Blogs

Today's Thursday, aka Baby Friday, and Thursday nights there's really only one gig in town worth spending your evening at: the infamous Blunt Club. Whether you're a hip-hopper, backpacker, punk rocker, indie hipster, what-the-fuck-ever, the Blunt Club's the bangin'est club night to hit up, five years strong now. This installation of Dumperfoo's brainchild features the inimitable Black Sheep, with MC Dres supporting the outfit's latest release, 8WM/Novakane. The usual suspects - DJ's Hyder and PicksterOne with your host Emerg McVay - will be on hand as well, all at the best remaining old-school hideaway in town, Hollywood Alley. See you there.

Jared and Michael Bell, the brothers who make the pretty noises in Lymbyc Systym, are about to drop the band's first album on the influential Mush Records label, home also to avant-beatmakers and MC's like cLOUDDEAD, Aesop Rock, Jel, Odd Nosdam, and Her Space Holiday. That's some pretty impressive company for these local boys who make indie-electro-instrumental-folktronica sorta stuff on their laptops and keyboards. Fresh off of a tour with the Album Leaf, the boys are preparing a release party on December 16 at Modified arts for the album, entitled Love Your Abuser, with Asleep in the Sea and Metrognome opening up. In the meantime, since I know you can't wait, the boys hit me off with a few preview tracks...

"Astrology Days": http://media.newtimes.com/id/172368/

"Truth Skull": http://media.newtimes.com/id/172372/

"...So We Can Sleep": http://media.newtimes.com/id/172377/

I usually find it pretty goddamn annnoying when bands take their names from other band's song titles. This was the case when I first heard about Scary Kids Scaring Kids - especially since the band's name is copped from one of my favorite bands, the Chicago-based math-emo/post-hardcore progenitors Cap'n Jazz. Most people didn't make the connection though, because Cap'n Jazz was only around from 1988 - 1995. I actually had the privilege, way back in 1998, to do the very last (to my knowledge) post-mortem Cap'n Jazz interview when its anthology album, Analphabetapolothology, was released. But I digress; Scary Kids have become a pretty good goddamn band over the last few years, and recently dropped a Hot Topic-only album entitled The City Sleeps in Flames. 'Cause I like you interweb-reading kids, here's a couple tracks for you...

"A Breath of Sunshine": http://media.newtimes.com/id/171746/

"The City Sleeps in Flames": http://media.newtimes.com/id/171747/

Just received a missive and a new song from Robin Vining of the Sweetbleeders (and Colorstore) yesterday, asking if I'd let y'all know about the listening party for the band's upcoming new album, Bzzzz. No problem; the Sweetbleeders make some of the prettiest little piano-laced pop songs aroud the Valley. The listening party for Bzzzz is at the Bikini Lounge on Saturday, December 16, where a spin of the album will be followed by karaoke. Yeah, I know that's two weeks away, but now you're getting one of the new songs I'll remind you again as the date draws nearer (hopefully accompanied by another new song)... For now, the music:

"Never Be The Same": http://media.newtimes.com/id/171605/

And, as always, hit me up with your steez at Brendan Joel Kelley.

It's been a while since I last checked in with Pokafase, the 'Nix's long-suffering aspirant to establishing PHX hip-hop as a west coast powerhouse. His latest album The Martyr is due out any time, so I grabbed a couple of his tracks (one off of Mastermind, and one off of The Martyr) to hit you off with. After the music links, I've reprinted one of Poka's latest myspace blogs, because it's so damn right and it's fucking hilarious. Here's the tracks:

"Apology": http://media.newtimes.com/id/171400/

"Poka Renoir": http://media.newtimes.com/id/171401/

and a lesson from Poka for musicians and the ladies...

Okay....follow me closely....i'm gonna explain to you where my annoyance and overall digust for the state of hip hop stems from. (if you care, if not this would be your que.... to go directly to hell)

Music and sex, both universal languages (everybody understands ASS and a four count), both very similar in the fact that they are (when done correctly) supposed to be extremely pleasing to the senses.

