Should I Take This Selfie? A Guide for Grownups
On the one hand, who doesn't love to indulge their narcissistic side every once in a while? But on the other hand, selfies are terrible, embarrassing, and sometimes dangerous byproducts of a self-indulgent, technology-obsessed culture. Teens have it easy. We expect selfies from them. Adults? Not so much. Yet, we, legal adults, are guilty of participating in these photographic faux pas, too.
There are few occasions when adult selfies are acceptable, perhaps even encouraged, but much more frequent are the times when they are unacceptable. It can be tricky to tell, phone in hand and reverse camera pointed at your face, if this moment is one of those acceptable times to selfie. So we have devised a guide to help you. Read carefully, good luck, and selfie if you dare.
See also: 10 Tips for Better Instagram Photos
How pursed are your lips on a scale of smiling to duck?
The closer you get to the duck side of that scale, the less likely it is for you to justifiably take a selfie.
Are you with a French bulldog or an equally cute breed of dog?
Please take that selfie. The more photos of adorably confused looking dogs there are, the better this world will be.
Are you with a cactus*?
What are you trying to illustrate? Give us a solid answer for that, and then we can talk about the validity of this selfie.
*If you have been in Arizona for less than six months and have found a remarkable cactus of some sort, then fine. Take a selfie.
Are you at a Beyonce concert and close enough to the stage that you can easily see her in the background?
Take that selfie and pray that she notices, gracing your selfie with a Beyonce expression that is equal parts fierce and off-putting.
Are you crying?
Get over it and put that camera down. Clearly if you are considering a selfie, you're not that upset.
Are you celebrating saving someone's life?
Yes, take that selfie. This is a monumentous occasion and should be documented accordingly. Bonus points for getting the person who you just saved to be in the selfie with you.
Are your hands anywhere near your face in the shape of a peace sign?
This is not acceptable. Really, any hand gestures near your face are not acceptable, including duces, hand hearts, or spelling out "blood" with your fingers.
Are you with a grandparent?
Take a selfie. Grandparents are awesome. Plus, why not take this opportunity to create a lasting memory that you can later look back on fondly? Or, better yet, teach your grandparent how to take a selfie him/herself. That could never backfire, right?
Are you on vacation?
Vacation selfies are only acceptable if there is no one else around to take a photo of you. Then no one will witness you taking that selfie either, so have at it.
Did you just win a large sum of money*?
Yes, selfie away. But we're talking about an actual large sum of money, not $100 or something.
*This situation quickly becomes wrong if you decide to display that money in cash form around your face in some way.