PHX Hold Em

Categories: Up On Sun
Pokafase
It's been a while since I last checked in with Pokafase, the 'Nix's long-suffering aspirant to establishing PHX hip-hop as a west coast powerhouse. His latest album The Martyr is due out any time, so I grabbed a couple of his tracks (one off of Mastermind, and one off of The Martyr) to hit you off with. After the music links, I've reprinted one of Poka's latest myspace blogs, because it's so damn right and it's fucking hilarious. Here's the tracks:

"Apology": http://media.newtimes.com/id/171400/

"Poka Renoir": http://media.newtimes.com/id/171401/

and a lesson from Poka for musicians and the ladies...

Okay....follow me closely....i'm gonna explain to you where my annoyance and overall digust for the state of hip hop stems from. (if you care, if not this would be your que.... to go directly to hell)

Music and sex, both universal languages (everybody understands ASS and a four count), both very similar in the fact that they are (when done correctly) supposed to be extremely pleasing to the senses.

Now with that said (stay with me), here's is the anecdote/analogy i offer to you in an attempt to help you understand my contempt:

One night, after spending the evening with a hands-down dime (you know dinner, clubbing, etc.), she and i had played ourselves out on the dating games and decided to engage in some intercourse.Well, this chick was a TEN. She had the face of an angel and the body of a goddess. I'm talking minty breathe, soft feet, great perm, the whole nine.

We get to getting it on, and begin with the foreplay. I'm secretly congratulating myself the whole time, feeling good about bagging baby girl and all. A few minutes pass and she's down to just her jeans and whatever's underneath (or lack thereof). Now its gotten considerably more passionate, which is the only explanation i can come up with for why i wasn't immediately moved to halt all further action.

All in one fluid movement, I pull her jeans off and position myself to....let's just say "seal the deal". Her instincts were right on point cause she lifted her pelvis up and cocked her legs wide open....

AND THAT'S WHEN IT GOT UGLY....

I could hardly believe my senses. Here was this lovely, dimepiece of a woman in all of her splendor....with the most offensive, repulsivly pungent, sweet and sour, rotten seafood smell coming from her innerds via the birth canal.

You still with me? Okay, good shit, here's where it comes together.

At that point i was SOOOOOO offended. It wasn't necessarily because of the smell itself, but because SHE HAD TO HAVE, AT ONE POINT OR ANOTHER, SMELLED HERSELF!!!!!

Everybody has off days, that's with anything; but if you know you are not up to par, yet you continue on as though you are, you are disrespecting yourself as well as your craft....or ass....or...you know what i mean. YOU, AT THIS POINT ARE BEGGING TO HAVE YOUR FEELINGS HURT.

Now i'm not sure if it was the shock of the situation or just my plain ol' mean streak that came into play; But at that climatic moment, when that odiforous smack in the face prompted me too, i did what any self-respecting man would've done....i stoppped dead in my tracks and not-quite-politely asked her...

"HEY! YOU DON'T SMELL THAT!?, I KNOW YOU SMELL THAT!"

The more i pondered the question i asked of her, the more annoyed i became. The audacity was just too much for me. Needless to say she just sat there with that same horrified look that you wack-ass, half-a-man emcees have on your face when you realize that you flow is bad pussy, you smell me!?

"HEY! YOU DON'T HEAR THAT!?, I KNOW YOU HEAR THAT!"

Its not a crime to be bad at what you attempt to do; It is however extremely disrespectful to those who have taken the time to master the craft (as well as those who listen and appreciate the art) to be bad at it and pretend like you don't hear that terrible shit you have the nerve to put on track.

You've GOTTA be able to tell the difference; When you put in an Outkast or an Eminem album or even a Snoop Dogg album (he don't be saying shit, but he at least has that swag) and you're not even close, HANG IT UP!

Don't be the smelly cooch girl with the bomb-ass weave and the well-kept nails sitting there with that dumb-ass look on ya face; take the time to master the actual art FIRST, then wrap that good music in the good-looking package and call it a day.

If I offended you, i meant to. That means you're probably on your way to a studio right now to completely and utterly waste a good track and some poor engineer's time and energy.

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