50 Signs You're Dating a Basic Bitch

keep-calm-basic.jpg
Amelia Wells via Flickr
25. She has the saying "Keep Calm and ____" somewhere in her place. Check the coffee mugs. Look for a poster in the bathroom.

24. Speaking of posters, she really identifies with some dead starlet; most likely Audrey Hepburn or Marilyn Monroe. Guaranteed, there's a poster from Breakfast at Tiffany's or black and white photo of Marilyn Monroe on at least one of her walls.

23. Inspirational quotes. They're everywhere. On sticky notes, on the fridge, on Facebook, on her Pinterest boards, everywhere.

22. When you go out to eat, she'll have the chicken. She'll always have the chicken.

21. She hasn't seen any Wes Anderson films, but she really wants to.


Advertisement

My Voice Nation Help
158 comments
Sisely Hatch
Sisely Hatch

47. She owns a cowboy hat, cowboy hats, or at the very least listens to Taylor Swift. LOL SO ME

Maci James
Maci James

\U0001f602\U0001f602\U0001f602 I think this was fucking great!! Jesse Niglio

Glenn Webber
Glenn Webber

Great. Now they need to edit the article to include #51.

Stephanie Abrigo
Stephanie Abrigo

I can't believe I read that entire article. Guess I'm a basic bitch.

Bryony Challoner
Bryony Challoner

Wow. I guess I'm boring as hell because I don't tell jokes that are racist or about rape and bullying. What a stupid article!

Angela Kay
Angela Kay

...or all the MANY people who have rejected them.

Angela Kay
Angela Kay

It sounds like [nothing more than] a embittered laundry list of ways a scorned lover characterizes their ex.

Sophia Tesch
Sophia Tesch

This is from April ....so old its got whiskers. LOL

Lorin Lavelle
Lorin Lavelle

Good job, New Times. You grabbed some rubbish fluff article from Buzzfeed and it bit you in the ass.

Charlene Hardin
Charlene Hardin

As someone married, over 30, with no resemblance to anything on that list, I still think it's obnoxious, sexist, and above all, unkind. Women should build each other up, and news flash, being a little cliche isn't the worst thing on earth. Being a judgemental meanie on the other hand...

Roxane Zamora
Roxane Zamora

I'm a doctor, not an ASU person and find this article sexist and disturbing.. No one should find humor in rape jokes.. New Times fail

Roxane Zamora
Roxane Zamora

Are you guys running out of stuff to write? This is the same thing as Wednesday.. Yawn.. This is just basic sexist bs and who ever thinks rape jokes are funny are highly disturbed..is this really who you want to market to? Sad day for you New Times

Sara Alexander
Sara Alexander

Sounds like every ASU girl. For all these women hating on this article cause their feelings got hurt, let me guess yr under 25 and the author hit a little to close for comfort.

Jennifer Crider Lavelle
Jennifer Crider Lavelle

Soooo- liking rape and bullying jokes is supposed to indicate a sense of humor? Call me proud to be humorless.

Kellie Fewell
Kellie Fewell

you know what's basic? a publication that posts eight hundred thousand "articles" (lists) exactly the same as this one every fucking week. ... ... i'm looking in your direction new times.

Kelly Coombs
Kelly Coombs

Well, the offensive headline caught my eye, but after reading the above comments I decided reading the article wasn't even worth my time or energy. However, I am unliking this page.

Antonio Maldonado
Antonio Maldonado

50 ? That's seems an awful lot of signs to have to go by. Why not just love the one you're with?!

Janet Margrave
Janet Margrave

Stupid article. Just another attempt to demean and diminish women.

Karen Tataryn-Savio
Karen Tataryn-Savio

I also buy makeup at MAC, wear colourful underwear, etc. Nice to know that makes me a "bitch". Also - what does the writer have against cupcakes??

Rusty Foley
Rusty Foley

Could you guys be just a littl more sexist? How about 10 signs the New Times has finally flushed it's credibility down the drain?

Esther Denise Sanchez
Esther Denise Sanchez

Uh... I just wasted 5 minutes of my life reading this crap. To the writer of this article, if this was supposed to be funny and entertaining it most def was not. This article fucking sucked. I listen to tons of punk, am a big counter culture fan and total weirdo and even I do some of those things on that list. My friends would from far describe me as a "basic bitch" or "vanilla girl." I'm more like the spawn of satan. So, please, stop writing judge mental articles about women. Also, rape jokes will never be funny. Sorry, straight up, they're not. And one more thing? Not all women will fit into a one size fits all category. We are people with different tastes and likes. Please, get a reality check & write better articles.