Now with that said (stay with me), here's is the anecdote/analogy i offer to you in an attempt to help you understand my contempt:

One night, after spending the evening with a hands-down dime (you know dinner, clubbing, etc.), she and i had played ourselves out on the dating games and decided to engage in some intercourse.Well, this chick was a TEN. She had the face of an angel and the body of a goddess. I'm talking minty breathe, soft feet, great perm, the whole nine.

We get to getting it on, and begin with the foreplay. I'm secretly congratulating myself the whole time, feeling good about bagging baby girl and all. A few minutes pass and she's down to just her jeans and whatever's underneath (or lack thereof). Now its gotten considerably more passionate, which is the only explanation i can come up with for why i wasn't immediately moved to halt all further action.

All in one fluid movement, I pull her jeans off and position myself to....let's just say "seal the deal". Her instincts were right on point cause she lifted her pelvis up and cocked her legs wide open....

AND THAT'S WHEN IT GOT UGLY....

I could hardly believe my senses. Here was this lovely, dimepiece of a woman in all of her splendor....with the most offensive, repulsivly pungent, sweet and sour, rotten seafood smell coming from her innerds via the birth canal.

You still with me? Okay, good shit, here's where it comes together.

At that point i was SOOOOOO offended. It wasn't necessarily because of the smell itself, but because SHE HAD TO HAVE, AT ONE POINT OR ANOTHER, SMELLED HERSELF!!!!!

Everybody has off days, that's with anything; but if you know you are not up to par, yet you continue on as though you are, you are disrespecting yourself as well as your craft....or ass....or...you know what i mean. YOU, AT THIS POINT ARE BEGGING TO HAVE YOUR FEELINGS HURT.

Now i'm not sure if it was the shock of the situation or just my plain ol' mean streak that came into play; But at that climatic moment, when that odiforous smack in the face prompted me too, i did what any self-respecting man would've done....i stoppped dead in my tracks and not-quite-politely asked her...

"HEY! YOU DON'T SMELL THAT!?, I KNOW YOU SMELL THAT!"

The more i pondered the question i asked of her, the more annoyed i became. The audacity was just too much for me. Needless to say she just sat there with that same horrified look that you wack-ass, half-a-man emcees have on your face when you realize that you flow is bad pussy, you smell me!?

"HEY! YOU DON'T HEAR THAT!?, I KNOW YOU HEAR THAT!"

Its not a crime to be bad at what you attempt to do; It is however extremely disrespectful to those who have taken the time to master the craft (as well as those who listen and appreciate the art) to be bad at it and pretend like you don't hear that terrible shit you have the nerve to put on track.

You've GOTTA be able to tell the difference; When you put in an Outkast or an Eminem album or even a Snoop Dogg album (he don't be saying shit, but he at least has that swag) and you're not even close, HANG IT UP!

Don't be the smelly cooch girl with the bomb-ass weave and the well-kept nails sitting there with that dumb-ass look on ya face; take the time to master the actual art FIRST, then wrap that good music in the good-looking package and call it a day.

If I offended you, i meant to. That means you're probably on your way to a studio right now to completely and utterly waste a good track and some poor engineer's time and energy.

A few bar nights back I went out with my old friend Yolanda Bejarano, who's not only a swell girl but an incredible musician, and who's been cranking out music since I moved here eleven years ago, in bands like Slugger, the Slowdown, and a mariachi band that I forget the name of. I hadn't heard any of Yoli's beautiful songs in quite a while, so I dug out some demos she'd given me a while back of two of her projects, Snow Songs and Vampiros de Chihuahua. Hit her myspace account up with the link above and tell her to book some goddamn shows, and tell her what a pretty voice she's got. Here's the songs...

