The Basic Bitch Breakdown: Your Guide to Basics in Tempe, Scottsdale, and Phoenix
Courting Disaster is Jackalope Ranch's weekly column of dating horror stories, observations, how-tos, and more by Katie Johnson. Names of ex-boyfriends, past hookups, and bad blind dates have been changed to protect the guilty.
Alan Stark via Flickr
Heads up, bitches. This one's going to sting.
Whether you love her, hate her, or secretly wonder if you are her, the basic bitch is everywhere. From the West Coast to the East Coast, Midwest, and down south, this simple lady can found playing it safe inside a neighborhood Starbucks, under the mist of a spray tan, or on social media posting selfies (#blessed).
Of course, the basic bitch doesn't just vary from state to state, she varies by city. Which is why we're breaking down the basics of being basic in Tempe, Scottsdale, and Phoenix.
See also: 50 Signs You're Dating a Basic Bitch
Neon Tommy via Flickr
The Tempe Basic Bitch
She drives: A VW Jetta. It was a graduation gift, you guys.
Her dog a.k.a. her baby: A Boston terrier because she couldn't afford a French bull dog
Her favorite book: Bridget Jones's Diary
Her dream job: Kindergarten teacher
Her tattoo: It's an inspirational but misquoted line from her favorite song, bible verse, or book.
Her dream vacation: Disneyland because you're never too old to be a princess.
Her drink of choice: She likes IPAs because that's what her guy friends drink.
Her summer jam: "Pompeii" by Bastille
Her favorite movie of 2014 so far: The Fault in Our Stars
Her workout routine consists of: Zumba
She finds $20 in her pocket and immediately spends it on: a trip to Target.
You'll find her at: A house party with basic bros