Che'rie Deneen
Che'rie Deneen

...aside from the rape joke statement; that shows the sad state of the mentality in our culture today....and I'm not offended by the word bitch......I thought the list was humorous...fluff......but it seems these basic women are the ones who get dates...because they are bland....no real passion or fire to challenge anyone therefore less intimidating.......I am more like Fire...it's more interesting.......

Glen Gullikson
Glen Gullikson

If think the author lost a few boys to a "basic bitch" lol

Emmy McLeish
Emmy McLeish

I could not finish the list as this was boring but from what I read she seems like a nice girl so I recommend basic vanilla as the flavor to marry.

Karen Tataryn-Savio
Karen Tataryn-Savio

"Her sense of humour is almost nonexistent" because she doesn't find rape jokes funny? If you think rape jokes are funny, that's just tasteless and disgusting and you have no real sense of humour.

kathozer
kathozer

i called myself a basic bitch all the time when I got a B no matter a how much effort I put in school! Am I a basic bitch when I call myself a basic bitch?

terezib
terezib

someone please explain to me what all the above makes young women BITCHES? I don't see anything MEAN about 99% of what's listed. Shallow, yes, but a bitch? 

terezib
terezib

I don't get this at ALL. This sounds like every young white girl I know. Shallow, yes, that's how I'd describe them, but what about all the above makes them BITCHES?

lolag123
lolag123

I personally prefer an #acidicbitch

jackyo
jackyo

I find this list funny. It takes a stab at the most common trends. @OliveP I agree hipsters are a trend in themselves which is ironic. The hard thing in this life, especially with such a vast population, is being original. 

Anyways, don't get offended. It's not like the title has mindless, clueless, soulless, or characterless included in it. 

saintluger
saintluger

... you forgot the ONE BASIC TELL TALE SIGN = she has a vagina...

dykesbritt
dykesbritt

Yes, because jokes about rape and suicide GUARANTEE you have a great sense of humor... more like the opposite. Get fucked, you idiot.

missypants
missypants

Well with a list that has 50 f***ing bullet points I'm pretty sure anyone would classify as a "basic bitch". Nice job referring to women as "bitches" by the way. Aren't you a woman? You're really doing your gender a favor here by derogatizing us. That word... *shudders*

Also, rape and suicide jokes are never funny.

OliveP
OliveP

I think the whole "basic bitch" concept was created by the hipster/"too cool for school" crowd. I think those bitches need a list:

1. Has at least one tattoo, if not a complete sleeve

2. College? No thanks. I am an entrepreneur.

3. Only shops at thrift stores - or, excuse me, "vintage" shops. 

4. Doesn't believe in marriage or even exclusive relationships (until, of course, her boyfriend finds someone else). 

5. Too cool for Starbucks. Only patrons local coffee shops where the air is permeated with smoke. 

6. Does not listen to any music from the last decade - or anything on a "top" chart out of principle. 

7.Describes herself as a "free spirit" or "unconventional"

8. She and/or all ex-boyfriends have drug problems.

9. Hatred will spew from her eyes and mouth when a woman mentions that she was in a sorority or has something called a social network.

10. She tries so much harder than anyone to be untrendy that she becomes the most basic of all bitches.

alellis09
alellis09

I don't like the term. Isn't there a nicer way to refer to this? 

Freja_Foxglove
Freja_Foxglove

Amusing. Though I think some of these are just chick things, instead of basic bitch. I mean vanilla typical white girl is one thing, but baking? lol. Pretty sure everyone needs to use an oven to cook sometimes. Still a funny list, and I'd agree with most of them.

ElizabethWulff
ElizabethWulff

LMAO! Basic = mainstream, guys. Those who are getting offended over these are most obviously basic bitches. They're even using the basic bitch quote "They're just jealous!" Exactly why would someone be jealous of what you like?

jackyo
jackyo

As for bitches, the phrase "basic bitches" sounds fine when you think about the repeating of the first sound, as often used in poetry (I am by no means calling this poetry). "Basic Women" just doesn't have the same ring to it.  

Now Trending

Phoenix Concert Tickets

From the Vault

 

Loading...