Snow Songs

"Forgot Your Letter": http://media.newtimes.com/id/171115/

"UFO's": http://media.newtimes.com/id/171116/

"You Won't Fall": http://media.newtimes.com/id/171117/

Vampiros de Chihuahua

"Blah!": http://media.newtimes.com/id/171118/

"Blah! (redux)": http://media.newtimes.com/id/171119/

Hope you had a nice long holiday weekend. As always, send your music, gossip, showdates or love notes to Brendan Joel Kelley

Wow, there's a lot of pre-Turkey Day festivities tonight, 'cause y'all ostensibly have tomorrow off of work, and you're expected - no, it's mandated - that you get completely shitfaced till the wee hours tonight. First of all, GWAR's playing at the Marquee tonight, if you like blood, guts, costumes, and genital representations. If you're not into the carnage that is GWAR, there's a better, free option at Stray Cat tonight starting at 9 p.m., where Chris Lawson of AZPunk.com and TotalPunkRadio (aka TPChris, aka Total Punk Chris) is the guest DJ for a night of punk rock debauchery along with DJ Johnny Volume. It's also the official GWAR afterparty, so you'll be able to play the "which one of these normal looking folks is actually Oderus Urungus. Dunno if this is how the Pilgrims imagined their feast's legacy would evolve into, but I endorse it fully. Just to get yourself amped, here's a couple GWAR songs for you...

"Fist Full of Teeth": http://media.newtimes.com/id/170815/

"Penile Drip": http://media.newtimes.com/id/170818/

And, as always, please send MP3's (we post 'em, whether I think they're good or bad), gossip, show announcements, etc to Brendan Joel Kelley

Wow, that was a particularly uninspired heading for a blog post about one of the 'Nix's only superstars, DJ Radar. Astute longtime readers may already have realized that I've long been a homey of Radar's as well as a fan; I once took him back to my home state of Alaska where we drove nine hours on cliff-side roads in a January blizzard to get to a gig in Fairbanks on time. As Radar's Concerto for Turntable and turntable/strings projects have enveloped his professional life over the past few years (you can read about it here, here, or here), it's been increasingly rare to catch him taking it back to basics. But tonight you can catch him kicking it old school at Wishbone at Next in Scottsdale, along with Robbie Rob, Senbad, Maji, Benjamin Cutswell & more. If you've been reading about the classical/strings shit for the past few years and aren't quite sure how he originally made his bones in the turntablist world (Spin once named him and former partner Z-Trip amongst the five best DJ's in the world), here's an educational track for you off of the Bomb! Return of the DJ compilation (with help from Z-Trip)...

btw: here's how radar works (courtesy wikipedia) -

"Private Parts": http://media.newtimes.com/id/170803/

The three-girl, three-boy young'uns (the age range is 17-20) in Eyes Set to Kill are having quite a year. The screamo outfit released a well-received EP earlier in '06 and just recently dropped a DVD with eight songs performed live. Better yet, they've been signed to Will and Jada Pinkett Smith's 100% Woman/Suburban Noize Records. Though the target demographic seems to be teenage boys and girls with white belts and Robert-Smith-esque hair, the songs are passionate and tightly played, and these kids deserve the success they're seeing. Don't believe the juniors deserve it? Check out a couple songs...

"Darling": http://media.newtimes.com/id/168087/

"Liar in the Glass": http://media.newtimes.com/id/168088/

Poorly written, silly-ass press releases are one of the humorous perks of this job; the flipside is when you have to actually listen to the CDs that they come with. Exhibit A: local female-fronted trio Niki Kwik's upcoming EP, No Need to Apologize. Here's a couple excerpts from the one-sheet that accompanied the CD: "Too heavy to be indie, too non-conformist to be metal, and too punk to care about it, Niki Kwik is a band that defies both labels and general assumptions about how a female-fronted band is 'supposed' to sound." "Niki Kwik could perhaps be described as 'Incubus meets the Yeah Yeah Yeahs meets Nirvana circa In Utero.' Um, what-the-fuck-ever kids. This EP sounds like a sophomoric attempt at "alternative" radio rock with super-shrill girl vox thrown in as a gimmick. It's not cute. It's not sexy. It's making my ears hurt, actually. See for yourself.

