samson
Samson

I agree with Alex; leave Rebecca alone! Enough is enough

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