New Band 'The Cullens' Mock Twilight With Love

Categories: Geek Beat

Two words: New Moon. Ohmigodohmigod it's coming in one week! *Squeal* We know, unless you're a die-hard Twilight fan you probably don't give a rat's ass about the upcoming flick. But even Twihaters might get a kick out of The Cullens, a local Twilight "tribute" band who've been rabidly pimping their national tour via Facebook for the last two months.

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Band member Diana (the only Cullen to have actually read the Twilight series) shows off her Twilight tat. Totally sweet, don'tcha think?

The band kicked off their national tour last night at The Trunk Space in Phoenix with a rockin' show featuring Skinwalkers, Shortstack Lightening and Permanent Squint. Surprisingly, the concert wasn't packed with pre-teen girls in "Mrs. Cullen" t-shirts and faux vampire fangs, but maybe that's because word got around that several of the band's members are notorious practical jokers. We caught up with them before their debut to find out how this all got started. Take it with a grain of salt. Or glitter.

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You too can have a glittery Jasper Cullen on your chest, courtesy of The Cullens, for only $5 (and a piece of your soul).

Band members Ryan, Andrew, Diana, Dave and Tristan all clamored to tell us their version of the band's conception. "Twilight is a story that's about teenage vampires, and one of them falls in love with this regular girl," says Andrew Jackson Jihad, lead guitarist and Trunk Space regular.  "We all saw this film and inspiration struck. We realized we had to see New Moon in Forks, Washington and we started this band."

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Andrew hearts Twilight. Really.
Uh-huh. They really are traveling to Washington as part of their 2-week tour, but we're taking bets on how long until they're kicked out of the movie theatre in Forks for making Mystery Science Theatre 3000 style commentary during New Moon. That is, if they actually go. Any takers?

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The babyfaced Ryan belts out the lyrics to "Fang Bang."
Lead "singer " Ryan Avery had a similar tale. "I was watching videos with my younger sister and she wanted to watch this new movie called Twilight. I'd never heard of it before, but she loved it. I watched it and my mind exploded with inspiration!" Avery's friends insisted the movie was stupid. In the span of four days he hosted seven Twilight parties, all at midnight by candlelight (see the prob with the math there?). "By the fifth viewing, we all just knew. "

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Not sure what the leopard print bikini has to do with Twilight, but Dave the pianist (right) said it was "for the ladies."

​The Cullens spend the past few months watching the movie for research and developing songs based on the lines and scenes that caught their attention. The whole movie was basically condensed down to seven songs, including "How I Love Watching You Sleep" and "Money, Sex, Cat." 

The music was pretty decent; solid beats, cool guitar riifs, decent melodies. The lyrics were crap -- just corny phrases from the movie screamed in repetition. Then again, that's probably what a lot of adults felt like seeing the film. 

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