Ke$ha To Release New 'Bit¢h' Fragrance on April 31

Categories: Funny

Ke$ha perfume.jpg
Sean Meyers
Don't let that bit of jizz oozing out of the bottle gross you out; Ke$ha's spokesperson adamantly insisted that this perfume smells like flowery goodness.
​Slutwave star 
Ke$ha is aiming to cash in on the lucrative celebrity fragrance market with the release of a signature fragrance called "Bit¢h."

The perfume is said to resemble orchids with a hint of citrus. Naturally, there's plently of glitter in the Bit¢h bottle to keep you looking "hot and dangerous."

The formula also includes tiny particles of garbage, semen, whiskey and a baboon pheromone said to mimic the chemical humans emit in the throes of desperate attention-whoredom.

"I don't know if you've ever heard this, but Ke$ha used to be homeless -- it's something she doesn't like to talk about... unless she's being interviewed," said a rep for the singer. "So she felt very strongly about getting just a hint of the smell you get from a New York City dumpster in there. You won't find this sort of authenticity in fragrances by J.Lo, Britney or Paris Hilton. And the semen, is a no-brainer. You can't smell like Ke$ha without some random dude's semen in the mix."

The Ke$ha spokesperson went on to describe the perfume as a scent that will "make you feel dirty but still smell fresh and sexy." Additionally, "ladies" will be encouraged to spray some in their hair.

"It adds a little lift and body to your hair so you can leave the house looking and smelling like a rock star," the rep said.

As a thank-you to Ke$ha fans, each box of Bit¢h contains an eight-digit code that will be redeemable for a free download of a song that has not yet been released. Ke$ha will be posting a link on her Twitter (@keshasuxx) the day of the fragrance's release so her fans can cash in on the download.

Bit¢h will be hitting the shelves at Macy's locations nationwide on April 31. Prices range from $18 for a 1.7 oz. bottle and $33 for a 3.4 oz. bottle -- because, as the rep said, "she's cheap like that."

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6 comments
Arizona's Politics
Arizona's Politics

The baboon pheromone is gonna make this fragrance a HIT!!! Lots of great lines in here. Thanks, New Times, for keeping us up on the news. Even if there is something about this story that stinks.

linkiss
linkiss

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Lkjorda1
Lkjorda1

wanna check that date there? think youre missing something, arizona's politics..

Arizona's Politics
Arizona's Politics

Sorry, Lkjorda1, I guess I was too subtle. As the author can attest, I caught that date thing right away and was just playing along. (As I've played along with some of the good spoofs NT has pulled in the past; only a few that I thought were too lame.)

guest
guest

It's April Fools dummy...

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