It's Not, but It Oughtta Be
I bring this up because I'm listening to the latest album by local goofballs Illegal Substance, entitled Bachelor Party. Quite frankly, this band is like the Wiggles for the barely-teen set that wear sideways baseball caps and whose back jean pockets sweep the floor of the mall while they're cruising. Maybe if we were in some backwater, meth-infested, one-Wal-Mart town in backwater Florida, this would be something for the kids to get excited about. But if this is the sort of shit you want to hear then revert back to your Licensed to Ill or Bloodhound Gang, or Insane Clown Posse records, or if you wanna be tough, Slipknot. Common denominator being, it's all stupid as fuck.
The music and beats don't do anything to compensate for the sophomoric raps either. It's electro-influenced, please-won't-you-dance-to-us? sort of bullshit that belongs in Martini Ranch with its Punk Rock Nation, Metalhead, and Shirley's Temple cover bands (though I will give Illegal Substance this, it writes its own songs [as far as I can tell]).
Just check the song titles and there's not a hell of a lot else to learn about what these self-described "Teen Beat rejects": "Banana Song," "Jordache," "Bar Fight," "Do Them Thangs..."
The bio that the band sent lists a plethora of licensing and placement deals that its pulled off, but they fail to impress as well — a track on Real World Paris, a few video games (including Backyard Wrestling 2!!), and some D-list teenie-bop movies ("I'll Always Know What You Did Last Summer," anyone?)
In the spirit of democracy, and allowing the band's army of party people to spit vitriol back at me, here's a couple of songs for you. Just please, don't play them in my presence.
"Panty Raid": http://media.newtimes.com/id/522456/
"Totally Pauly": http://media.newtimes.com/id/522457/