"No Need to Apologize":http://media.newtimes.com/id/168077/

"Adios Motherfucker": http://media.newtimes.com/id/168079/

Word came to me recently that local lap-guitar troubadour Brodie Hubbard (aka Brodie Foster Hubbard, aka Brodie Fucking Hubbard) is leaving the 'Nix soon to head back to La-La Land. That's a loss for the singer-songwriter set here; as I wrote earlier this year, Brodie's sometimes tortured, acoustical folky stuff is a pleasure to listen to, especially if you're feeling a bit pissed off with the ladies. But, come the middle of next month (December 16, to be exact), you can give him the kiss-off he deserves at the Fuck You, Brodie Hubbard "celebrity" roast at Trunk Space. Here's the line-up, mark it on your calendar:

M.C.:
Kevin Patterson (Grand Avenue LIVE)

musical sets by:
Andrew Jackson Jihad
and
Alexis

and the roasters...

Shane Kennedy (HFE, the Bi-Polar DJ of the Bikini Lounge, and drummer of the Broken Hearted Lovers)

Bob Schriner (Chunklet Magazine)

Emily! (artist, musician)

Sku "T-Bone" Hadley (Uncle Sku's Clubhouse)

Liz the Biz (spoken word)

Wayne Michael Reich (artist... and only 50% confirmed for the show, but he's too good a guest not to announce now!)

Zach Burba (iji, Sea Shells, new Willow House Open Mic host)

CutThroat (CutThroat Freak Show)

Leslie Barton (ex-Modified Arts)

Dustin Martinez (a.k.a. Ricky Rage of Vaginal Dishcarge)

Todd Hoover (The Invisible Teal)

Josie Monroe (Merciless Entertainment)

Stacey Gordon from Elastic Theater

Tommy Cannon from Elastic Theater

Dain Q. Gore (artist)

Jared Blake (comedian)

and JRC (stage manager for Grand Avenue Live and failed performance artist)

Card Subject To Change
Stay Tuned!

I know what you're thinking, but no, this isn't a recap of how I spent the weekend. It's almost the holidays so I had to forego the hookers this time around. Rather, this post is marking a milestone of sorts for Radio Free America, soon to be known as Smile You're Dead. Due to some legal shenanigans RFA nucleus Eric Seven is changing the name of his synth/electro/dance/pop outfit after some fifteen years, and he's celebrating the switch-up by releasing a new track for your asses, "Hookers and Blow." This is either the last RFA song or the first Smile You're Dead production. Either way, I think you'll dig it.

"Hookers and Blow": http://media.newtimes.com/id/167745/

Seven also spends his time playing on the Interweb, managing the Encyclopedia of Stupid Wiki-esque humor site. He sent me over a few links to his favorites...

First off, let's get the whole "capitalized preposition" thing out of the
way:

http://www.encyclopediaofstupid.com/stupid/index.php/Grammar

Now then, a few of my favorite articles that I wrote:

Google
http://www.encyclopediaofstupid.com/stupid/index.php/Google

God
http://www.encyclopediaofstupid.com/stupid/index.php/God

and of course, some holidays...

Saint Patrick's Day
http://www.encyclopediaofstupid.com/stupid/index.php/Saint_Patrick%27s_Day

Christmas
http://www.encyclopediaofstupid.com/stupid/index.php/Christmas

And we talked about the white man...

Whitey
http://www.encyclopediaofstupid.com/stupid/index.php/Whitey (I only wrote
about half of this)

And now some music:

Marilyn Manson
http://www.encyclopediaofstupid.com/stupid/index.php/Marilyn_Manson

Trent Reznor
http://www.encyclopediaofstupid.com/stupid/index.php/Trent_Reznor

And other stuff...

