'Idol' Boredom Reaches New Heights with Two Hours of People Sitting in Chairs
|Top 36er Adam Lambert strikes a pose (and needs a haircut).|
Honestly, I didn't think anything would be able to top Tuesday night's people-sit-in-rooms-and- await-their-fates episode of American Idol in terms of sheer boredom, but Wednesday night's people-sit-in-a-room-and-then-go-into-another-room-wherein-they-sit-down-and-await-their-fates managed to do it. I'm not kidding. It was two hours of people sitting. To make it "exciting," a few contestants had to face each other in sing-offs (not to be confused with Footloose-inspired dance-offs), wherein two people have to sing one last song so the judges can choose between them (as if they don't already know who is going to move on). I would rather have watched Seadouche and Simon take turns kicking each other in the junk for two hours than watch any of the pap served up in Wednesday night's episode. There's really not even much to write about, but here are a few things that happened that didn't make me want to punch myself in the junk:
A long string of people who have never been shown, aside from maybe their initial audition (and in some cases, not even that), were sent packing. Was I supposed to cry over the departures of Devin Baldwin? No? Good, because I didn't. Oh, Idol producers, you're so cute when you try to insult our intelligence.
I'll admit it: I tear up everytime the bromance of Danny Gokey and Jamar Rogers is mentioned on Idol. (And let's be honest: The producers lay it on a mite thick, dontcha think?) They cry, they hug, they make out -- oh wait, that's only in my dreams. Danny made it through, Jamar didn't (one of the few times I felt the judges got it wrong last night), and I made my friend pass me the box of Kleenex. Yes, I'm aware I'm a huge dork. If anybody deserved to get through between the two I actually thought it was Gym Class Heroes-looking reject Jamar, but I'm okay with Danny.
I truly hated the whole sing-off concept, especially when we all know that the judges all know who they're going to pick. And, if you're a spoilsport like me, you knew who made up the Top 36 two weeks ago because you looked at Vote for the Worst's Top 36 list, which was, incidentally, 100 percent spot-on. The only sing-off that was actually sort of interesting was between Nathaniel Marshall (a.k.a. The Gayest Thing Ever) and his new BFF Jackie Midkiff, who was barely shown during Hollywood Week. Nathaniel is just way too entertaining for words. I hope he makes it to the end and starts his own line of men's headbands.
Does anybody else think that Anoop Desai (who made it through, yay!) reminds them of Kevin Gnapoor, the head of the Matheletes in Mean Girls? Especially when he sang "My Perogative" on Tuesday.
Lil Rounds: Your earrings looked like dinner plates.
Jesse Langseth: Your jeans looked like tablecloth runners
Tatiana del Toro: You are insane. Also, right now, you and Nathaniel are the only entertaining things about this show. Though you're also so annoying I want to strangle you. So, y'know, I'm torn about your place in the Top 36.
Next week: The first group of 12 sing: Adam Lambert, Alex Wagner-Trugman, Alexis Grace, Allison Iraheta, Anne Marie Boskovich, Anoop Desai, Arianna Afsar, Brent Keith, Casey Carlson, Danny Gokey, Felicia Barton (who, call me crazy, was kicked off last night?), and Jackie Tohn.