50 Signs You're Dating a Basic Bro

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Jhong Dizon via Flickr
Courting Disaster is Jackalope Ranch's weekly column of dating horror stories, observations, how-tos, and more by Katie Johnson. Names of ex-boyfriends, past hookups, and bad blind dates have been changed to protect the guilty.

Are you searching for a stand-out man but feeling like you end up dating the same generic brand of dude? Chances are, that guy's a basic bro, the work-hard-play-hard type fueled by protein powder and Daft Punk. While there's plenty to love and hate about both the basic bitch and the basic bro, we can all agree that these two deserve each other.

See also: 50 Signs You're Dating a Basic Bitch

50. He has thousands of dollars worth of electronics (i.e., a flat-screen TV, Xbox, stereos) but no toilet paper.

49. His degree is most like in business or communications.

48. He loves rap songs about smoking weed.

47. He wears Axe Body Spray. Which is strange because no woman on Earth likes Axe Body Spray.

46. The only magazines he subscribes to are Sports Illustrated and Maxim.


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50 comments
willyumv3
willyumv3

Sounds like this article was written by either A)  A metrosexual. B) A homesexual or C) A guy that never gets any girls so bashes on things that are common among guys.

cpmd17
cpmd17

the basic bro ACTUALLY went to college?!

Alex D
Alex D

God I thought the basic bitch list was funny.

Heather Banks
Heather Banks

While the basic bitch is annoying, the basic bro is a fucking tool.

Jason Schenck
Jason Schenck

Ryan Oster Tom Leykis? hahaha. my degree is in business. i drink muscle milk when i dont work out. i love edm. this shit is hilarious lol

Ryan Oster
Ryan Oster

Yea Tiadora I can say yes to a ton of those. Jason what you think Lil bro peep?

Tiadora Pearson
Tiadora Pearson

I was making a mental check list of how much of these things are you Ryan Oster but sadly the term getting "shredded" on there so maybe that's a more evolved bro phase. Lol

Pauliejuanakraquer
Pauliejuanakraquer

..Another week, another crap article. Katie isn't getting any better at this. -Maybe put her on as Backpage editor?



Daniel Campuzano
Daniel Campuzano

HMMMM BASIC BRO HUH.... NAH MORE LIKE AWESOME PERSON WHO IS CHARITABLE AND LOVES TO DRINK LOL THANKS JELLY.

Pri Valenzuela
Pri Valenzuela

Peanut Daniel Campuzano haha #16 made me think of u! Lol

ninjalightning
ninjalightning

@UraHack haha ... maybe you should take over the column, your quips are more interesting!! sounds like she has some proper insight into the "basic" in both men and woman... i wonder how her friends like being exploited.. or is this a case of the outsider looking in?? 

whatamaroon
whatamaroon

are they paying this katie bim, or is she a no-cost intern?

Felicita Glose
Felicita Glose

Why are women "bitches" the men "bro"? Shouldn't the men be "tool" or something more insulting?

Ana Narez
Ana Narez

Here's the male version Daniel Gonzalez

Tiffany Bonillas
Tiffany Bonillas

Enrique Carrillo Jr.. Good job love I couldn't find any that apply to you! Lol

David Quijano
David Quijano

Too tired to keep clicking the links #waronbros

sggrange
sggrange

What the hell is "fabric softener"?

Aram Autry
Aram Autry

Guys, seriously. The content of your website is good, but not good enough to wade thru 500 pop-ups.

Kel Williams
Kel Williams

5 reasons per page? Way to rake in those page views.

BeantownBro
BeantownBro

Brilliant. Scissor gang mafia is my favorite.

UraHack
UraHack

You've just described every male between the ages of 20 and 35.

UraHack
UraHack

@whatamaroon Try not to cut yourself reading any of her articles because she's edgy.

UraHack
UraHack

@Valleyclown Yeah, really "brilliant". So funny. Just a fucking incredible humor columnist right here. I mean, HOLY SHIT! How the hell is she not writing for The Onion?!

BeantownBro
BeantownBro

Your aggressive. Did the writer run over your dog or dump you? Since I don't know her I thought her list was brilliant. You need a hug and to apparently find a life.

UraHack
UraHack

@Valleyclown Whoa...you told me. You're right. Her list was "brilliant". Really, really, really clever. I mean, anyone who can come up with 50 clichés MUST be fucking brilliant. I take back any and all former statements that were aggressively critical. Keep it up, Katie! You are a totally special and unique individual. Totally.

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