Star Trek
http://www.encyclopediaofstupid.com/stupid/index.php/Star_Trek

I didn't write this but... I know you would appreciate it:

Bible
http://www.encyclopediaofstupid.com/stupid/index.php/Bible

There's a veritable glut of great shows this weekend, so this is the extended remix weekend edition of the Show Picks series.

First, tonight (Friday, Nov. 17) at Stray Cats, for a mere six bucks you can catch a punk rock extravaganza with the Fed-Ups, Thirteen Black, Dick Hazard, Walt Flanagan's Dog, Tweeker Chic, and Lennore.

If you need some ass boogeying up in your pre-turkey festivities, there's not a better spot than the 6th anniversary of Pete Salaz & Senbad's house music institution Batucada, Saturday night at Club Vibe, featuring special guest DJ Karizma.


And finally, both Saturday and Sunday nights at Cypress Lounge on the west side, there's the inimitable skate rock of Agent Orange. Saturday night 80-D, DeSade, Dephinger and the Mongoloids open; Sunday night the Glass Heroes, Slutty Putty, Shotgun Abortion, DSC, and the Fed-Ups do the honors. See you at the shows kids...

Last night was an aural adventure (unfortunately not an oral adventure), wherein I hit up both a country show by my cowboy buddy Andy Hersey (who's opening for Roger Clyne and the Peacemakers at the Marquee this Saturday), and later caught a pretty amazing rock show by Vayden. Vayden's kind of like the 'Nix's version of Whitestarr, with frontman Curtis Casey giving Cisco Adler a run for his money (minus Mischa Barton of course). Actually, Vayden rocks quite a bit harder. The guys hit me off with their latest CD, Children of Our Mistakes (glad I don't have any of those), recorded and produced by NOFX/Lagwagon/etc producer Ryan Greene of CRUSH Recording. It's pretty fucking impressive, check it out.

"Karma is a Professional Wrestler": http://media.newtimes.com/id/167433/

"Anthem of the Used": http://media.newtimes.com/id/167436/

A while back I threw up a "show pick" blog post where I dissed locals An Aesthetic for their silly band name. Luckily these guys have a sense of humor, and sent me the following reply...

Ha ha... Thanks for posting up the flyer for our show on Friday! We are well aware that choosing "an Aesthetic" as our band name was possibly the worst decision that we could have possibly made. Imagine trying to explain the pun to a drunken bro-ham at 2:15am in the parking lot of the Yucca.

BRO-HAM:
"Heeeeeey! I really like your band. Are you guys into Godsmack at all?"

SEAN:
"No."

BRO-HAM:
"Yeah, I didn't think so. But those dudes fucking put on a show, man. It's like tribal-metal. A whole new genre. They changed my life. Anyways, what are you guys called again?"

SEAN:
"Well, it's like anesthetic that the doctor gives you, but we all went to art school so we thought it would be clever for it be like the article 'an' and then the word 'aesthetic.' You know, like how something looks. So it's two words."

BRO-HAM:
"You guys are in an article? Is it in the College Times?"

SEAN:
"No, the literary device 'an.' It's like 'the' or 'a.' Get it?"

BRO-HAM:
"Oooooooh... And Aesthetic. Yeah, like another aesthetic."

SEAN:
"No."

BRO-HAM:
"So you guys on MySpace or what? Do I just look up unaesthetic?"

SEAN:
"Just look up Attack of the Giant Squid. I think we're in their 'Top 12? or something."

BRO-HAM:
"Brah! Those guys kick ass! They should get a singer."

SEAN:
"I hate your entire being. But you should buy a CD, they're only $5."

BRO-HAM:
"Shit... I think I'm just going to save it for a nickel bag."

Last night, after catching a couple different shows, I ran into Sean randomly at my local bar; apparently he's a neighborhood dude. Anyway, he sent over a track to throw up from An Aesthetic's record Apocalipsis Ya, which you'll find below. The band, which still has a silly name, is releasing a new record called We Don't Even Believe in Nihilism early next year. Holla.

"Killers All Look the Same in God's Eyes": http://media.newtimes.com/id/167428/