Jens Lekman Has Swine Flu
Jens Lekman, a Swedish indie pop singer-songwriter who writes sugary ballads about pretending to be the lover of a lesbian friend to fool her conservative father, playing bingo in the countryside and accidently chopping his finger off while trying cut up an avocado (they're all amazing songs, I swear!) has swine flu. He apparently picked up the disease while on tour in South America, and is currently under quarantine. He blogs it here.
I picked home one last souvenir from South America, it's called the H1N1 virus. Wrongfully known as the Swineflue.
I was crossing the Atlantic when things started getting really bad, the fever was hallucinogenic and shaking me like a leaf and I grabbed the sleeve of the Air France steward. "I'm not feeling well, I should see a doctor" I said and the reply came as a brilliant mix of death anxiety and french rudeness: "Uh, yes... Terminal D... go there maybe... when we land". After that the stewards and stewardesses took long detours. A ring of empty seats formed around me. Peoples eyes were kind but determined, they read "Poor you, I really wish you all the best but if you come near me or my kid I will have to stab you with this plastic fork". I got up and went to the bathroom where I fainted.
Now I'm in quarantine for ten days. I can see the summer through my window and it's just perfect. Summer is always best through a window.Now, we love Jens, so I hope he's OK. Drop him a line of encouragement, or send him a get well soon e-card at Smalltalk(at)JensLekman.com.